during the processions or the service.”
6) Costs. Normally the church will have a set fee for the organist and sexton or custodian. There may be one inclusive fee to cover the expenses to the church of providing these services, as well as heat and light and maintenance. An honorarium for the priest is appropriate and generally is not included in the set fees.
7) Other Requirements. Don't forget that you need a marriage license. Get it well in advance (but not so long before that it expires!) and bring it to the church ahead of time. The priest will also tell you, if there has been a divorce, what you need to do to meet the church's requirements in this regard.
A. The Service
The first and most important choice you will make is whether or not to include the eucharist (Mass or Holy Communion) in your marriage service. There are two important reasons for choosing to include the eucharist. The first is that God's greatest gift of love is the life of Jesus Christ which we receive at the altar in the bread and wine. God's gift of love strengthens you for the new life you are beginning. Secondly, the eucharist is the family meal of God's family. There is no better way to begin your life as a family, which will be centered around your family table, than to come to God's table to share in the Christian family meal.
Sometimes people will be concerned that non-Christian guests or members of other Christian churches will feel “left out” if they cannot come to the altar. But your friends will want you to receive all the gifts your church has to give and, even if they are not free to receive communion, they will be glad that you have not changed the service on their account. Others are sometimes concerned about making. the service “too long.” The difference in time will probably be less than half an hour and that seems a small investment of time to make when you think of the many years that lie ahead. Nevertheless, there are many factors that bear on this choice and you must make the choices that best fit your circumstances. If you decide not to have the eucharist as part of your service, perhaps you can have a service for yourselves and some of your friends and family earlier in the day. You can at least plan to receive communion together soon after the wedding and regularly thereafter.
B. Music
Nothing does more to set the feeling of joy at a wedding than the music. You will probably be asked to meet with the organist to discuss the music you would like to have. Before that meeting, you might want to think about the following possibilities:
1) Prelude. Usually the organist will begin to play fifteen minutes or more before the wedding. It is not necessary to choose this music (and perhaps only your guests will hear it!), but if you like good music, you may want to make suggestions of music for this time. Good choices will help set the tone for the day.
2) Entrance (and exit) music. The first and last note for your wedding is set by the processional music. It should be strong and joyful. The organist will generally offer several suggestions to you, including both very familiar pieces and lesser known ones. She or he can also tell you about the context and history of each piece to help you make your choice. That choice, With the others you will be making, enhances your statement to the congregation about what your marriage service means to you. And afterwards you will always be able to hear that music and be reminded not just of a wedding but of your wedding.
3) Hymns. There are several places in the service where hymns can be used. They need not be “wedding hymns” (these are usually too unfamiliar to work well anyway). The best choices are familiar hymns that express God's love for us and the joy With which we praise God. A list of suggested hymns follows.
4) Vocal or instrumental music. You may have friends who are talented musicians who would be willing to sing or play at your wedding. The church organist can also arrange for special music. Such music before or during the service can add a special note, but it should not be overdone. Soloists, whether they are very good or not, can draw attention away from the two being married and “dominate” the service. All such music needs to be arranged both with the priest conducting the service and With the organist.
Suggested Hymns for Use at a Wedding
| Number | First Line |
| 302 | Father, we thank thee† |
†These hymns are especially appropriate if there is a eucharist.
| 336 | Come with us, O blessed Jesus† |
| 377 | All people that on earth do dwell |
| 380 | From all that dwell below the skies |
| 390 | Praise to the Lord, the Almighty |
| 397 | Now thank we all our God |
| 401 | The God of Abraham praise |
| 410 | Praise, my soul, the King of heaven |
| 460 | Alleluia! sing to Jesus! |
| 487 | Come, my Way, my Truth, my Life |
| 488 | Be thou my vision |
| 516 | Come down, O Love divine |
| 517 | How lovely is thy dwelling place |
| 522 | Glorious things of thee are spoken |
| 645 | The King of love my shepherd is (*) |
| 657 | Love divine, all loves excelling |
| 663 | The Lord my God my shepherd is (*) |
| 671 | Amazing grace! how sweet the sound |
| 686 | Come, thou fount of every blessing |
| 697 | My God, accept my heart this day |
| 707 | Take my life, and let it be |
(*) These hymns are both paraphrases of Psalm 23, and could be used instead of reading a psalm.
C. The Entrance
Many weddings begin with the groom and best man standing at the front of the church while the bridal procession comes down the aisle, the bride coming last on her father's arm. This custom is based on very old ideas about the bride as property, brought in by one man and led out by another. You may want to use the “traditional” entrance procession, or you might like to consider alternatives which express your relationships more accurately.
1) The groom and best man come to the front of the church and wait for the bridal procession. The ushers, then the bridesmaids, then the bride come down the aisle. The bride is accompanied by her father or some other family member or friend. Flower girls and ring bearers may be included in the procession.
2) The bride and groom both come down the aisle in a procession which may be led by the priest and acolyte(s). Such a procession might begin with an acolyte or assistant carrying the cross, followed by the priest (and other clergy). Ushers follow them, and then the groom, accompanied by his parents and/or by the best man. Then the bridesmaids come, followed by the bride, accompanied by her parents and/or the maid of honor.
The second pattern is intended to express better the equality of the bride and groom and the support of their families.
3) There will be also very small or informal weddings at which the bride and groom will come down the aisle together, led by their witnesses and, perhaps, by acolytes and clergy.
D. The Presentation (optional)
1)
