clergy hide behind sanctimonious prayer rather than engage people in honest struggle over painful issues. We have seen glib, self-serving prayers forced upon unconsenting bed-bound victims. Thus I was hesitant to institutionalize prayer into my hospital visits when I began my ministry. For some people an offer to pray was a suggestion that they were dying. Others found it unnatural or intrusive. But I also had to admit that much of my hesitancy was grounded in my own discomfort and uncertainty in offering prayers. My style is informal and the transition into prayer often felt clumsy. As a result I limited my prayers too severely.
In time, people I have visited taught me how to pray and showed me the power of it. The consensus of virtually all clergy surveyed for this study is that the patient should be asked if she wishes a prayer.
The important step is to ask. The patient's condition, situation, and room environment all contribute to whether or not the patient may desire a prayer. But ask, and offer. Clergy roles are confused. Sometimes we feel out of place in a hospital, not knowing what to do when everyone else has a task to perform. Many of us have rebelled against a tradition of piety. Prayer is what we can and should share.
A simple scripture passage often has deep meaning for the hospital patient, and the clergy person should be prepared to offer this as well. This is not a time to preach or evangelize. This is a time for practicing the presence of the Holy Spirit, opening with gentleness this time and place for grace.
Guidelines for hospital prayers and suggested scripture references appear in later chapters. Here it is important to simply remember to offer prayer and scripture to the patient. Pray out of what you have heard in your visit. Offer the hopes and fears through the strength of faith and tradition.
There is one final point to remember about the visit. You have gathered data, listened to the concerns of the patient, found concrete things to do, and offered prayer and scripture. One thing more to remember is to touch the patient. The hospital patient is poked, jabbed, injected, cut open, sewn up, jostled, and inspected. He may feel totally manhandled. But your gentle touch on the hand or cheek can be grace.
Etiquette and Protocol
1. When others are in the room. A room full of visitors presents a dilemma when you pay your call. One minister simply says hello and leaves when other visitors are present. His feeling is that the patient with the full room has all the support she needs, and the pastor could better spend time with patients who have no visitors. Other clergy make a point of announcing that they will be visiting other patients, planning to return at a given time. This gives sensitive visitors a suggestion of when they might leave and give pastor and patient some time together. There are others who just join the crowd, dealing with everyone present, and some ask the visitors to leave so the pastor may have some privacy with the patient.
What should you do? Consider the specific situation and your personal style. In order to make your decision, gather specific data. Who are the people in the room? How is the patient feeling, and does he specifically need time with you alone? What are the needs of visiting family members? How will you connect with them?
In a non-critical situation with an easy flow of visitors, the pastor need not add to the crowd. But in difficult times, the patient needs some privacy with the pastor. If it does not come soon, ask for it. I have been in situations where the patient has directly asked her other visitors to leave so we could have some private time. If the patient cannot do this herself and seems to need this, you may be the person to interpret to others the patient's need to have a crowded room cleared out.
Sometimes a family member keeping close contact with the patient needs special attention. To a friend or family member who has been keeping a long vigil, suggest a cup of coffee or a walk together. Or offer your time to visit with the patient as an opportunity for the family member to take a break.
Your knowledge of the hospital can help a family member find the cafeteria or coffee shop. Often a family member is afraid to venture off the patient's floor simply because he does not know how to find these other facilities. Some of the best pastoral care can be done by sharing a meal with the worried companion of the patient.
The issue of the crowded room raises the question of when the pastor makes a crowd. Just as there are times you need privacy with the patient, so there are also times a patient wishes privacy with friends and family. Clergy also need to know when to leave, gracefully.
2. Visiting a stranger. There are occasions when you are asked to see someone with whom you have had no previous contact. By this I mean someone not a member of your church. A church member may ask you to visit a friend, or a hospital staff person may say that someone in the next room needs to see a minister.
Again, gather data, first from the referral source. A nurse or staff person may be facing a situation he cannot handle alone. The staff person may be the one needing the visit, so pay attention to what is being said here, and offer to support the staff person in her role. A church member may have the same need in calling you to see his friend. Your church member may need support in a frightening time.
If you visit the patient, determine how much this patient actually wants to see you. Make sure you are not overstepping someone else's pastoral territory. Consider your own time priorities and determine just what kind of commitment you can make to this person. It may be that a brief visit and prayer are all that is needed. If the patient needs more time than you can give, contact those key hospital personnel you met in your orientation tour.
When a church member asks you to visit a friend, be aware of a phenomenon in certain parts of this country where a member of a church sends her pastor to visit a friend who is a member of another church. I had never experienced this in my own background, and I never quite understood why people asked me to do this until another pastor explained this tradition. It is a kind gesture, sort of like sending flowers, and when the patient, the friend of a friend, has no support system, it can be very meaningful. But it becomes ludicrous when three or four friends send their pastors to a common friend who already has his own pastor.
If you have time to call in behalf of your own parishioner, find out if you are really needed, pay your respects and inform your parishioner that you have made your visit. It is simply good time management and good pastoral care not to duplicate efforts unnecessarily.
The final element to consider in looking at all aspects of the hospital visit is the work situation of the doctors and nurses who treat the patient. They are very aware of your role. They appreciate the clergy visit most when the guidelines suggested here are followed. Hospital staff are virtually unanimous in this recommendation that clergy visits not be overlong, that there be some kind of physical touch in a gentle way with the patient, and that a supportive prayer be offered. You should be aware of their work situation.
Any time a person is hospitalized, the patterns of institutionalization develop. Since the patient has little control over his or her environment everyday elements of life take on monumental importance. Times of meals, medication, and therapy are the major organizers of a patient's day. Patients hang onto any word or gesture which suggests information they seek about their own condition or recovery. When a meal is unpleasant, medication late, or an offhand comment is exaggerated, a patient may become depressed, angered, or confused. It is easy for the hospital visitor to be drawn into the patient's institutionalization syndrome if you are not aware of its characteristics and do not understand the structure and routine of a hospital and its staff.
Be aware of the necessary routines of nursing. A floor nurse cannot be the private nurse to any given patient. Even medication which is prescribed PRN (or, as the situation requires) has to be grouped for efficiency.
Sometimes a patient will ask you to call a nurse or
