to have another source of Eliza-sitting at his disposal and Billy was quietly pleased to be associated with this guru of the dramatic arts. A certain stitched-up atmosphere prevailed at Billy’s home, and the unconventional MacLeans made him feel unrestricted and more aware of his own dreams and potential. His aura at home would have been a tealight, at the MacLeans, a candelabra.
* * *
The friendship which had developed between Eliza and Billy ended when she and Richard moved to Australia for a year in 1994. He was appearing in a TV series as a handsome but sinister doctor, providing himself with extra income and intellectual stimulation by teaching Voice to the next generation of teenage soapie stars. Eliza was just ten, attending a private girls’ school in one of Sydney’s leafy suburbs, and finding no shortage of invitations to attend parties and sleepovers. This puzzled her since, although friendly and entertaining when in the mood, she was quite at home in her own company and did not seek out friends. She investigated this unusual phenomenon.
“Angie, why did you invite me to your sleepover? I’m pretty sure you don’t like me that much.” Later on Eliza would fine-tune her social skills but for now she was just being honest.
“No, you’re right. I don’t like you at all, actually.” Now here was a girl who didn’t have any trouble with expressing the truth as she saw it.
“So … ?”
“My mother has a king-size crush on your father.”
“What! Did she pay you a fee? Why can’t she just dance naked on our front lawn or something? He’d probably take her in, he’s not that fussy.” Eliza was mortified and it manifested itself in sarcasm.
Angie gasped in outrage. Slaps and punches ensued. There was flying fur, hissing and growling, hair pulled, shins kicked, foul language, all to the excited cheering of onlookers. Eliza, who would probably never have given up even if she was bleeding from the ears, was later deemed by a panel of gladiatorial spectators to have won because Angie started crying. Cue arrival of outraged duty mistress. Attendance at principal’s office, detention in separate rooms. Note to parents.
Just to ensure her research was accurate, Eliza asked one of the other girls but modified her approach, taking the above experience into account. “Kyra, did you invite me to your birthday party because someone in your family has a crush on my father?”
“Yeah, sorry. Don’t hit me!”
“That’s okay. Happens all the time.” Eliza patted the girl on the shoulder. Kyra and Eliza became friends after that, although they both agreed they would keep it secret from Kyra’s oldest sister.
It occurred to Eliza that she had very few friends who apparently liked her for herself. It was all a bit depressing, because although she didn’t crave approval, she had grown up expecting it. Really, Richard could have put her on her guard about this, as he had been the object of female adoration for over twenty years. From Richard’s point of view, Eliza’s absence at a sleepover merely represented an opportunity for him to pursue his amours.
The Note came home. “What the bloody hell is this?” was Richard’s initial response, since his daughter’s school reports had never before been sullied by anything as crass as a cat-fight.
“Girls have been inviting me for sleepovers because their mothers have a crush on you,” said Eliza, who felt it was time he took some responsibility. “And sisters,” she added, pedantically. “I got angry.” She told him what Angie said, and what she said, and what happened. “Dad, I want to be normal,” she added, with emphasis.
Richard’s Anger immediately looked abashed and tried to hide under a chair, as he began to remember his sister having similar complaints when they were at school. Even then, Richard’s saturnine good looks and air of smouldering sexuality caused schoolgirl hearts to beat faster. Their schools were segregated, of course, but there were brothers and sisters attending each school, and it didn’t take much: family attendance at school recitals, or a school play in which Richard would, of course, be appearing. Danielle, only fifteen months younger and in the year below him, was inundated with invitations and overtures of best-friendship as a ploy to get to know him.
Danielle loved her brother, but once he started to make a name for himself, she never admitted to their relationship and would deny it most elegantly if questioned. “I wish!” she would say, as convincingly as one would expect of a MacLean. “But no, he’s no relation. I expect there’re lots of MacLeans in the phone book!” Fortunately for Danielle, she took after her mother in appearance, however Eliza’s resemblance to her father was so striking that denial was futile.
“Sorry, poppet,” Richard apologised belatedly. “I had no idea females could be so manipulative.” He smiled at her a little ruefully. “What should we do if we find school mums dancing naked on the lawn?”
“Hose ’em down?” suggested Eliza, much entertained by the possibility.
Eliza felt that females were often unreliable and usually hard to fathom, except for Mehitabel. At present she didn’t even have Mehitabel, who had been sent off, under protest, to live with Auntie Danni in the Cotswolds.
Chapter 2 ~ Distance Develops
Billy adopts an Unpleasant persona. Eliza encounters Puberty and is very cross; Richard, being impatient of such foul humour, instructs Eliza to take herself in hand.
In due course, and as planned, Richard’s dastardly character was killed off after a car chase ending in an unfortunate encounter with a B-Double, and with some relief he returned to London and the stage. He never could stand all that waiting around and spitting short bursts of lines out of context, sometimes without the person to whom he was talking having to be there. Eliza was present for this final makeup session and jumped up and down in fiendish glee at the sight of her father bleeding from the mouth and ears. Her cup was full to overflowing when the makeup artist kindly decorated her with a cut throat, which she wore home with pride.
Eliza returned from Australia after a year’s absence, with the stoic acceptance of a child who gets carted around on the whim of her adored father. In fact, she had enjoyed living in another country without the inconvenience of a different language. She got to see how a televised drama series was produced, to go on location when she was allowed, and it merely reinforced her opinion that this was not the career for her, although she remained devoted to the makeup and wardrobe departments.
Richard was no longer teaching drama to eager juveniles, having accepted a position at the tertiary level, and Eliza returned to her old prep school, according to his wishes. She tried again to talk him into sending her to a school for “normal” people, but he just stared at her uncomprehendingly and grunted dismissal. Obviously some kind of payback was imperative, and for the next couple of days she adopted a broad Australian accent and some peculiar expressions learned from a friend’s father.
“Are you busy?” Richard asked her, seeking her assistance.
“Yeah sorry, mate,” she said. “Flat out like a lizard drinking.”
“You’re still not going to join the unwashed masses,” he told her promptly, without bothering to look up from his task.
* * *
Billy was by now sixteen, and still attending the local comprehensive. Eliza was just eleven. In the beginning, she went around to his place to see him, and his mother fed her muffins and hot chocolate, in the hopes of saving her from
