soon as possible lest they grow up into bad characteristics which dominate the personality and handicap the person's social, mental and spiritual progress. Finally, the type and amount of discipline should be appropriate for each person's unique personality.
To establish these basic principles of discipline in the home requires us to be disciplined ourselves. Firstly, if we understand that discipline is not just to maintain order but to build character, then we will sometimes have to discipline our children even if what they are doing is not particularly disruptive or naughty. It is also difficult to root out the fault at its first appearance since faults often first show themselves in ways that seem rather harmless or ‘cute’. But failure to recognize the fault and do something about it doesn't solve the problem: it only delays it, giving the weed time to grow into a plant which is too deeply rooted to be pulled out at all. Furthermore, when we fail to treat our children's faults in the first instance with measured and mild discipline, we are more likely to be reduced at some later stage to the frustration, violence and anger which we will regret, and which will only serve to compound the child's fault with resentment and rebellion.
January 14
May 15
September 14
CHAPTER II
WHAT KIND OF MAN THE
ABBOT SHOULD BE (E)
The Abbot should always bear in mind what he is; he should bear in mind what he is called; and let him realise that more is demanded of him to whom more is entrusted. He must realise also how difficult and arduous is the task he has undertaken, that of ruling souls and serving men of many different characters; one, indeed, to be encouraged, another to be rebuked, another persuaded, each according to his nature and intelligence. Thus he must adapt and fit himself to all, so that not only will he not lose any of the flock entrusted to him, but he will rejoice as his good flock increases.
The abbot and the father must always remember who they are and what they are called. They are called ‘father’ because God has shared with them the power of creation and entrusted them with the care of eternal human souls. This is a high calling, and one which should never be underestimated. One of the problems with modern life is that people have lost a sense of vocation. So many men support their families with anonymous jobs in huge government departments or large corporations. There is constant pressure to produce small results which are subsumed into the larger product. There is little satisfaction; the only reward is financial, and because the job seems meaningless too many men seek meaning by racing after the promise of promotion or higher pay. But this is an empty pursuit.
Instead the vocation of fatherhood is the one area where modern men can reclaim a sense of meaning in life. This means making our job as father the highest priority in life after our dedication to God himself. If we heed Benedict's advice always to remember that we are fathers and to remember the calling God has given, then a sense of vocation and meaning will come flooding back into our lives.
This will also help our marriages. Women often complain of the drudgery of housekeeping and the loneliness of looking after the children all the time. But this complaint is not so much that the women must stay at home and look after the children, but that they feel they are doing so with no help, no encouragement and little interest from their husband. So, quite fairly, women look for an escape from the monotony and loneliness of being ‘just a housewife’.
But if their husband's priorities shifted and they both placed their marriage and their parenting as the highest priority, many of the problems would be solved. You could sum it up by saying that a woman's place is in the home, only if the man's place is there too.
And if the abba's first priority is his home and family, then Benedict also tells us more about how to handle the children in his care. The abba must become ‘all things to all men’ (1 Cor. 9.22), adapting himself and his style of training to each of his different children. This job is not easy. It requires confidence, and enough strength of character to be constantly growing and learning. Entering fully into the demands of fatherhood is precisely how that growth and learning can take place.
January 15
May 16
September 15
CHAPTER II
WHAT KIND OF MAN THE
ABBOT SHOULD BE (F)
It is most important that he should not pay greater attention to transient earthly things that pass away, and so fail to recognise or underestimate the salvation of the souls entrusted to him. Let him always consider that it is souls that he has undertaken to rule, and for whom he will give an account. Moreover, in order that he may not complain of reduced temporal goods, let him remember the Scripture, ‘Seek God's Kingdom first, and his righteousness, and all these other things will be given you as well,’ and again, ‘Nothing is lacking to those who fear him.’ Let him realise that he who undertakes to rule souls must prepare himself to give an account. Whatever the number of brethren under his care, he must understand clearly that he will have to render an account on the Day of Judgement for all these souls, in addition, of course, to his own. Thus as he bears ever in mind the enquiry that will be made on the shepherd's care of the sheep entrusted to him, the thought that he takes concerning the accounts to be rendered for others will make him careful of his own state. And so, while he provides by his instructions for the amendment of others, he will be brought also to the amendment of his own faults.
If we really make the health of our marriage and family our first priority we will soon be faced with some difficult decisions. The race for more money or greater business success will invariably take us away from home more. A promotion may mean moving house at a time when the children are settling well into their school and community. So putting the family first may require the sacrifice of our career, or a real reduction or limitation to our income.
Benedict again exhorts us to get our priorities right, no matter what the cost. We are not to pay more attention to ‘transient earthly things that pass away [2 Cor. 4.18] and so fail to recognize or underestimate the salvation of the souls entrusted to [us]’. This is a great demand. Would we really be willing to refuse a promotion, accept a reduction in pay or even face redundancy in order to put our family first? These are real possibilities which we face in an increasingly competitive workplace.
Benedict's world was also financially insecure. So while he echoes the Lord's question, ‘What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul?’ he also reassures us that the one who puts God's Kingdom first will have everything else added to him (Matt. 6.33). The promise is true that nothing is lacking for those who fear him (Ps. 33[34].10). One of the things to remember when weighing up priorities and commitments is that the sooner we decide that we have ‘enough’, the sooner we will be freed to do what we really want and ought to do.
It is possible to live a simpler life. It is possible to live as we ought to live and rely on God to provide our needs, and nothing will impress the faith on children more than seeing their own parents living sacrificially and trying to put their faith into action.
This is why Benedict reminds us that we will one day face a judgement where our actions and decisions will be weighed (Heb. 13.17). Because of this we are called again to make our families the very highest priority. We should do so because in helping to amend the lives of those in our care, we see our own faults more clearly, and so prepare ourselves for that
