The Complete Satires & Essays of Mark Twain. Марк Твен
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In the midst of these sorrowful circumstances and this hurricane of yells and screams and satanic clatter of desk-boards, Representative Dr. Kronawetter unfeelingly reminds the Chair that a motion has been offered, and adds: “Say yes, or no! What do you sit there for, and give no answer?”
P. “After I have given a speaker the floor, I cannot give it to another. After Dr. Lecher is through, I will put your motion.” Storm of indignation from the Left.
Wolf (to the Chair). “Thunder and lightning! look at the Rule governing the case!”
Kronawetter. “I move the close of the sitting! And I demand the ayes and noes!”
Dr. Lecher. “Mr. President, have I the floor?”
P. “You have the floor.”
Wolf (to the Chair, in a stentorian voice which cleaves its way through the storm). “It is by such brutalities as these that you drive us to extremities! Are you waiting till some one shall throw into your face the word that shall describe what you are bringing about? Tempest of insulted fury from the Right. Is that what you are waiting for, old Grayhead? Long-continued clatter of desk-boards from the Left, with shouts of “The vote! the vote!” An ironical shout from the Right, “Wolf is boss!”
Wolf keeps on demanding the floor for his motion. At length —
P. “I call Representative Wolf to order! Your conduct is unheard-of, sir! You forget that you are in a parliament; you must remember where you are, sir.” Applause from the Right. Dr. Lecher is still peacefully speaking, the stenographers listening at his lips.
Wolf (banging on his desk with his desk-board) . “I demand the floor for my motion! I won’t stand this trampling of the Rules under foot — no, not if I die for it! I will never yield! You have got to stop me by force. Have I the floor?
P. “Representative Wolf, what kind of behavior is this? I call you to order again. You should have some regard for your dignity.”
Dr. Lecher speaks on. Wolf turns upon him with an offensive innuendo.
Dr. Lecher. “Mr. Wolf, I beg you to refrain from that sort of suggestions.” Storm of hand-clapping from the Right.
This was applause from the enemy, for Lecher himself, like Wolf, was an Obstructionist.
Wolf growls to Lecher: “You can scribble that applause in your album!”
P. “Once more I call Representative Wolf to order! Do not forget that you are a Representative, sir!”
Wolf (slam-banging with his desk-board). “I will force this matter! Are you going to grant me the floor, or not?”
And still the sergeant-at-arms did not appear. It was because there wasn’t any. It is a curious thing, but the Chair has no effectual means of compelling order.
After some more interruptions:
Wolf (banging with his board). “I demand the floor. I will not yield!”
P. “I have no recourse against Representative Wolf. In the presence of behavior like this it is to be regretted that such is the case.” A shout from the Right, “Throw him out!”
It is true, he had no effective recourse. He had an official called an “Ordner,” whose help he could invoke in desperate cases, but apparently the Ordner is only a persuader, not a compeller. Apparently he is a sergeant-at-arms who is not loaded; a good enough gun to look at, but not valuable for business.
For another twenty or thirty minutes Wolf went on banging with his board and demanding his rights; then at last the weary President threatened to summon the dread order-maker. But both his manner and his words were reluctant. Evidently it grieved him to have to resort to this dire extremity. He said to Wolf, “If this goes on, I shall feel obliged to summon the Ordner, and beg him to restore order in the House.”
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