the gossip, but even though I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it to him.
I was aware that he was playing his own game.
At first I didn’t understand but later I was sure.
He used to get carried away for a moment while looking into my eyes, and then acquire the airs of a man who was chatting with his best friend.
I was aware but not sure yet.
That is why I wanted to tell him.
One day, as we were talking about this and that, I suddenly wanted to ask at the most unexpected moment: “Do you know that everyone is talking about us? Haven’t you realized that?” Or, I wanted to say: “It would be better if you did not come here alone from now on. People are attributing different meanings to your visits.”
But just as I was about to tell him, I changed my mind.
Perhaps I was scared that if I did, I would spoil the game.
I disappeared for a few days. I visited my mother, went shopping, and met with Ayla. I also sat in my room and did something I had long neglected: I wrote postcards and letters to my friends in America.
Actually, I didn’t care much about putting an end to the gossip. All I wanted was to provoke him.
But when we met again like foolish high school kids, we continued from where we had stopped, as if it was normal that I had disappeared from sight for so many days.
One afternoon we were sitting face to face and sipping our tea as usual. All of a sudden, he said, “I’m going into politics.”
“I know,” I responded.
He waited for me to continue, but I didn’t.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“Are you asking for my opinion? If so, I don’t think politics suit you.”
He seemed taken aback. He must have thought I wouldn’t be that direct.
“So you think politics is not my thing. But there’s so much to be done. If we don’t do it, who will?”
He probably thought I would support his view enthusiastically.
“Besides,” he added, “aren’t you the one who is always criticizing what’s going on. How can someone change his country just by sitting and complaining?”
He looked annoyed. He stood up, poured a glass of water and sat down again. He was lost in thought. “We all have our own destiny as well as our duty,” he said.
“I wish you luck,” I said.
While everyone congratulated and encouraged him, my opposition was a little out of place. Later that evening, I asked myself why I always said whatever came to my mind.
Maybe I was afraid that if he entered politics, I would be able to see him less often.
Naturally, he didn’t listen to me.
An outsider to the world of politics, he was appointed to a top position on the Prime Minister’s order. Everyone talked about it.
Already, some supported him and others criticized him behind his back.
In a way he resembled me: someone who talked and acted on impulse, who wanted things to happen immediately, who didn’t listen to others when he decided to do something, and who could offend even those closest to him . . .
Such people make enemies quickly. People who are not used to taking orders, people who do not swallow their words, and the ones who do not like being an ordinary man in the street will always have to cope with hostility.
For me, politics was not for people who wanted to do something for the benefit of the country but for those who were interested in their own benefits, who played games, and who were ready to risk all to achieve their personal agendas. I have never believed that politicians can do anything good.
Besides, just a little farther from here, people had already begun to discuss different things in their homes. The brilliant days of the government were slowly fading. The dreams everyone had about a new time, a growing country, and a happy future were wearing out. Now, in a state of fatigue, people no longer appreciated the new people who came to power, realizing that nothing had changed the way they had expected.
By degrees, he became one of the people at the top and watched the view self-confidently from high above, enjoying what he saw.
He no longer took pains to discover what was going on below his level.
But when I went a few streets away from our hotel to visit my mother, talk with my brother, or read the papers, I could see that things were not going well.
Later, when we were able to talk about these things, he told me, “You’re still so young. You think the world is a nice place. It has always been so. Whoever climbs to the top thinks the view is wonderful, feels pleased and content, and forgets that it’s all transitory. Things have always been this way, but we still want to climb to the top.”
Do we really want that?
I didn’t. I never have.
I’ve never understood why the ones at top fail to see the view as it is.
Lost in thought, he looked at me and said, “Who knows, maybe there, from the summit, everything is so far away in the distance. Maybe that’s why it looks beautiful.”
His confidence in his knowledge and insight, the well-conceived answers he gave in an easy-going manner, which I had pondered deeply, and his calm expression free of doubt always convinced me I was wrong.
At least at that moment.
I had to understand. He was like that. He was one of those people whom others watched in curiosity, who had to climb up his path with consistent effort, who constantly gave orders to others, who told about life, and who tried to build a life with his own hands.
According to him, there was so much to be done and the only reason things were not accomplished correctly was that cowards and lazy people held power. I guess, in those days, he truly believed he could change things and accomplish the ideas he had always had in mind but which, for some reason or another, he had not been able to implement until that day.
Leaders are such people. But I sometimes wonder whether leaders really believe they can change things and make life better or if they try to prove to themselves their self-confidence. I’m not really sure.
As the election results were celebrated with balls, we packed our suitcases, getting ready to set off for our new destination.
Thankfully, the election brought to an end our afternoon meetings, as well as the gossip.
Anyway, everyone was busy discussing the new government and the debates surrounding it.
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