of them. Even after all this time, the memory of him pricked sharp like a needle. ‘No more calling yourself selfish, okay? We made this decision together, in the best interests of our family.’ They’d both hear enough of that particular accusation when her parents arrived tomorrow.
He nodded. ‘United front.’ He held out his fist and she bumped hers against it.
‘United front.’
They returned to their chores, but the previous easiness between them was lacking as the reality of their choices pressed a little closer. This was the last night the four of them would spend beneath this roof. Her gaze strayed to the freshly painted wall beside the door where they’d drawn marks on the wall to record the boys growing. She closed her eyes. It was just a wall; the memories of those moments were what mattered, and she would carry them in her heart forever.
A couple of hours later, she sealed the final box of toys that were being donated to a local charity and lifted it on top of the half a dozen others also heading for a new home. ‘Are we giving away too much?’
‘Given the fact the keep pile is about three times the size of that, I’m going to say no.’ Steve climbed down from the stepladder he’d been using while he cleaned the top of the wardrobe and folded the dirty cloth into a small square. ‘I think that’s this room about done.’
There was no helping the lump in her throat as she glanced around them. The little beds looked too bare. She’d wanted to take the bunk beds to her parents, but her mother had refused, saying there wasn’t room, that the boys would be fine to top and tail in the second guestroom until Jess got herself back on her feet and had her own place again. A place close enough for Wendy to be able to keep an eye on the boys, and her too, Jess suspected.
‘You look done in,’ Steve said, dragging her thoughts back to the present once more. ‘Why don’t you go and have a bath and I’ll check on the boys? There’s no point in loading anything up until the morning.’ Although Steve wasn’t taking any more than he could fit in his car – a cheap second-hand runaround he’d purchased after returning his company car – they’d rented a small trailer and attached it to the estate car they’d invested in after Isaac’s birth when the logistics of transporting all the paraphernalia of two small boys proved too much for their old hatchback.
‘That sounds like a good idea, I might just do that.’
‘And I’ll order a takeaway.’ He checked his watch. ‘The Szechuan Palace is open until ten, so there’s no rush.’
Jess let him usher her out of the bedroom and towards the bathroom without protest. She was pretty much at the end of a very frayed tether and could feel the tears that always gathered when she was tired, or angry, or hungry, or just about anything on the emotional scale these days. Crying was a default she’d always hated and did her best to fight, but damn it she was exhausted.
Avoiding the bathroom mirror, she began to fill the tub, adding a squeeze of Matey bubble bath because she wanted the comfort of the bubbles but everything of hers bar the absolute essentials was already packed. She was swishing her hand through the water to build them up when a soft knock came at the door. Steve was in the hallway, holding a glass of white wine so cold it was already covered in condensation. ‘I decided we both deserve a drink,’ he said, showing her the open bottle of beer in his other hand. ‘Kids are out like a light.’
‘Thanks.’ She accepted the wine, feeling awkward because they were now people who knocked on bathroom doors. How many nights had they spent chatting with one or other of them perched on the toilet lid whilst the other soaked away the trials of the day? The tiny threshold strip of metal holding down the carpet separating them felt as wide as the ocean. She turned away, not wanting Steve to see her cry, knowing this was part of the mourning process and not true regret.
‘Jess.’
She froze, not daring to turn around in case it allowed any regrets he might be feeling to intrude, then cursed herself for a coward. ‘Yes?’
‘That stupid idea of yours? I think you should do it.’
This time she did turn. ‘You do?’
He shrugged. ‘Why not? When else are you going to get the chance to do a job you know you’ll love and live in actual castle at the same time?’ His enthusiastic grin was infectious. ‘Imagine the history in a place like that! And it’s like you said, the boys will have all that space to run around and explore.’
‘It’ll be disruptive. Come the new year I’ll be back where I am right now.’
‘Maybe, or maybe you’ll have had time to work out what it is that you want from life. You can say as many times as you like that we’re making the decision to split together, but I’m moving on to something positive, and I just wish there was a way for you to be doing the same.’
‘If I’m up in Derbyshire, it’ll be harder for you to see the boys.’ One of the many reasons she’d agreed to move in with her parents was to be close to where Steve was doing his course at Exeter University.
‘Stop putting everyone but yourself first, Jess.’ There was real exasperation in his tone. ‘So what if it’s inconvenient for me? So bloody what?! This is a brilliant opportunity for you. All you have to do is give yourself permission to take it.’ A thin, high wail came from the main bedroom, Isaac disturbed by his father’s uncharacteristically loud voice. ‘Damn, I’ll get him.’ Steve took a couple of steps away then glanced back. ‘I appreciate that you wanted to consult me about this, but this is one decision you need to make for yourself.’
‘Sit down, Tristan,’ His great-aunt Morgana peered at him from over the top of the porcelain teacup which looked as pale and delicate as the hand holding it. ‘You’re making the place look untidy.’
Though age had shrunken her somewhat from the formidable figure she had cut during his childhood, nothing had dimmed the strength of her character and the old admonishment was enough to still his pacing. With worry gnawing at him, he resorted to staring out of the sitting room window once more. He’d never felt a sense of responsibility towards another person before, well not more than the usual consideration for his family. From the moment Jess had called him that morning to say not only would she be taking the job, but she and the boys were loaded up and ready to hit the road immediately, he’d been weighed down with the knowledge that he’d put himself firmly in the middle of her very delicate domestic situation. The urgency of their impending arrival hadn’t given him much time for introspection during the day as it’d been all hands to the pump to get suitable accommodation sorted out, but now there was nothing he could do but wait – and worry.
It wasn’t just Jess he would need to look out for. As he and Arthur had cleared out old boxes and rearranged furniture whilst Maxwell and Mrs W cleaned and Lucie had cut fresh flowers from the orangery and even managed to find a few old toys to brighten up the old nursery, it had struck Tristan that he needed to offer a place of security to two very vulnerable little boys. The doubts niggling at him now were not about his family, they’d taken the news that their new events planner came with some very special baggage with their usual open-hearted acceptance. It was himself he was bothered about. And more especially his motivation for offering Jess the job. Yes, he needed help, and yes, she was the perfect person to do it, but sitting beside her in the pub had reminded him of how much he’d missed being around her and he’d not been ready to say goodbye. Stupid, really, but as long as he kept any foolish
