style="font-size:15px;"> “Still looking to blame everyone else for your mistakes.”
She looks disappointed and miserable. I shouldn’t have said that. I want her to confide in me. Maybe I can recoup.
“I’m sorry, Darcy. Maybe you’re right. Girls have always been jealous of you. So was that it?”
She looks down. “When I went to my History of Civ. class, which is huge, it was playing in a loop on the screen. Everyone was laughing. Even the professor saw it. I ran out, got my stuff and here I am.”
What should I say? I’m glad you were mortified? It’s not such a big deal? That’s what you get for not listening to me? None of the above.
“I’m really sorry that happened to you. If I could make it disappear, I would.”
Not bad. She softens. I hug her, and she smiles.
“I’m not going back to school, no matter what you say. It’s my life.”
“Fine. So where are you going to live your life?”
Not here. Anywhere but here. I’ve only had one day of peace without anyone. I want more! I deserve more! Am I being selfish?
“Can’t I stay here?”
I’m entitled to live alone. That doesn’t make me a bad mother. Or does it? I’m not sure I care. I really am a horrible person.
“Not a good idea.”
“Why? It’ll be different. I promise. And you could use some company now that Dad’s gone.”
So that’s it. Even though she said it didn’t bother her, she’s stressing about the breakup. I should talk to her about it.
“Is that the real reason you came home? The split?”
“It’s pretty upsetting.”
“I waited till you went to college. I thought it would be easier for you.”
“It’s still hard, Mom. You should help me get through it. I’m not strong enough to be on my own.”
That’s a button I didn’t need to have pushed. How do I handle this one without seeming like a coldhearted monster?
“Maybe you should move in with your dad? You guys get along pretty well.”
Richard lets her do whatever she wants. He gives her money, and she stays out of his face. That’s callous. Maybe I’m jealous because they seem to have a decent relationship.
“I already asked. He said no. Janice doesn’t want me in the way.”
Oh really? That’s a shock. Keeping the smugness from oozing out of me is a challenge. It’s not her fault. He’s the only father she has and she didn’t pick him.
“I have nowhere else to go, Mom. And I’m going to get a job. You’ll see.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“Model.”
“Not that again, please. When you finish college, you can try modeling. End of story.”
This is one battle that’s worth fighting. I don’t want her involved with Claudette and those people again. Darcy sits up, gets into her combat stance. It’s like old times.
“With all this stress, I could easily start using again.”
This round goes to Darcy. I don’t want to get sucked in, but I can’t turn her away. She’s my only child. And I’d be way too guilty if she did drugs again. Maybe it will be different with Richard gone. Maybe we can forge a better relationship.
“I guess we can give it a try. But you have to promise. No drugs.”
“Don’t worry, Mom. It’ll be cool.”
She kisses me on the cheek, and for the moment, it all feels okay. We walk into the living room. Darcy almost trips on my kayak.
“What’s that for?”
“I’m learning to kayak.”
“Wow. That’s something new.”
Should I tell her about the rest? I should, but maybe she’ll freak out and . . . I have to stop treating her like any stress will push her back to drugs.
“I quit my job.”
I watch her closely. She seems surprised but not upset.
“No way. You without a job?”
Here goes. This is the first time I’m uttering this out loud.
“I’m thinking about starting my own business, opening an art gallery.”
“That is so cool, Mom.”
Really? Maybe it will actually fly. But what does she know? She’s a kid. And she’s trying to butter me up so I don’t kick her out. Why am I so insecure? Duh, maybe it has something to do with my mother?
We take Darcy’s stuff into her room.
“By the way, what was going on with you and Cole?”
“God, Mom. Nothing. We were swimming. That’s all. He’s cool.”
I don’t believe her, but I restrain from saying anything. This might not be as hard as I thought. Oh yes, it is.
“I hope you’re not mad. I invited Cole and his Dad for dinner.”
I try and act nonchalant, but I’m blushing. Damn it.
“That’s fine. I met him this morning, seems like a nice enough guy. And we should welcome the new neighbors.”
She’s on to me, gets it immediately.
“You like him. Good for you. It’s about time. Dad’s had so many chicks.”
She’s actually giving me permission to have a life after Richard. Why can’t I be as tolerant of her? Darcy opens a suitcase and hands me a package.
“Happy birthday, Mom. Sorry it’s late.”
Now I really feel awful. She was dealing with all that stuff at school and still remembered. I open it and find an oil painting, a beautiful image of the moonrise over the ocean. My eyes well up with tears. It’s something my father did. Darcy and I have both always loved it. I let her take it to school as a reminder of home, and she had it framed.
“Thank you. That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”
“I thought you’d like it.”
I squeeze her tightly and leave her to settle into her room.
What’s that
