CHAPTER 4 Re: Grandfather
The basics of easy internationalism, the air conditioners balanced in The Barbarians’ bedroom windows high over the sidewalks, and the aerosol cans that shoot soft cheese all depend on oil.
And Grandfather saw this.
He and his brothers under the skin knew what Marx knew: The totality of a culture’s potential expressions and manifestations—easy diet, easy clothes, easy entertainment, easy “government,” easy intimacy, and easy easiness—are all rooted in that intersection of material and labor.
A nostalgic cut of jeans; the springs that puncture sweatshop bunk-beds, doors locked from the outside; the dramatic arc of cop buddy films; the rushed hugs at last call: all the outcome of oil and its easy distribution.
Of course, Engels had a trust fund and supported Marx while he developed his ideas about labor and its relations to capital.
And poor Marx died depressed after the death of his wife and the suicides of both of his daughters.
Grandfather was SkullnBones Class of ’16.
And he stole Geronimo’s skull.
Yes, the fucking skull of fucking Geronimo became a piece of his bric-a-brac.
As an artillery officer in WWI, he had to admit to a lie: He hadn’t really saved the lives of The Homelan, The UK, and France’s top military commanders by diving to ricochet an incoming shell with his bolo knife.
His embarrassed parents had already made plans for their local paper to run the story on its front page.
And his dad, as a member of The Homelan’s War Industries Board in WWI, made $200,000,000 manufacturing munitions for Remingtons.
$200,000,000 in ’18 is the equivalent of infinity dollars today.
So same as a chimney sweep is fated to oily wrists, and a gardener predetermined to his soily chin, Grandfather got appointed head of DrSSr.
And instead of competing for oil, DrSSr controlled the technology that makes drilling feasible.
Back in ’12 Grandfather’s bosses The Harrymans partnered with The Ruckafellas to invest $11,000,000 into eugenics research.
That same year Churchill presided over the first international conference on eugenics in London.
In ’32 the conference met in NY.
And The Family’s train line organized the transit of all the prominent Germans from Berlin to lead the conference.
Given the spontaneous and audacious hysteria of investment opportunities at the end of WWI, it’s little surprise that Grandfather helped finance Hitler’s rise.
Hitler had lost the popular eleccion in ’32 to an aging war hero.
But almost 40 German business leaders signed a petition to overturn the results.
And in a meeting with Homelan and UK banks—one Dullis Bro was there, I’d guess the one that famously seduced The Queen of Greece—all agreed that Hitler be named chancellor.
A week later The Reichstag burned, and emergency laws thwacked into effect.
And a year later The German Prez died, and Hitler merged the offices of Chancellor and Prez.
In ’33, Grandfather’s bank conspired with agents of Chase Bank, GM, Goodyear, The Ruckafellas, and The PuDonts to attempt to overthrow the “Government” here in The Homelan, hoping to install a fascist dictatorship.
They tried to recruit Marine Corps Major General Smedley to lead the coup, but they failed to consider that Smedley had ardently stumped for FDR in ’32, so the plan never got past its initial planning stages.
In ’34 Smedley told Congress all about it, and The House McCormack-Dickstein Committee officially acknowledged the existence of the conspiracy.
But no charges were pressed.
And the next year Smedley published his short book, War Is a Racket.
Hovver seized Grandfather’s bank as a NAZI asset in ’42 under the Trading With The Enemy Act cuz Grandfather’s bank represented the Homelan business interests of a German industrialist named Fritz.
The NAZIs were still a radical fringe party when Fritz inherited his dad’s steel and coal empire in ’26.
Fritz bailed out the struggling party on several occasions, was eventually nicknamed “Hitler’s Angel” and even titled his autobiography, I Paid Hitler.
Grandfather also served on the board of at least one of the companies in Fritz’s multinational network of fronts.
This was all quite common and none of it was illegal- illegal.
Coca-Cola invented Fanta to continue to sell cola to the German market.
And the NAZIs depended on IBM’s punch cards to organize the mountains of census data the holocaust required.
But it didn’t look too good.
And even more delicate for public appearances was The Family’s connection to a mining company on the German- Polish border that depended on slave labor from the camps.
We couldn’t let The Reds get them first, so The Homelan made a deal with Hitler’s intel chief in ’45: More than 100 war criminals would be protected and no charges pressed, so long as they all worked for The CIA.
And by ’46, The Joint Chiefs gave orders to hire 5,000 NAZI scientists.
NAZI rocket scientists, NAZI Public Relations specialists, NAZI doctors and graphic designers and assassins: with The Catholic Church’s help, we found jobs for all of them.
Remember Mengele’s nickname among the children at Auschwitz: The Good Uncle.
And in ’47 The National Security Act became law.
’47, what a year!
The crash at Roswell; that postmodern occultist Crowley died; Churchill coined the phrase “Iron Curtain” and The Cold War began; The House UnHomelan Activities Committee got aggressive, in effect admitting that culture is weaponized; and The Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered in West Bank caves, shaking up the history of The Old Testament.
The National Security Act changed the name of The War Dept. to The Defense Dept. and with these ex-NAZIs as its cornerstones, The CIA was founded.
How Grandfather relished the newspaper as a boy!
Tracking the misadventures of Wyatt Earp and Pat Garrett.
He chuckled at Mark Twain’s political opinions and marveled at the fantastical inventions of Jules Verne.
Controversy over Andrew Carnegie’s philanthropic philosophies crammed the columns.
And
