style="font-size:15px;"> “That he wants to be Miles Davis?”
Donny nodded.
“Well, I guess a jazz superstar crackhead is better than just a crackhead.”
“Oh, fuck you, Snow White.”
Dan grinned. “So, is he good?”
“What — on the horn? I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? Did you let him play a few licks?”
“Of course. I let him lean on my horn — after I dusted it off a bit.”
“And?”
Donny was evasive. “I don’t know.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? You know what good horn playing is. Either he was good or he wasn’t.”
“Well … I guess he wasn’t too good. But! Even Miles must have wondered what he was going to make of that piece of metal the first time he pressed it to his lips. I mean, can you imagine what Miles Davis was thinking as he raised a horn to his lips for the very first time?”
“An historic moment.” Dan waited a beat. “So, dare we hope that Angela Davis will inspire you to become a surrogate father to a needy boy with musical talent just waiting to be developed?”
Donny toed the edge of a counter. “That’s the question, isn’t it? I mean, we can’t just send him back to his parents. That would be … like a life sentence. Wouldn’t it?”
Dan nodded, waiting.
“And I guess I’ve kind of gotten used to having him around.”
“So…?”
Donny shrugged. “So, I guess … whatever.”
“Whatever? Just like that?” Dan said.
“Do you want me to say I’ll think about it?”
“Definitely not.”
Ked had been home a week. He was still on edge over Ephraim’s death, though the last few days had seen him returning to his old self. But he was changed, Dan knew. Older, sadder. Death had whispered in his ear then driven the knife blade in a little, under the skin. The experience would leave him marked, but not, Dan hoped, permanently damaged. Maybe it was too soon to be doing this. He went upstairs and knocked on his son’s door.
“Come in, Dad!”
Dan pushed the door open with his foot, avoiding the maze of clothes and school reports sliding over the carpet. Ked removed his earphones, his head still swaying to whatever unheard pulse he’d just been connected to.
“I need to speak with you about something,” Dan said, hoping his timing wasn’t completely off. “I’m thinking about going away for a while.”
Ked just sat there. This wasn’t going to be easy. “I’m thinking of going back to B.C. For a couple of weeks — maybe a little longer.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I know it’s been a difficult time for you, and I don’t want to do anything to upset you.” Memories of promising Ked never to desert him clouded his mind; was that what he was doing? He retreated. This was all wrong. “But anyway, it can probably wait.…”
Ked’s voice intruded. “What’s in B.C.?”
“Oh. Well. I was … I mean, there’s someone I met there I like a lot. I want to get to know him better. But of course my home is here — with you.” Dan watched closely, trying to read that inscrutable teenage face that seemed to follow him with X-ray vision, as though his son knew his deepest secrets.
“That’s cool.”
“What’s cool?”
“That you want to go to B.C. Especially if there’s someone you like.” Ked cocked his head. “Is he nice?”
Dan nodded. “Yes. He is. Thanks for asking.”
“Just checking up on you.”
“And anyway, it’s just a thought. I mean, I might not go —”
Ked fixed him with a stare. “Dad, I just want you to be happy. Have you ever been happy in your entire life?”
“What?” Dan looked intently at his son. “Of course I’ve been happy.” He stopped and thought about it. “Maybe not for a while, but I will be again.”
Ked sat watching him. “What makes you happy?”
“Did your Uncle Donny tell you to ask me this?” Dan said, suspicion clouding his mind.
“No.”
“Okay. Well, you make me happy, for one.”
“What else?”
Dan thought it over. Not much came to mind. Could he add Trevor to the list? What was he expecting of Trevor anyway? Salvation? Love everlasting? Supernatural sex? What happened when the sex slowed and the boredom quickened? When the perfect life became perfectly boring? The picture clouded. What would he do about the weight gain from not dancing or working out every other day and one too many hot chocolates before the fire? Or just from not having enough to get up and get done in the morning. These were precisely the kinds of things that destroyed relationships. And would Trevor still respect him no matter what tricks Dan came up with to booby-trap their rose-strewn path ahead? He was only now becoming aware of all the ways he sabotaged his own best intentions. Did he, Dan, even have what it took to make a go of things without fucking up, throwing up his hands, and moving on?
He smiled. Listen to me, he thought. I’ve already moved in with him in my mind and we’re having our first fight, all without him even being there. Who says I’m not complex?
“I don’t know what else at this moment. It’s hard to say right now. It’s been a rough year for me too.” He shrugged and tried to cover his seriousness.
Ked watched him. “So just me? One thing?”
Dan nodded.
“Is that enough?”
“What do you mean?”
Ked looked around. “I mean … well, I’m happy living here with you, but Ralph makes me happy and I like playing basketball, and Mom makes me happy, and Uncle Donny too. There’s lots of things that make me happy —”
“And you think I need to have lots of things too?”
“Maybe you just need a few more.”
Dan watched his son watching him.
“I know you hate Toronto.…”
“It doesn’t mean I want to leave.”
“I’ll
