stage with lasers and colourful lights. After some of our guys finished setting up our tent, we went inside to put on some gear for the party: white gloves, visors, glow sticks, plastic bead bracelets, and necklaces. Before we headed outside to join the growing crowd, each person got to choose a favourite kind of candy from the goody bag. The one that always gave me the right boost of energy to dance the whole night was a custom-made capsule containing the perfect proportion of MDMA (ecstasy) and speed.
As soon as the drugs kicked in, my body movements seemed to flow to the music. Like a robot with new batteries, I danced six hours straight non-stop that evening. When the sun came out I realized just how much I’d exerted myself. All my joints were swollen up and in pain. Resting in the tent after taking some Advil, I talked to Andrew about our lives and my dreams. We carried on discussing the same topic for a couple of hours.
While we were on the school bus heading back to the mall parkade, Andrew said, “Since you want to have a music career, why don’t I hook you up with my vocal trainer? She is quite well-known in the local music scene, and she’s a good friend of my dad. They both used to be singers in Asia. She doesn’t accept just anyone as a student. But since she knows my dad, I’m sure she’ll help you out.”
“Really? That would be awesome! I would love to meet her. Thanks so much, man!”
Within a week, Andrew had arranged for me to meet Miss Mary. After the initial audition at her home studio, she frowned and said, “To be honest with you, there’s tons of work we need to do before you can go on the stage to perform professionally. You have a long way to go. But don’t be discouraged; if you are determined and not afraid of hard work, I can train you to be at that level. Unlike traditional music schools in North America, you don’t need all these musical qualifications to enter my program, just a passionate heart and a commitment to follow my instructions. I act as a private coach. My vocal master in Hong Kong trained me since I was a little girl. Many famous singers from the ’80s and ’90s are my personal friends. In our tradition, we’re not allowed to pass our knowledge and skills to anyone until we receive the approval from our master-teacher. When I decided to move to Canada, she then finally approved me to be a teacher for others. The same condition would apply to you when you become my student.”
I nodded as I hung on every word that came out from her mouth, not wanting to miss anything. She then pointed to a wall full of photos and posters. “Many of my students have won singing contests, some of which were hosted by Sony Music Taiwan and other big name companies from overseas. Two of my students were signed by record labels in Taiwan. You can see their pictures and signed posters in this collage.”
Looking at the people inside the photos with trophies in their hands, smiling so happily, I instantly wanted to be one of them. The beautifully made posters of the two famous recording artists mesmerized me. Miss Mary continued, “Once you have the agreement from your parents about the tuition, we can get started. I’ll base my fee on a thorough evaluation to tailor a program just for you. Towards the end, I’ll use my connections in the music business back in Asia to set up meetings with agents and record label representatives. Though there’s no guarantee, I’ll help you to get into the business as best that I can. In between, you’ll have to go to a lot of competitions to gain live performance experience. It’s not going to be an easy road; hard work is required. Now you go think about it, and then let me know your decision.”
After talking to Miss Mary, I felt like there was a beacon of light shining down upon my path. I finally got a sense of direction after wandering for so many years. She showed me an avenue to the music industry that I so desperately wanted to be part of. I was stoked. That was it. I was going to go for it. I made a decision to pursue a music career full time with the help of Miss Mary after graduating high school. Without a whole lot of musical background besides the violin lessons that I took in primary school, I was definitely going to be swimming upstream. Since I wasn’t going into any recognized music college, most people thought the whole thing was a joke.
However, my parents responded differently. They were ecstatic that I was distancing myself from the rough crowd I’d been hanging around with at the end of high school and was setting my sights on a concrete goal. While many parents would consider shooting for a career in the music industry a longshot—like trying to make the NHL or something—from my parents’ perspective, it was way healthier than hanging out with guys who spent their time organizing parties and getting high, so they were very supportive. They decided that they would provide for me financially for the full duration of the 18-month program that Miss Mary had tailored. The program included vocal training; body gesture and modelling training; physical training; dancing and on-stage training; and audition training.
In order to focus on my work, I would have to completely withdraw from the party scene, which, at the time, represented a sacrifice because I knew that this would alienate me from my closest friends. But I had to do it—this was my one chance, and there may never be another window of opportunity. Furthermore, I needed to sober up and embrace a fairly disciplined lifestyle because I would have to get up early and work all day in the years to come. I needed to look good too, so this meant exercising regularly as part of a physical training program. There was no room for goofing off anymore.
At first it seemed to be a huge personal sacrifice to miss all the fun. For a while, my friends would continue to call and ask me to join them, but after I had said “No thanks” a few too many times, the calls petered out, and the phone was pretty much silent. Compared to my former life, I felt like I had entered a monastery or something—to bed early, up early, working all day, structure, discipline, and practice—and all this while daydreaming about getting high, especially on the weekends, when I knew all my buddies were out clubbing. I would stare at the microphone on its stand, the symbol of all that I wanted to be and become, and with that meditation I would find strength to resist the party scene. Gradually I overcame it completely and defeated the feelings of loneliness by fixating on the promise of a brighter day ahead.
Even though I wasn’t endowed with the kind of undiscovered angelic voice you might see on a viral YouTube video, I strived to learn how to become a professional performer and to create a unique style that would capture the interest of my audience. During that time, not only was I working on music, but I was also working very hard on physical fitness because it is part of the work of a live stage performer. I woke up bright and early in the morning to run laps and went swimming in the afternoon. I took dance classes, went to stage performance boot camp, and three times a week worked out in the gym. I had vocal lessons once a week with Miss Mary and practised vocals all week at home. I worked fairly unrelentingly, and there were many days when I just wanted to sleep in ’cause it was pouring rain outside. But every time a voice from within would pull me out of bed and remind me that I had a goal and I wanted to achieve it. My imagination was not going to make my career. I had to do it.
Everyone around me knew about my plans too—because it was nearly all I talked about—and I wanted to show them that I wasn’t all talk. I wanted them to see my drive in the efforts that I was making. In the back of my head, I would hear all of those questions of self-doubt: Who do you think you are, some kind of prodigy? Do you really think you’re going to be able to do this? What if you’re a total failure? You will have wasted all this time and energy, and you’ll look like some kind of idiot wannabe to all your friends.
I struggled a lot. While many of my schoolmates were either studying at college or finding a job that could provide a substantial living, I was chasing after my dream without an income. But I would tell myself that if I didn’t try, I wouldn’t succeed, and somehow I just kept chipping away at it. Training myself day after day, fixing my eyes on the goal, hoping that one day it’d all pay off.
Eventually, Miss Mary thought I should give a crack at a public performance. It was a talent show hosted by the Yaohan Centre in Richmond, BC, and the radio station AM1470. All the local Chinese media were advertising this event, so my master-teacher Mary wanted to put my newly acquired skills to the test. I was
