the barricadesWe will all zoom!
For freedom
We will ourselves all maim and doom!
And, jauntily tapping his heels in the Polish manner, Aleksey Alekseyevich would extend his hat and say – Alms, please, for Christ's sake. – This did help and Aleksey Alekseyevich rarely remained without food.
Everything was going well, but then, in the year ''22, Aleksey Alekseyevich got to know a certain Ivan Ivanovich Puzyryov, who dealt in Sunflower oil in the Haymarket. Puzyryov invited Aleksey Alekseyevich to a cafe, treated him to real coffee and, himself chomping fancy cakes, expounded to him some sort of complicated enterprise of which Aleksey Alekseyevich understood only that he had to do something, in return for which he would receive from Puzyryov the most costly items of nutrition. Aleksey Alekseyevich agreed and Puzyryov, on the spot, as an incentive, passed him under the table two caddies of tea and a packet of Rajah cigarettes.
After this, Aleksey Alekseyevich came to see Puzyryov every morning at the market, and picking up from him some sort of papers with crooked signatures and numerous seals, took a sleigh, if it were winter and if it were summer a cart, and set off as instructed by Puzyryov, to do the rounds of various establishments where, producing the papers, he would receive some sort of boxes, which he would load on to his sleigh or cart, and in the evening take them to Puzyryov at his flat. But once, when Aleksey Alekseyevich had just rolled up in his sleigh at Puzyryov's flat, two men came up to him, one of whom was in a military great – coat, and asked him: – Is your name Alekseyev? – Then Aleksey Alekseyevich was put into an automobile and taken away to prison.
At the interrogation, Aleksey Alekseyevich understood nothing and just kept saying that he had suffered for his revolutionary motherland. But, despite this, he was sentenced to ten years of exile in his motherland's northern parts. Having got back in the year ''28 to Leningrad, Aleksey Alekseyevich began to ply his previous trade and, standing up on the corner of Volodarskiy, tossed back his head with dignity, tapped his heel and sang out:
To the barricades
We will all zoom!
For freedom
We will ourselves all maim and doom!
But he did not even manage to sing it through twice before he was taken away in a covered vehicle to somewhere in the direction of the Admiralty. His feet never touched the ground.
And there we have a short narrative of the life of the valiant knight and patriot, Aleksey Alekseyevich Alekseyev.
A Story
Abram Demyanovich Pentopasov cried out loudly and pressed a handkerchief to his eyes. But it was too late. Ash and soft dust had gummed up Abram Demyanovich's eyes. From then on Abram Demyanovich's eyes began to hurt, they were gradually covered over with repulsive scabs, and Abram Demyanovich went blind.
As a blind invalid, Abram Demyanovich was given the push from his job and accorded a wretched pittance of thirty – six roubles a month.
Quite clearly this sum was insufficient for Abram Demyanovich to live on. A kilo of bread cost a rouble and ten kopecks, and a leek cost forty – eight kopecks at the market.
And so the industrial invalid began more and more to concentrate his attention on rubbish bins.
It was difficult for a blind man to find the edible scraps among all the peelings and filth.
Even finding the rubbish itself in someone else's yard is not easy. You can't see it with your eyes, and to ask – Whereabouts here is your rubbish bin? – is somehow a bit awkward.
The only way left is to sniff it out.
Some rubbish bins reek so much you can smell them a mile away, but others with lids are absolutely impossible to detect.
It's all right if you happen upon a kindly caretaker, but the other sort would so put the wind up you that you'd lose your appetite.
Once Abram Demyanovich climbed into someone's rubbish bin and when he was in there a rat bit him, and he climbed straight back out again. So that day he didn't eat anything. But then one morning something jumped out of Abram Demyanovich's right eye.
Abram Demyanovich rubbed the eye and suddenly saw daylight. And then something jumped out of his left eye, too, and Abram Demyanovich saw the light.
From that day on it was all downhill for Abram Demyanovich.
Everywhere Abram Demyanovich was in great demand.
In the People's Committee for Heavy Industry office Abram Demyanovich was a minor sensation.
And so Abram Demyanovich became a great man.
An Unexpected Drinking Bout
Once Antonina Alekseyevna struck her husband with her office stamp and imprinted his forehead with stamp – pad ink.
The mortally offended Pyotr Leonidovich, Antonina Alekseyevna's husband, locked himself in the bathroom and wouldn't let anyone in.
However, the residents of the communal flat, having a strong need to get in to where Pyotr Leonidovich was sitting, decided to break down the locked door by force.
Seeing that the game was up, Pyotr Leonidovich came out of the bathroom and, going back into his own flat, lay down on the bed.
But Antonina Alekseyevna decided to persecute her husband to the limit. She tore up little bits of paper and showered them on to Pyotr Leonidovich who was lying on the bed.
The infuriated Pyotr Leonidovich leaped out into the corridor and set about tearing the wallpaper.
At this point all the residents ran out and, seeing what the hapless Pyotr Leonidovich was doing, they threw themselves on to him and ripped the waistcoat that he was wearing.
Pyotr Leonidovich ran off to the porter's office.
During this time, Antonina Alekseyevna had stripped naked and had hidden in a trunk.
Ten minutes later Pyotr Leonidovich returned, followed by the house manager.
Not finding his wife in the room, Pyotr Leonidovich and the house manager decided to take advantage of the empty premises in order to down some vodka. Pyotr Leonidovich undertook to run off to the corner for the said beverage.
When Pyotr Leonidovich had gone out, Antonina Alekseyevna climbed out of the trunk and appeared before the house manager in a state of nakedness.
The shaken house manager leaped from his chair and rushed up to the window, but, seeing the stout build of the young twenty – six – year – old woman, he suddenly gave way to wild rapture.
At this point Pyotr Leonidovich returned with a litre of vodka.
Catching sight of what was afoot in his room, Pyotr Leonidovich knitted his brows.
But his spouse Antonina Alekseyevna showed him her office stamp and Pyotr Leonidovich calmed down. Antonina Alekseyevna expressed a desire to participate in the drinking session, but strictly on condition that she maintain her naked state and, to boot, that she sit on the table on which it was proposed to set out the snacks to accompany the vodka. The men sat down on chairs, Antonina Alekseyevna sat on the table and the drinking commenced.
It
