and in another moment a skilfully-applied box on the ear had changed the grin of delight into a howl of pain.
‘My darling!’ cried his mother, enfolding him in her fat arms. ‘Did they box his ears for nothing? A precious pet!’
‘It’s not for nothing!’ growled the angry father. ‘Are you aware, Madam, that I pay the house-bills, out of a fixed annual sum? The loss of all that wasted butter falls on me! Do you hear, Madam?’
‘Hold your tongue, Sir!’ My Lady spoke very quietly—almost in a whisper. But there was something in her look which silenced him. ‘Don’t you see it was only a joke? And a very clever one, too! He only meant that he loved nobody but her! And, instead of being pleased with the compliment, the spiteful little thing has gone away in a huff!’
The Sub-Warden was a very good hand at changing a subject. He walked across to the window. ‘My dear,’ he said, ‘is that a pig that I see down below, rooting about among your flower-beds?’ [ to 1st preface][ to 2nd preface]
‘A pig!’ shrieked my Lady, rushing madly to the window, and almost pushing her husband out, in her anxiety to see for herself. ‘Whose pig is it? How did it get in? Where’s that crazy Gardener gone?’
At this moment Bruno re-entered the room, and passing Uggug (who was blubbering his loudest, in the hope of attracting notice) as if he was quite used to that sort of thing, he ran up to Sylvie and threw his arms round her. ‘I went to my toy-cupboard,’ he said with a very sorrowful face, ‘to see if there were somefin fit for a present for oo! And there isn’t nuffin! They’s all broken, every one! And I haven’t got no money left, to buy oo a birthday-present! And I ca’n’t give oo nuffin but this!’ (‘This’ was a very earnest hug and a kiss.)
‘Oh, thank you, darling!’ cried Sylvie. ‘I like your present best of all!’ (But if so, why did she give it back so quickly?)
His Sub-Excellency turned and patted the two children on the head with his long lean hands. ‘Go away, dears!’ he said. ‘There’s business to talk over.’
Sylvie and Bruno went away hand in hand: but, on reaching the door, Sylvie came back again and went up to Uggug timidly. ‘I don’t mind about the butter,’ she said, ‘and I—I’m sorry he hurt you!’ And she tried to shake hands with the little ruffian: but Uggug only blubbered louder, and wouldn’t make friends. Sylvie left the room with a sigh.
The Sub-Warden glared angrily at his weeping son. ‘Leave the room, Sirrah!’ he said, as loud as he dared. His wife was still leaning out of the window, and kept repeating ‘I ca’n’t see that pig! Where is it?’
‘It’s moved to the right—now it’s gone a little to the left,’ said the Sub-Warden: but he had his back to the window, and was making signals to the Lord Chancellor, pointing to Uggug and the door, with many a cunning nod and wink.
The Chancellor caught his meaning at last, and, crossing the room, took that interesting child by the ear—the next moment he and Uggug were out of the room, and the door shut behind them: but not before one piercing yell had rung through the room, and reached the ears of the fond mother.
‘What is that hideous noise?’ she fiercely asked, turning upon her startled husband.
‘It’s some hyæna—or other,’ replied the Sub-Warden, looking vaguely up to the ceiling, as if that was where they usually were to be found. ‘Let us to business, my dear. Here comes the Warden.’ And he picked up from the floor a wandering scrap of manuscript, on which I just caught the words ‘after which Election duly holden the said Sibimet and Tabikat his wife may at their pleasure assume Imperial—’ before, with a guilty look, he crumpled it up in his hand. [•]
Chapter 4
A Cunning Conspiracy
The Warden entered at this moment: and close behind him came the Lord Chancellor, a little flushed and out of breath, and adjusting his wig, which appeared to have been dragged partly off his head.
‘But where is my precious child?’ my Lady enquired, as the four took their seats at the small side-table devoted to ledgers and bundles and bills.
‘He left the room a few minutes ago—with the Lord Chancellor,’ the Sub-Warden briefly explained.
‘Ah!’ said my Lady, graciously smiling on that high official. ‘Your Lordship has a very taking way with children! I doubt if any one could gain the ear of my darling Uggug so quickly as you can!’ For an entirely stupid woman, my Lady’s remarks were curiously full of meaning, of which she herself was wholly unconscious.
The Chancellor bowed, but with a very uneasy air. ‘I think the Warden was about to speak,’ he remarked, evidently anxious to change the subject.
But my Lady would not be checked. ‘He is a clever boy,’ she continued with enthusiasm, ‘but he needs a man like your Lordship to draw him out!’
The Chancellor bit his lip, and was silent. He evidently feared that, stupid as she looked, she understood what she said this time, and was having a joke at his expense. He might have spared himself all anxiety: whatever accidental meaning her words might have, she herself never meant anything at all.
‘It is all settled!’ the Warden announced, wasting no time over preliminaries. ‘The Sub-Wardenship is abolished, and my brother is appointed to act as Vice-Warden whenever I am absent. So, as I am going abroad for a while, he will enter on his new duties at once.’
‘And there will really be a Vice after all?’ my Lady enquired.
‘I hope so!’ the Warden smilingly replied.
My Lady looked much pleased, and tried to clap her hands: but you might as well have knocked two feather-beds together, for any noise it made. ‘When my husband is Vice,’ she said, ‘it will be the same as if we had a hundred Vices!’
‘Hear, hear!’ cried the Sub-Warden.
‘You seem to think it very remarkable,’ my Lady remarked with some severity, ‘that your wife should speak the truth!’
‘No, not remarkable at all!’ her husband anxiously explained. ‘Nothing is remarkable that you say, sweet one!’
My Lady smiled approval of the sentiment, and went on. ‘And am I Vice-Wardeness?’
‘If you choose to use that title,’ said the Warden: ‘but “Your Excellency” will be the proper style of address. And I trust that both “His Excellency” and “Her Excellency” will observe the Agreement I have drawn up. The provision I am most anxious about is this.’ He unrolled a large parchment scroll, and read aloud the words ‘“item, that we will be kind to the poor.” The Chancellor
