that almost loses his mind if he’s out of certainty, of a reference point.
I’m groping in the dark, and not only in a metaphorical way.
The shadow is still there, still, beside me. It moves an arm, or whatever it is, as if he was waving at me. “Are you there?”, he seems to ask; I wave back, but it’s like neither of us saw the other one. I still can’t understand.
I move an arm to try to touch the shadow. I can’t do anything of what I want to, and it’s like unattainable.
Nothing to do, maybe it is not the moment yet for some developments.
So, what should I do? Wait a little bit longer? Who will choose when things are going to change?
The shadow pulls back, goes back where it came from, and I stay still, sitting without any chance to know what is really happening, so I decide to close my eyes: at least like this I mange to rest my mind, maybe.
Xv
When Luigi Mazza woke up, his eyes opened really slow to get used to light again.
To make him wake up the doctors gave him a dose of a stimulant that turned out to be optimal.
“Hello, mister Mazza”, one of the nurses greeted him, “are you feeling well?”
Luigi took a while before answering. “I have a bit of a headache. Could you give me a painkiller, please?”
“Don’t worry. You only have to rest, for now”
The man kept staring at the snow-white ceiling and didn’t say anything, almost waiting the words of his speaker. “Today you shouldn’t move from here, at least until this evening. If you want, you could go for a little walk later, before going to sleep.”
“I’m not tired, I just have this headache.”
“I feel you”
“Where are the others?” he asked.
“Your brother didn’t arrive yet today; I don’t know about anyone else that came to visit you in these days” explained the nurse.
“Mm... I don’t know them either, I guess”, was Luigi Mazza’s answer, I only know that there was someone else, because I saw him”
“You think so? I think not, but maybe I could be wrong.”
There was a moment of silence that emphasized the perplexed face if the man while watching the nurse, that finished saying: “In the meanwhile, get some rest, you need it. You must be rather weak.”
Luigi Mazza kept looking at the man with the white coat without saying anything, even when he went out of the room.
What happened to me? Where am I? Where is everyone?
XVI
That afternoon, Mario Mazza arrived at the Maggiore Hospital to be with his brother and, towards the evening, Luigi heard his brother saying: “Do you remember anything about the accident?”
The question floored him, not knowing what the topic of the conversation was.
“Accident?”, asked Luigi back, “What accident?”
“You’re here because you were involved in an accident on Bologna’s orbital road, up on exit 7. Don’t you remember?”
Luigi looked at him with the typical expression of someone who hears something for the first time.
“No, I don’t remember anything about this accident. When did it happen?”
His brother looked at him a little bit worried.
“Are you sure? Not even vaguely?”, he asked.
“Mm… no, I’m sorry”, answered Luigi.
“I see. I’ll try to talk about it with the doctors that are following you… now you have to rest, you already walked much, let’s get back to your room: you need to lay down.”
“Alright”, Luigi nodded, “maybe I’ll read something”
“No, I’d rather read for you. Let’s go to your room now, then I’ll go get a magazine from the newsstand.”
They did so and, when they went back, Mario Mazza was holding under his arm a copy of a monthly travel magazine.
“I know that you’ll like this”, he started, leafing through the pages, “Let’s see if there’s something nice here”
After a moment of silence, Mario Mazza started talking again, while his hospitalized brother was listening interested. “Wow... the Caribbean, Europe, Canada… wonderful places, really… here a nice article about the Norwegian fiords. What do you think? Would you like to go this summer?”
“You know that I love to travel… I would go anywhere there’s something to see. Sooner or later I will see the fiords too” answered Luigi.
“The fiord is a sea hug that insinuate on the coast for many kilometres”, explained Mario reading, “the most famous are in the north Europe, in Norway, but there are some interesting ones elsewhere too. There also are cruises on the Norwegian fiords: one week or even more, going from Bergen to North Cape. They must be beautiful landscapes.”
“I think so too. Is there written the price of other cruises?”
“No”, answered Mario, “but there are a few web sites where to find other information”
“I could be really interested. Look them up when you have time.”
“Sure, I’ll certainly do it then I’ll let you know”
“Well, perfect”
“Now why don’t you try to sleep a little bit?”
“I’m not tired”
“Try, maybe you’ll fall asleep, take a nap and after you’ll feel better. When I arrived, a nurse told me you had a slight headache. Maybe sleeping it will go away”
“Okay, I’ll try”
While Luigi closed his eyes, the brother put the magazine on the bedside table, he took a piece of paper, and wrote on it RELAX AND REST, I’LL BE BACK IN A BIT and went out of the room to get a coffee and have a chat with the doctors.
XVII
I’m driving, or at least I think so. I’ve stopped, in the darkness, my head hurts.
I’m sure I’m not a drive-in. I feel like I’m waiting for someone or something.
I have my hands on the steering wheel and next to me there’s no one.
I’ve stopped, yes, but not because of a red light; there aren’t any traffic lights in front of me, there aren’t anywhere. It’s just me standing in this position, am I waiting?
I
