a patty then plops it on the hot grill. She then brushes a bun with melted grease from a stainless steel container and lays them gently on the grill, being careful not to let her fingernails make contact. She stands at the grill looking at her nails while the hamburger cooks. “Just want you to know. We have eighty-five confirmed tickets for the barbeque tonight.” I’m not sure if Helen is speaking to both of us, or just to Karen. Is eighty-five a lot, or is that a low turnout? Karen does not respond, so I’m not sure how I’m supposed to respond. I say nothing. Helen continues. “And as we know, twenty or thirty extra guests usually just show up without tickets.” Where have I landed? How could one small restaurant in the middle of nowhere be the center point of a major food source for some unknown hidden community? I really expected this job to be casual and easy going. Is it too late with too little money to run home to mom and dad? Would Lori take me in? My sons would love for mom to move in. Wouldn’t they? No, I could never ever admit failure.
I need to get Bonita and Bandito out to pee as soon as possible. Is that bacon soaking grease into my purse? When will Ray fix my water leak? My mosquito bites are burning and itching again. That is one hell of a pile of corn to shuck! I think I’m having an anxiety attack, but no one notices, or even cares.
I stop ranting in my mind and take a deep breath. I close my eyes and chant to myself within the quiet place inside. ‘I own my life, and only mine, and so I shall appreciate my person, and so I shall make proper use of myself.’ I take another deep breath and begin again. ‘I own my life, and only…’
“Billy I could never ever thank ya enough as long as I live!” My concealed chanting is silenced by the sound of Ruby who is over by the register hugging Billy, who is patting Ruby’s back. Billy has a cigarette in her mouth and it bobbles up and down as she says something to Ruby in their embrace. Ruby has some cash in her hand and is crying. Billy starts heading in the direction of the kitchen with Ruby following behind.
As soon as Billy enters the kitchen area, an aura of control and reason seems to follow her. Karen smiles and Helen stands up straighter, no longer looking at her fingernails. I can feel Billy’s powerful and reassuring presence; at least I am praying that she has some sort of power over these people. I need someone who is grounded in this whack joint, please!
Ruby leans on the meat counter and is looking in our direction with a sort of slobbery look on her face, a sort of sincere dreamy happiness with a slight bit of drunkenness.
“Hi Ruby.” Both Karen and Helen acknowledge Ruby.
“Hi Ruby.” I am the only one smiling at her.
“Denise! Hi! How the hell ya doin’?” I feel slightly more loved and appreciated at the moment, even under the circumstances. Billy taps my back in a reassuring way as she passes on her way to the cold storage unit. She knows that she has put me in hell! She’s going to be my rock, my firm ground to depend on. She’s glad I’m here. I just know she is! She knows everyone else is nuts! All is well.
Billy comes out with a dozen eggs and a twelve pack of beer. She puts it up on the meat counter and has Ruby sign a piece of paper.
“Thanks again Billy. Yur the best!” Ruby walks out of the building with her goods.
“First things first.” Billy says calmly and directed at me. “Never, I repeat; never, loan that girl any money. You’ll never get it back. Bless her heart. She means well, but she just can’t get it together, always a crisis with her. The damn dog that I told her not to get in the first place, got bit by a rattlesnake yesterday and needs anti-venom. I can’t let the brute die! Can’t much afford to save it either. So Denise, how ya gettin’ along?”
Karen and Helen are staring at me. “Great, Billy! Everything’s just great!” I fib, while thinking about the twenty bucks I’ll never see again.
“That fifth wheel gonna be okay for ya?” Billy asks.
“It’s just fine. Thank you very much.”
“Good. Now let’s all get ourselves busy. People will be coming in for lunch, and we have a lot to do to get ready for the barbeque. Karen, get the slabs of tri-tip out of the cold storage and bring it here. I need to season it for Bubba to get on the barbeque pit. Denise, how’s that potato salad comin’?”
“I believe it’s about ready Billy.” We have a leader! I’m so happy!
“Good. Good. Now we better get the corn shucked and get the beans in a kettle. It takes a few hours to heat up that amount of beans. Helen, get the lettuce and soak it in the sink.” Billy has obviously been doing this routine for years.
“Uh, Billy? I’m sorry but could I go back to my trailer for just a few minutes and let my dogs out? It’ll just take a minute.”
“No problem! Just get yurself back here ASAP.”
I walk out the back door next to the grill. My dogs are barking. There is a stench in the air, a mixture of smoky lighter fluid and something rotting. As I walk down the delivery ramp of the kitchen, I pass the large trash compactor. It has sticky ooze coming out from the bottom ledge. Flies are buzzing on and around the slime. There is a flytrap hanging above and near the trash compactor that is full to capacity with dead and trapped flies. I see the barbeque drum flaming, but do not see Bubba or Terry. Bonita and Bandito can now see me coming in view through the screen door and turn up the volume of their barking, in fact they even start howling like little wolves. I might have to shut the broken door from now on to keep them quiet.
Bubba and Terry are setting up picnic tables on the lawn area. I wave at them as I pass. They do not wave back since at the moment they are moving a heavy table, but I doubt if they’d wave anyway.
It’s pretty warm inside the trailer. The dogs are panting, but do not seem overheated. I look up at the small air-conditioner in the ceiling and hope that it works when the time comes to need it.
“I’ve got a treat for you, but first let’s go outside!” They are so excited to see me. I walk the dogs for a short distance from the fifth wheel, and then take them back inside. I feel so guilty, the same guilt I had for so many years raising my sons. Being single and working full time, would often necessitate that my sons be at home after school waiting for me for an hour or two. They were old enough to take care of themselves, and probably loved having the house free of a mom. By the time I’d get home they were usually playing with their cousins or friends and would happily tear into the chili dogs or pizza I’d bring home. Comfort food always helps erase any idea of abandonment or neglect, which was in my mind only, not theirs. It never felt right to not be at home waiting, wearing an apron, and holding a large plate of warm cookies. I couldn’t help but worry, but again, I had made my choice to be single and self-sufficient. There are some prices to pay for freedom and survival.
“Look at this! Momma brings home the bacon!” I wave the crisp bacon in the air. Bonita and Bandito are very happy about this treat. I am forgiven once again.
I am not too hungry. That breakfast was enough to last me until dinner, but I grab an apple anyway, put it in my purse, and turn on my small fan. I lift up the broken door, set it on the threshold, and shut the duct-taped door.
When I return to the kitchen, Billy has three hamburgers cooking on the grated grill. There are a few customers sitting at the dining tables. The flat grill has two large kettles of beans in the back area and toward the front are the hamburger buns for the three hamburgers. Two of the six burners on the stove have two large kettles of water ready to boil for the corn when the time comes, and resting on the front four burners are pans with aluminum foil covering something very large. It could be the seasoned tri-tip. A small
