He gave me some questions to guide me. Questions like, What would you do? What would Jesus be like? What would you be like? What would you talk about? What would he say? How would you answer if Jesus asked you “What do you want?”
I wasn’t too sure about this kind of assignment. However, I decided to try it. I set aside an hour. I read the passage several times. I asked God to guide me. Then I waited, listened, reflected and tried to put myself in the place of John’s disciples.
What was my experience like? In a word, it was awkward. To be honest, it wasn’t so much the assignment. I felt awkward spending time with Jesus. I sensed that he was completely present, fully engaged, very interested and totally unrushed. The problem was…me. I didn’t know what to say. I kept thinking we should be “doing” something rather than just hanging out together. I kept looking at my watch, wondering when I could get back to my work.
Then I got to the “what would he say” question. So I asked Jesus if he wanted to say anything to me. I don’t usually hear voices, and I’m fairly cautious when I hear other people say “God told me.” In this instance, however, I sensed Jesus saying something to me. It was simply “Enjoy me.”
I knew what this meant. I believe that Jesus was reminding me that I was designed for relationship with him. He was gently rebuking me for my busyness and my insatiable appetite for doing—particularly doing more leading and more ministry. He was reminding me of God’s great love for me. He was calling me from a compulsion of doing to simply being.
Unfortunately, on this lesson I am a slow learner. Since becoming a Christ-follower, my default has been to strive toward more activity, more work and more ministry. Despite the theological truth in my head about God’s love for me, I’m much more inclined to show or tell others about God’s love for them than to receive it, rest in it or enjoy it myself.
Part of my challenge may be having grown up with a strong work ethic. Part may be how I came to faith. My faith journey wasn’t so much about God’s great love for me as it was about the evidence behind the faith. The empty tomb and the historical evidence of Jesus’ life were and still are a huge cornerstone to my faith. My personality temperament is also geared more toward thinking, and on many days the distance between my head and heart seems a lot longer than eighteen inches.
But there has also been a deeper challenge—my vision. Now, when I say “my vision,” I’m not referring to my physical sight. I’m also not using the word “vision” in reference to God’s vision for our lives. This kind of vision seeks to discern who God is calling us to be and what he is calling us to do. I’m also not talking about God’s vision for the future of his people. For example, God gave a corporate vision to Moses when he said, “So I have come down to rescue them [my people] from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey” (Exodus 3:8).
The kind of vision I’m talking about is the kind that is very often completely overlooked. This kind is our vision of God. As Evelyn Underhill said, “The most important thing for you is your vision, your sense of that God whom your work must glorify. The richer, deeper, wider, truer your vision of the Divine Reality, the more real, rich and fruitful your work is going to be.”1
Everyone has a vision of God and how we see God shapes us. It impacts our thinking and our actions. Though it may be subtle at times, our vision of God profoundly influences how we live and lead. In fact, as A. W. Tozer writes in The Knowledge of the Holy, “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”2
During my first residential session in the Arrow Leadership Program, I was asked to make a drawing of how I saw God. Initially, I grimaced at the thought of having to draw anything. I’ve never been much of an artist. So I chaffed at the impossibility of the assignment. But as I reflected on the primary images and icons that came into mind—and didn’t filter them— I discovered three key images.
My first image was a king’s crown. This represented God as King, and this is the most biblical of my three images. After all, God is King. He is “King of kings and Lord of lords” (Revelation 19:16). God created, governs and sustains all creation from his heavenly throne. On the surface, there is nothing wrong with this image. Where I got off track was seeing God almost exclusively as King and me almost exclusively as his servant. I hadn’t embraced (or even considered) that God is also “Abba” Father and that I am his dearly loved child. My view of God translated into me serving the King without having an intimate relationship with him.
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