you. If you want out, you can have out and I think everyone would understand.”
“I miss it, though,” Kate said. She hadn’t even fully realized it until it was out of her mouth.
“I figured you did. So what I can do—for the next few months, anyway—is set you on some low-risk cases. Just some things to keep your mind busy and your focus sharp. That is, if you feel that you’ve had enough time to rest and you’re ready to head back out.”
“I am,” she said. The idea of placing Michael into daycare hurt her heart, but she knew it would be good for him…as well as for her and Allen. Though, if she were being honest, she wasn’t sure she was quite ready for it yet. Before she could get dragged down by those thoughts, she carried on with the conversation. “How has DeMarco been doing? I’ve only spoken to her three times since I’ve been out and every time I asked her about work, she was quick to change the subject.”
“That might be because she’s been quite busy. I’m allowed to tell you because she’s technically still listed as your partner…but she has been involved in two high-profile cases. Three weeks ago, she arrested two men who had been getting heroin out on the streets. A week before that, she single-handedly brought in a guy who killed three people in West Virginia and was on the run, passing through Maryland.”
“Seems she has been busy.”
“And now that you mention DeMarco, she’s just been given a briefing on a case in North Carolina. Seems like a cut-and-dry stalker-type case. Two dead young women, college-aged. DeMarco is on a roll and I’m sure she’d love to have you back. If this one is as simple as it seems on paper, it could be a great fit for both of you, in your different situations.”
“And what is my situation?”
“You know what I meant, Kate. If you want to try to get back into the swing of things, this might be a good case to do it. It is, of course, one hundred percent up to you.”
“It sounds nice, but I don’t want to get in her way if she’s doing well for herself.”
“I’m sure she’d love to have you. And, again sticking with honesty, if we don’t know how much longer you’re going to work, I think it makes more sense to have you paired with someone you know well.”
“Makes sense.”
Duran considered things for a moment before getting to his feet. “She’s due to leave tomorrow morning. Does that give you and your husband enough time to sort things out? If you don’t mind my asking, has it even been a conversation?”
“It has,” she said. “Maybe an unspoken one, but it’s been on our minds. I think he knows I’m not done, but…”
“But what?”
“But that it’s close. That my time with the bureau is coming to an end.”
There was another question on Duran’s mind. She could see him debating whether or not to ask it. But she knew what it was and she was grateful he kept it quiet.
Is this your last case?
She was glad he left it unspoken because she had no idea how to answer it.
It was the sole topic of conversation at dinner. Allen took it well, mainly because he’d known it was coming. The moment Duran had called earlier in the day, he had known. The conversation had gone surprisingly well, though there was an underlying tension hovering over the dining room table.
“Here’s the thing,” Allen said, shoving his now-empty plate to the side. He’d made teriyaki chicken for dinner and it had been amazing. It was another of those small ways he treated her well. “There’s a very large part of me that is thrilled you’re going back. The last month or so, it’s been almost painful to watch you stalking around the place, looking like you lost your keys and had no idea where to look for them. I know you miss it and in terms of this case, I’m happy to agree to it. But it raises some questions.”
“A lot of questions,” Kate agreed. “Let’s tackle them.”
“Great. While I am pretty much retired at this point, I will still have to take calls and attend meetings here and there for the next year or so to wrap up those last-minute deals. So I’ll ask that your job not automatically overrule mine. That being said, we need to go ahead and pull the trigger on lining up daycare for Michael.”
“Agreed. Now, for this case, are you open for the next week or so?”
“I am. I have nothing on the calendar for another three weeks, actually.”
“And would you mind being a single father for several days if I take this case?”
“Sure thing. Boy time will be fun.”
“What other questions do you have?”
“I’m thinking of the safety factor. I know you can hold your own and it’s one of the reasons I love you. But I also don’t like the idea of my fifty-seven-year-old wife out there chasing after men half her age that have no problem killing her. It’s not like you’re one of these agents that sit behind a desk or parked in a car.”
“Duran and I talked about that. This case in particular should be a pretty simple one. He’s also aware of the age factor, though he was a bit more pleasant about how he worded it.”
“One more.” Allen leaned back in his chair and took a sip of his wine. He looked over to the bouncy seat Michael had been snoozing in while they ate and smiled. “How long are you going to keep at it? Honestly? How much longer can you push it? I can’t imagine putting your body through the stress of having a child has made it any easier.”
“It’s a difficult question to answer,” she said. “This whole situation…I could have never dreamed it up. A baby at fifty-seven. A supervisor and a partner who still want me active. It’s more than I can honestly wrap my head around and…I just don’t know. I don’t think I will until I get back out there.”
She watched how he thought about it, how the right corner of his mouth ticked down into an almost-frown the way it often did when he was deep in thought.
“Then I think you need to get back out there,” he said. “For now. Maybe we revisit this in three months and see what it looks like. Does that seem fair?”
“It seems more than fair.”
She wanted to tell him how lovely and accommodating he had been through this entire relationship. But he already knew it, because she said it all the time. She knew that it appeared that she chose work over him the majority of the time; if she was honest with herself, that was exactly what she had done. But now they had a baby and the future all but beckoned a marriage. This was her life now, her new life, and she finally had a chance to not let work control it all. She’d done that once before and it had nearly caused a rift between her and Melissa.
She knew right away that something had changed. In the past, she would have wasted no time—she’d leave the table right away and start packing for the trip down to North Carolina tomorrow. But now, following the meeting with Duran and the conversation with Allen, all she wanted to do was sit there with him. He was her future, not her work. Allen, Michael, and Melissa could be the center of her life and that would be just fine.
All she had to do was make sure her heart was centered. To make sure she was able to settle
