a while I heard footsteps on the stairs but it wasn’t Rusty. I’d know his footsteps anywhere. It was his dad. I sat on the balcony, my feet hanging off the edge, legs through the wrought iron rail surrounding it, hands tightly gripping the supports, trying not to cry, trying even harder now that Bill was beside me.
“How long ago did this happen?”
I swallowed hard trying to control my voice, “Two weeks ago.”
“I don’t want to sound cruel, but I’m glad this is tough for you. We see it the other way too often, where it’s a macho thing to be able to bring down a man. It should never be easy. But if it’s the right thing to do there’s nothing you can do about it, and in the canyon it was the right thing to do. Everybody downstairs knows that. You’re allowed to mourn for criminals, too. I’m glad to see you’re one of those who does.”
“I don’t even know who he was.”
“It doesn’t matter. He was a person and every life is precious. Don’t let it be any other way.”
“Did you tell Rusty that the first time he…”
“I even told him that before he became a cop. I told him that when we was six and wanted to be a cop. And as I tried to get him to value life I also told him that some day he’d find a life so precious he wouldn’t want to let it go. And when he discovered that life he should hold onto it with all his heart.”
“He has. I haven’t made it easy for him but he listened to you, and he did what you said.”
“I know, I could see it in his eyes when you came out of the mine.”
He came and sat with his feet hanging off the balcony too.
“Thank you,” I said, “you’ve been a good dad for Rusty. Nobody else could have stuck with me through the things he has. He has been nothing but patient and kind even when I fill his life with grief.”
“I doubt he sees it like that.”
“The first time he saw me I was in danger. I’d been carjacked by a bank robber. I’ve been stalked by a crazy murderer and attacked by animals. I’ve been in a car wreck and an avalanche. Seems like every time I turn around something bad happens to me and Rusty takes it all in stride. I don’t know how he does it.”
“How do you do it?”
“I’m too busy dealing with whatever happened to worry about myself. I just do what I can whether it means running or stalling or fighting or hiking for the Jeep. When Rusty proposed I almost said no. In a way I did, but he was crushed and I couldn’t stand to see him like that. I just thought it wasn’t fair to put him through all the trouble that happens to me. But then, when I saw his response, I knew he’d be there whether we were married or not. I knew putting any more distance between us would only hurt more. So I said yes. And I love him with all my heart... I feel like I’ve doomed him. But I’ll try, I’ll really try to stay out of trouble.”
Just like Strict and Schroeder, he had that look about him. It was a mixture of sadness and wonder. They seemed to wonder how an innocent looking kid like me could cause so much trouble. They worried about what that might mean for the future, for their jobs. And yet they always sat back and marveled as I came through each and every crisis that befell me. Now I saw that same look on Rusty’s dad and he had barely met me.
“Since I graduated from academy things have been better. An emotional roller coaster, but better. The mine was rough on Rusty. You know the story from the news. It was easier for me. It was just a dark camping trip with a kid for me. But Rusty’s had a hard time with it. That’s why we came here. We both needed a break. He needed to do something fun. We went to the beach today and had a blast. That was good for him. I could see the worry fading away while we were at the beach. He needs more days like that.”
“How does Rusty respond when you have these things happen to you?”
“While they are happening he does everything by the book. He knows the drill. Afterwards, when we are finally alone, he just needs to hold me close. He says he just needs to…”
“…feel you be alive,” he said, finishing my sentence for me.
“Yes, exactly.”
“I used to have the same response when I was in uniform. Something would happen, a bad car wreck involving a woman, or a violent crime against a woman, and I’d come home and just hold Bev and be thankful everything was really still okay. I didn’t know it wore off onto Rusty.”
“Maybe he just takes after you.”
“Maybe. Are you ready for round two of dinner? Come downstairs and tell the family a little about yourself.”
The mood was rather subdued when we got downstairs. Nobody knew how to act. Everyone was still sitting around the table, just talking until Bill and I walked in. I took my plate, microwaved it, then sat down and started eating again, waiting for the conversation to begin.
“Cassidy, I’m sorry,” Chase said.
“There’s no need to apologize. You were just making conversation. I’m sorry I reacted badly.”
“So,” said Bill, “tell us a little about yourself. Where did you grow up? Do you have any family?”
So I told them about growing up on a quarter horse ranch, raised as a boy, hunting, tracking, camping, cowboying.
“I can rope, flank and tie a calf almost as quickly as the ranch hands. They are better at it because they are big guys and handle the horses day in and day out. Every once in a while we will have a friendly competition and I hold my own when they challenge me. I’m pretty handy on a horse.”
“But I can’t watch her do it anymore. I watched her get thrown once, and the horse fell on top of her. I thought I’d lost her right then and there. But she got up, dusted herself off and got back up on the horse again.”
“Ranch procedure, you know that.”
“Yeah, but I’ll never understand it. One of my favorite things to do is watch Cassidy stalk deer. There is a place where we like to go camping and nearby is a meadow where deer graze. She can get into the herd and lay there with the deer all around her. She has taught me how to do it a little but I’ll never be as good at it as she is. And she knows how to be invisible in the woods. A time or two I’ve looked for her when she was trying to stay hidden and she is impossible to find if she doesn’t want to be found.”
Chase followed all this with interest.
“Rusty asked me to teach him how to track and we spent two days out in the hills by the ranch, me walking, him tracking. He’s getting better at it. I tend to hide my tracks without thinking about it so it has been good practice for him.”
“Cassidy, do you mind me asking? How old are you?” Rusty’s mom interjected, “You don’t look old enough to have done all this. When I first saw you I thought you were fifteen.”
“I’m twenty-five. Eighteen years on the ranch, four years in the Marines, one year of marriage, no kids, no messy divorce, one ugly plane crash, six months of…of, well, and then I met Rusty.”
“It took me forever
