always neglected. I could not account for it in any way than they wished me dead.
It may appear dreadful - very dreadful indeed - but what else was I to think? The old servant's words came upon my mind full of their meaning - if I died before I was one-and-twenty, they would have all my aunt's money.
'They wish me to die,' I thought, 'they wish me to die; and I shall die - I am sure I shall die! But they will kill me - they have tried it by neglecting me, and making me sad. What can I do - what can I do?'
These thoughts were the current matter of my mind, and how often do they recur to my recollection now I am in this dull, dreadful place! I can never forget the past. I am here because I have rights elsewhere, which others can enjoy, and do enjoy.
However, that is an old evil. I have thus suffered long. But to return. After a year had gone by - two, I think, must have passed over my head - before I met with anything that was at all calculated to injure me. I must have been nearly ten years old, when, one evening, I had no sooner got into bed, than I found I had been put into damp - I may say wet sheets.
They were so damp that I could not doubt but this was done on purpose. I am sure no negligence ever came to anything so positive, and so abominable in all my life. I got out of bed, and took them off, and then wrapped myself up in the blankets, and slept till morning, without wakening anyone.
When morning came, I enquired who put the sheets there?
'What do you mean, minx?' said my mother.
'Only that somebody was bad and wicked enough to put positively wet sheets in the bed; it could not have been done through carelessness - it must have been done though sheer wilfulness. I'm quite convinced of that.'
'You will get yourself well thrashed if you talk like that,' said my mother. 'The sheets are not damp; there are none in the house that are damp.'
'These are wet.'
This reply brought her hand down heavily upon my shoulder, and I was forced upon my knees. I could not help myself, so violent was the blow.
'There,' added my mother, 'take that, and that, and answer me if you dare.'
As she said this she struck me to the ground, and my head came into violent contact with the table, and I was rendered insensible.
How long I continued so I cannot tell. What I first saw when I awoke was the dreariness of the attics into which I had been thrust, and thrown upon a small bed without any furniture. I looked around and saw nothing that indicated comfort, and upon looking at my clothes, there were traces of blood. This, I had no doubt, came from myself.
I was hurt, and upon putting my hand to my head found that I was much hurt, as my head was bound up.
At that moment the door was opened, and the old servant came in.
'Well, Miss Mary,' she said, 'and so you have come round again? I really began to be afraid you were killed. What a fall you must have had!'
'Fall,' said I; 'who said it was a fall?'
'They told me so.'
'I was struck down.'
'Struck, Miss Mary? Who could strike you? And what did you do to deserve such a severe chastisement? Who did it?'
'I spoke to my mother about the wet sheets.'
'Ah! what a mercy you were not killed! If you had slept in them, your life would not have been worth a farthing. You would have caught cold, and you would have died of inflammation, I am sure of it. If anybody wants to commit murder without being found out, they have only to put them into damp sheets.'
'So I thought, and I took them out.'
'You did quite right - quite right.'
'What have you heard about them?' said I.
'Oh! I only went into the room in which you sleep, and I at once found how damp they were, and how dangerous it was; and I was going to tell your mamma, when I met her, and she told me to hold my tongue, but to go down and take you away, as you had fallen down in a fit, and she could not bear to see you lying there.'
'And she didn't do anything for me?'
'Oh, no, not as I know of, because you were lying on the floor bleeding. I picked you up, and brought you here.'
'And she has not enquired after me since?'
'Not once.'
'And don't know whether I am yet sensible or not?'
'She does not know that yet.'
'Well,' I replied, 'I think they don't care much for me, I think not at all, but the time may come when they will act differently.'
'No, Miss, they think, or affect to think, that you have injured them; but that cannot be, because you could not be cunning enough to dispose your aunt to leave you all, and so deprive them of what they think they are entitled to.'
'I never could have believed half so much.'
'Such, however, is the case.'
'What can I do?'
'Nothing, my dear, but lie still till you get better, and don't say any more; but sleep, if you can sleep, will do you more good than anything else now for an hour or so, so lie down and sleep.'
* * * * *
The old woman left the room, and I endeavoured to compose myself to sleep; but could not do so for some time, my mind being too actively engaged in considering what I had better do, and I determined upon a course of conduct by which I thought I should escape much of my present persecution.
It was some days, however, before I could put it in practice, and one day I found my father and mother together, and said, 'Mother, why do you not send me to school?'
'You - send you to school! did you mean you, Miss?'
'Yes, I meant myself, because other people go to school to learn something, but I have not been sent at all.'
'Are you not contented?'
'I am not,' I answered, 'because other people learn something; but at the same time, I should be more out of your way, since I am more trouble to you, as you complain of me; it would not cost more than living at home.'
'What is the matter with the child?' asked my father.
'I cannot tell,' said my mother.
'The better way will be to take care of her, and confine her to some part of the house, if she does not behave better.'
'The little minx will be very troublesome.'
'Do you think so?'
'Yes, decidedly.'
'Then we must adopt some more active measures, or we shall have to do what we do not wish. I am amused at her asking to be sent to school! Was ever there heard such wickedness? Well, I could not have believed such ingratitude could have existed in human nature.'
