The Journals of Major Peabody: A Portfolio of Deceptions, Improbable Stories and Commentaries about Upland Game Birds, Waterfowl, Dogs and Popular Delusions. Galen Winter
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“I see flocks of starlings descending upon the springtime fields and forests where they will eat huge volumes of wood ticks. I see wood ticks being listed on the official endangered species lists. I see the Sierra Club disintegrating over the internal struggle of whether or not they will expend their treasury to protect the tick. In short, my young barrister friend, I see a bright and shining future.”
I’ll admit I was a bit miffed by the Major’s insensitivity to the problem of starvation.
“I don’t share your confidence in the abilities of the scientific community,” I told him. “A miscalculation in some university laboratory could result in the mutating of a virus, changing it from one that causes nothing more than the common sniffles into one becoming a primary cause of death. Some mad scientists could create a species of huge ravenous mosquito unaffected by Deet laden sprays and able to remove an man’s entire blood supply with a single feeding.”
“There,” I said to myself, “that ought to give him something to think about.” The Major, however, would not be dissuaded. “Pish and Tosh,” he snorted. “Outdoorsmen have been fighting mosquitoes for centuries. Malaria and Yellow Fever couldn’t stop us from producing the long list of achievements we have given to mankind.”
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