potential.
After that the rabbis feelings calmed down again, for most of the boys whom he asked about the story of Abraham made the impression that they had understood God’s message. Samuel had regained confidence. Not as much was lost as had seemed at first.
“May the blessing of our almighty father be with you. May he guard and protect you, may he let you recognize that Gods ways and messages are clearly visible. May the saviour appear soon to protect us from evil. See you tomorrow.” He had taken a little dig at Jesus there. After all the boy had to recognize quickly who was the boss in the synagogue.
I don’t like it when Simeon calls me blue-eyes, as if I had any choice in the color of my eyes. It happened again today in the synagogue. I get so angry then that I would like to slap him, but unfortunately I am weaker then he is. I would not stand a chance. But I also know from you that violence and revenge is not the path that I am supposed to take. As I recognize later on these feelings are not mine at all. They are transferred onto me by those grotesque faces. And I know that you are not angry at me for having such thoughts, but I believe that I can return those thoughts to you and share them with you, thereby relieving my human heart some, by regularly writing down my thoughts and impressions. And then the lesson with that rabbi. Samuel truly is a very stupid person. He does not recognize the divine revelations even when they are lying open right in front of his eyes. Instead he considers false messages to be the words of God. Do all rabbis not see this or is only Samuel this dumb? Looks like the task that I am here to do may get gnarly. Fortunately I can always think of something to say, but it will not be easy for me in the future. I can sense that.
Father, please protect me this night and please help all souls that have to suffer. May it always be thus, father.
∞
The family of the rabbi sat at supper. Joshua was happy that all of the rituals which accompanied the meal had been completed. The prayers had also been spoken, and both of the Challoths, two loafs of bread that symbolized the manna had been sliced, and the traditional hymns had been sung.
The evening meal in the house of the rabbi proceeded as usual: without a word, but the atmosphere was more tense than usual. Joshua knew that he would have to face a lecture this evening. He should pay more attention, not dream so much and so on. Thus he ate some more olives to strengthen himself for the talk. He noticed how his mother gave his father an intense look and how he noticed that glance and briefly growled to himself.
“Joshua, I would like to take quick walk with you through our village. I have some things to say to you.”
Samuel did not sound a strict as usual, there was even a hint of kindness but ever since the evening of the celebration which had been given in honor of the family of Joseph, Joshua was afraid of his father. Afraid of that destructive anger, afraid of his helplessness, of being defenseless against Samuel due to his physical weakness. The pain had been too much, the hate of Samuel which he had felt like arrow points had been too overpowering. Thus he merely gave a weak nod in response. After all he was not allowed to speak at the table.
The meal was finished, Sarah sent Judith to the bedroom and Esther to clean the pots. The man and the boy walked out into the clear night. For a long time they walked silently through the village. They headed towards the meadow. Then the passed the house of Zephaniah at the very end of the village.
“I don’t want you to spend so much time with Yeshua, or Jesus, as he prefers to be called.” Samuel spoke quietly and concentrated. “He is dangerous. He is not good for you, for I want you to be raised in the spirit of our forefathers. I want you to continue in my footsteps later on. And that is why I also expect you to be more concentrated in the synagogue. Have you understood me?”
“Yes father. I am sorry, but I was thinking about the words of Jesus. Was what he said so very wrong?”
“Yes, damnations, lord, excuse my expression, it was so very wrong. I explained why this morning already. Did you not hear me then?”
“Of course.”
“Well then everything should be clear.” Samuel paused. Meanwhile they had reached the meadow and the well and were about to head back home.
“Joshua, there is something else I must tell you.” Samuel hesitated a little. “Your mother thinks that I should apologize to you for … yes you know what I mean. You deserved it, for one does not embarrass me in such a way in front of the inhabitants of Nazareth, … but I suppose it was a bit too hard.” Samuel mumbled some words into his beard that Joshua was not able to understand.
“Hmm.”
“What, hmm?”
“I have heard your words.”
“Yes, then all is well. I am glad that we had a good talk about this.”
“Father, may I stay outside a few minutes here and look at the stars?”
“Yes, as an exception. But not too long.”
Joshua waited until his father had disappeared inside. Then he slowly walked up the slope to his olive tree. He leaned against the trunk, looked up at the sky and let his gaze glide across the horizon. There he once again saw a light racing across Mt. Tabor whose outline he could barely make out in the darkness. At the same time, while tracking the light, he heard a voice which seemed to come from inside him.
“Jesus is a very ancient and wise soul“, it said. “He is the saviour of humankind. Try to learn from him. You have chosen this.”
Wow. That voice again. Where did it come from? He looked around again, yet could not see anyone nearby. Joshua was felt torn back and forth. Yes, he loved Jesus and believed this, however if he did not obey the words of his father he would have difficult times ahead of him. He observed the light a while longer until it suddenly disappeared. Just like that. Now only the stars were visible. But what had that been? Should he ask his mother about it some time?
Joshua started to head back home, for Samuel could get pretty ugly otherwise. Joshua had to acknowledge to himself that he had had enough of a lecture already for today. He carefully walked down the stony path, peered in the direction of Jesus’ house, and then went to bed. He fell asleep quickly and dreamt of black dogs again that pursued him and wanted to kill him.
∞
In the late afternoon Joshua sat on the side of the road underneath a mulberry tree and watched the playing children. At the moment he did not feel like playing with them. He had been more attentive in school this morning, he remembered, his father had had no reason to complain. However Jesus had been quieter than usual. And thus the two friends had not had the chance to exchange a few words. The words which he had spoken the day before were still circling in his head. Where did Jesus have this knowledge from? What is am ancient wise soul? He was not able to continue with that thought, for Ismael ran by him and shouted out to everyone that a caravan had appeared on the horizon of the way toward Jafia. Whenever a caravan came from that direction, Joshua knew exactly that it brought much gold and silver from Egypt. Just once he had been allowed to hold a small golden bowl in his hands at one of the merchants. It had been very heavy. He always asked himself how the camels were able to transport all of that weight. He admired their strength.
There was a building near the well which provided a safe shelter for people and animals before the caravan departed again in the morning to reach their next stop Magdala on the coast of the Sea of Galilee the following evening. But now he was just excited because so many people and camels were coming to Nazareth this time.
