What harm is there in a kiss?
·143· mrs. arbuthnot
[Turning round.] A kiss may ruin a human life, George Harford. I know that. I know that too well.
lord illingworth
We won’t discuss that at present. What is of importance to-day, as yesterday, is still our son. I am extremely fond of him, as you know, and odd though it may seem to you, I admired his conduct last night immensely. He took up the cudgels for that pretty prude with wonderful promptitude. He is just what I should have liked a son of mine to be. Except that no son of mine should ever take the side of the Puritans: that is always an error. Now, what I propose is this.
mrs. arbuthnot
Lord Illingworth, no proposition of yours interests me.
lord illingworth
According to our ridiculous English laws, I can’t legitimise Gerald. But I can leave him my property. Illingworth is entailed, of course, but it is a tedious barrack of a place. He can have Ashby, which is much prettier, Harborough which has the best shooting in the north of England, and the house in St. James Square. What more can a gentleman desire in this world?
·144· mrs. arbuthnot
Nothing more, I am quite sure.
lord illingworth
As for a title, a title is really rather a nuisance in these democratic days. As George Harford I had everything I wanted. Now I have merely everything that other people want, which isn’t nearly so pleasant. Well, my proposal is this.
mrs. arbuthnot
I told you I was not interested, and I beg you to go.
lord illingworth
The boy is to be with you for six months in the year, and with me for the other six. That is perfectly fair, is it not? You can have whatever allowance you like, and live where you choose. As for your past, no one knows anything about it except myself and Gerald. There is the Puritan, of course, the Puritan in white muslin, but she doesn’t count. She couldn’t tell the story without explaining that she objected to being kissed, could she? And all the women would think her a fool and the men think her a bore. And you need not be afraid that Gerald won’t be my heir. I needn’t tell you I have not the slightest intention of marrying.
·145· mrs. arbuthnot
You come too late. My son has no need of you. You are not necessary.
lord illingworth
What do you mean, Rachel?
mrs. arbuthnot
That you are not necessary to Gerald’s career. He does not require you.
lord illingworth
I do not understand you.
mrs. arbuthnot
Look into the garden. [Lord Illingworth rises and goes towards window.] You had better not let them see you: you bring unpleasant memories. [Lord Illingworth looks out and starts.] She loves him. They love each other. We are safe from you, and we are going away.
lord illingworth
Where?
mrs. arbuthnot
We will not tell you, and if you find us we will not know you. You seem surprised. What welcome would you get from the girl whose lips you ·146· tried to soil, from the boy whose life you have shamed, from the mother whose dishonour comes from you.
lord illingworth
You have grown hard, Rachel.
mrs. arbuthnot
I was too weak once. It is well for me that I have changed.
lord illingworth
I was very young at the time. We men know life too early.
mrs. arbuthnot
And we women know life too late. That is the difference between men and women. [A pause.]
lord illingworth
Rachel, I want my son. My money may be of no use to him now. I may be of no use to him, but I want my son. Bring us together, Rachel. You can do it if you choose. [Sees letter on table.]
mrs. arbuthnot
There is no room in my boy’s life for you. He is not interested in you.
lord illingworth
Then why does he write to me?
·147· mrs. arbuthnot
What do you mean?
lord illingworth
What letter is this? [Takes up letter.]
mrs. arbuthnot
That—is nothing. Give it to me.
lord illingworth
It is addressed to me.
mrs. arbuthnot
You are not to open it. I forbid you to open it.
lord illingworth
And in Gerald’s handwriting.
mrs. arbuthnot
It was not to have been sent. It is a letter he wrote to you this morning before he saw me. But he is sorry now he wrote it, very sorry. You are not to open it. Give it to me.
lord illingworth
It belongs to me. [Opens it, sits down and reads it slowly. Mrs. Arbuthnot watches him all the time.] You have read this letter, I suppose, Rachel?
·148· mrs. arbuthnot
No.
lord illingworth
You know what is in it?
mrs. arbuthnot
Yes!
lord illingworth
I don’t admit for a moment that the boy is right in what he says. I don’t admit that it is any duty of mine to marry you. I deny it entirely. But to get my son back I am ready—yes, I am ready to marry you, Rachel—and to treat you always with the deference and respect due to my wife. I will marry you as soon as you choose. I give you my word of honour.
mrs. arbuthnot
You made that
