special. You’re accepted. (They’re also whatstands between you and being alone in that lunchroom.)
I have absolutely the most gorgeous, nice, caring friends in the world. I can trust them, and they can trust me. —Isabel
Our friendship is like a triple- knotted shoelace. Not even the strongest person can untie it. —Madeline and Gabriella
My friends and I never stay in a fight for long, and eventually we walk off happy. That’s how I know we are true friends. —Abigail
I’ve found friends who are 100% sincerely nice and who like me for who I am. —Julia
We’re accepting, and we just like to be with each other. We help each other out and don’t let rifts get in the way of being friends. We are who we are, and we’re fine with that. —MT
us and them
All groups have a way of thinking about themselves. It comes partly from
the kids in the group—what they share, how they see themselves, and
how they’d like to be seen. It comes partly from how kids outside the
group see it. Usually there are lots of labels floating around, like “geeks,”
“brainiacs,” “jocks,” and of course, “popular.”
However that works, everybody has a pretty good sense of where every-
body fits, and friends often find ways to celebrate their friendship—and
show their loyalty.
It’s natural to like the things your friends like.
If everybody in your group wears daisy clogs,
you may decide to start wearing daisy clogs,
too. If your friends have pierced ears, you may
want to pierce yours, too. That’s OK, so long
as you really want to wear daisy clogs and
have your ears pierced.
But what if you don’t?
What if all your friends wear black
and you show up in plaid? If you
stop listening to country and
start liking indie? If you start
spending time with a girl outside
your group?
Some groups are relaxed. Being
friends doesn’t involve a lot of dos
and don’ts. Friends don’t spend time
examining what other friends wear or
do or say. They don’t question one
another’s loyalty. They also aren’t hung
up on disliking kids in other groups or
excluding people. Girls have friends in
and outside the group, and that’s fine.
Kids do pretty much what they like
to do.
But other groups are strict. People are
really critical. Friends tell friends how
to dress and what to think, who’s OK
to talk to and who isn’t. There’s always
a right way and a wrong way, and the
group decides which is which. People
ridicule kids outside the group, and
nobody feels safe inside. A girl feels
she’s one mistake away from getting
kicked out.
Sometimes a girl falls in with a group without knowing what she’s signed on for.
Quiz
membership dues
Which answer best describes how things work in your group of friends?
1. Gabby says, “That band is so lame,” and the other girls agree. You say, “I love that band.” The others . . .
a. ask what you like about it.
b. laugh and say you have no taste.
2. You and Sarah have been having a blast in science, so you invite her to sit with you and your friends at lunch. Your friends . . .
a. talk and laugh with you and Sarah, just like normal.
b. act like a cat left a dead mouse at their door.
3. Layla and Jessica got in a fight over Gavin, and your friends all think it was Layla’s fault. It goes without saying that . . .
a. how you behave with Layla is your own business.
b. you’ll ignore Layla in the hall.
4. Destiny tells Camilla, “If you don’t come to the show, you’re not our friend anymore.” The others say . . .
a. “Come off it, Destiny.”
b. “And we want the friendship bracelet back, too!”
5. When your friends look out across the lunchroom, they see . . .
a. other kids.
b. snobs, losers, dorks, and jerks.
