of problems, are they bombarded by others? Why are they so driven to repeat the same patterns of self-destructive behavior in relationships over and over again? They ask why life isn’t more satisfying or secure, as it seems for so many other people.
What so many of us ask during the most gut-wrenching times of our lives is, “Why me? Why does it always happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?”
Although there are a few enlightened souls who have already resolved all of their issues, rest assured that most people are still struggling with issues just like you are, no matter how flawless or successful their lives may appear from the outside. They may very well be working on different issues, and the nature of what they’re trudging through may seem much less arduous than your current challenges.
In spite of your enlightenment and maturity, it is sometimes demoralizing to see other people create the kind of daily existence that you’ve only fantasized about in your dreams. Others seem to have secured a blissful personal relationship, raised well-adjusted children, reached a pinnacle of professional accomplishment, established financial independence, and maintained excellent physical health and fitness.
When one follows one’s chosen destiny on the earthly plane, that wonderful quality of life is attainable. Nevertheless, when you’re a witness to such fulfillment but not currently enjoying that kind of existence, your life may be extremely depressing—not because you begrudge the other person his quality of life but because his success highlights everything you haven’t yet achieved.
As a defense mechanism, we may self-destructively justify our own lack of initiative by thinking to ourselves: “Well, they have a special talent, so it’s easier for them.” “Having a rich family like they have would solve a lot of problems.” “They didn’t have to contend with a childhood like mine.” “They reached success so early, they’ll never know what a real struggle is!”
These uncomfortable feelings may provide you with an incentive to work toward a better life. If you can replace the “if only I had their success” thought pattern with the type of philosophy that proclaims, “if he or she can do it, then I can, too, by following my own special destiny,” you’ll develop a powerful new ability to move forward and create the quality of life you most desire.
At the same time that we’re feeling sorry for ourselves, it’s amazing how superior we often act toward people who are still struggling with issues we’ve already resolved. For example, have you ever found yourself thinking any of the following thoughts?
“What is taking him so long to see the problem? Is he a nincompoop? I’m going to help by giving him my advice!” “Why is she so self-destructive? Why can’t she just muster the determination and give up the addiction? I’m going to give her the name of my therapist!” “How can she allow herself to be treated that way? Why doesn’t she stand up for herself? If that happened to me, I’d give him a piece of my mind! And I’m going to tell her so!”
If you’ve actually said anything resembling those statements, especially when no one asked for your opinion, you’re attempting to teach someone who has not yet indicated that he or she is willing to be your student. You may be earnestly trying to help, but to an individual who really isn’t ready to move forward, it may feel as though you’re dragging him kicking and screaming. All of us have had that experience, and it certainly isn’t pleasant at the time, especially when you’re the one on the receiving end.
A client of mine describes the situation like this: “It’s like trying to teach a pig to fly. You won’t get anywhere, and it makes the pig very annoyed.”
Do you realize those very same family members, friends, and acquaintances who are still grappling with the issues you’ve worked through may see your life as simple, secure, and so much less difficult than theirs? Have you ever heard someone say, in all sincerity, “Well, you just don’t understand—your life has been so easy. You’ve never had problems like mine.”?
It sounds as if they’re insinuating that you’ve never had to struggle or worry and that perhaps things have simply been handed to you. If you’ve been the recipient—or target—of such a remark, you were probably dumbfounded. When similar statements have been made to me, I’ve discovered that it’s pointless to argue. I try to consider that perhaps I’ve worked through some issues that they haven’t, and my life could very well seem, from the outside, much less complicated than theirs.
I also believe that if you can rely on your sense of humor in the process of resolving issues, the ability to laugh at yourself as well as to appreciate the irony in life will certainly make your earthly experiences more tolerable.
Because it typically requires significant adversity to resolve an issue, life’s lessons often feel as though we’ve been hit over the head with a twenty-pound iron skillet. What’s more, some of us have to be whacked over the head several times before we figure things out—which makes us considerably bruised in the process. Even worse, sometimes we continue to be hit over the head while remaining clueless about what’s happening.
I have to admit that I used to be the poster girl for people who needed to be reminded of an issue several times before finally resolving it. But bruises do heal, and through this process, I finally gained some hard-won maturity and enlightenment. Unbelievably, those of us who take a little while longer to learn have a distinct advantage. When we finally recognize an issue and choose to learn from it—wow, have we ever learned the lesson thoroughly!
Consequently, if you continue to repeat the same patterns of derailing problems from job to job, or from relationship to relationship, you must ask yourself, “What am I missing? What is the lesson I am supposed to be learning here?”
Remember that you attract the learning experiences you need at that time. There are no accidents in the universe. Everything that happens has occurred for a specific reason and at a time that will ultimately be most beneficial for all involved.
Concerning the troublesome people in your life, understand that each stressful relationship has a specific purpose involving the resolution of shared issues. Concentrate on the people in your life with whom you have dissension. What are you supposed to be learning from them? What, if anything, are you contributing to the present dysfunction? In order to streamline your forward movement, it’s important to avoid the self-destructive and self-righteous habit of blaming others for the disharmony. When you fail to recognize your accountability in the spiritual equation, the universe will continue to provide the same frying-pan-over-the-head learning experiences until you understand. And the learning experiences that continue to focus on the same issues become tougher and more serious as time passes.
How can you determine how thoroughly you’re addressing your issues? I’m going to share a wonderful, insightful exercise with you that has been recommended to a number of my clients by their guardian angels.
Taking Stock
Sit down with a notebook and pen to perform what the angels refer to as “Taking Stock.” The process of taking stock is an extremely valuable investment of your time and energy because it will help you understand how you have been investing your spiritual and emotional energies. You will realize how much you’ve actually grown, even if it seems to you as though you haven’t been accomplishing anything at all.
Set aside several hours and find a comfortable spot where you won’t be disturbed. What you’re going to do is look back over the last ten to twelve years of your life. Arbitrarily pick a starting point that reflects a difficult situation that you experienced. It could be a lingering injury or illness, a hurtful relationship, an awful job, or a memorable financial hardship. Just make brief notes about each episode in a sentence
