Artist
“ Several years ago, a guy friend—let’s call him Don Juan—invited me to climb Mt. Whitney with him. I was fairly new to California, and as an outdoorsy girl, I looked forward to climbing the state’s highest peak. I really had no romantic interest in Don whatsoever, so it caught me off-guard when, about halfway up to our base camp at Upper Boy Scout Lake, he broached the subject of whether we might make a good couple. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, or ruin our shot at the summit, so I gave him the I-really-don’t-want-to-ruin-our-friendship line.
I figured Don had gotten the hint because when we were filtering water at camp that afternoon, he took note of my pink toenail polish and told me he was more attracted to women who had the “natural” look, anyway. (I briefly considered using one of my painted-toenail feet to kick him in the butt, but then I figured it was in my best interest that he was no longer attracted to me.)
Later that night, however, Don must have forgotten his aversion to my nail polish. Just minutes after I snuggled into my sleeping bag in our shared tent, I felt his hand gently stroke the length of my body. I ignored him and scooted closer to my side of the tent. Then he did it again. Once more, I ignored him. But he needed an answer. “Eh-hem,” Don said, matter-of-factly. “How would you feel about a little non-committal cuddling?”
I toyed with the idea of asking him exactly what that meant: Did his no-nail polish rule have a high-altitude sex clause? Instead, I simply told him, “No thanks,” and curled up to sleep.
The next morning, we climbed Whitney without a hitch, and I felt relieved until I realized that I had plans to go on a climbing trip with him and a group of mutual friends the very next weekend. As a safeguard, I brought my two dogs. When he asked whether he could share my tent, I motioned to the dogs and said, “Sorry, it’s full.” I have to admit, I felt a bit sorry for him when he realized my dogs were the only ones who would get any “heavy petting” that night. ”
—ED
Deal with the Scary Stuff
It may be a little hard to concentrate on these moments of beauty if one of you is actually afraid you’ll be attacked by a bear at any minute. Putting your partner at ease before the first trip will leave you free to really enjoy yourselves. Once you know how to overcome possible problems, they won’t seem like such a big deal anymore.
It’s important to go into the wilderness feeling confident and prepared, particularly the first time. So let’s look at some common fears for first-time or inexperienced campers, and how you can make them less of a concern.
Remember, just because something doesn’t worry you doesn’t mean that it’s unreasonable for your partner to be scared. I used to be so freaked out by bugs that if I saw a centipede crawl across the floor, I’d go running out of the room. My boyfriend at the time thought I was nuts. “What do think that centipede is going to do to you?” I had no rational answer, but the fact is, my heart would start to pound, and when I saw just one bug, it was like I could feel a million of them crawling all over me. That was just an irrational fear of something that couldn’t really hurt me, but there are some very, very rational fears associated with going camping.
Kathleen Meyer’s attempts at introducing city boys to river rafting caused her a lot of grief in her love life. Somehow, she just couldn’t see that they were frightened by the rapids. “I really don’t know what happened,” she says. “I think I probably blew a lot of them away. I don’t know if it was the wilderness or the rapids or just my choices (of men).”
Assuming that your partner is comfortable right away will often lead to problems. When it’s the woman who is the experienced one, it’s easy to forget that a beginner is a beginner—even if he’s a man. “For me, it would be a role reversal to pamper a man in a way that might make him feel more comfortable out there, the way men typically do for women,” Meyer says. “I’d expect the man to be ready and up for the wilderness, more so than I am, I guess.” She learned the hard way that anyone can be scared doing a new activity, even if he seems tough in his everyday life.
You or your partner may have fears or concerns about camping that I don’t cover in this section. Make sure you talk about them together, and find ways of dealing with them before you make your first trip. Respecting your partner’s opinions is important if you want to have a trusting relationship. If you deal with any potential problems ahead of time, you can spend your trip focused on the fun stuff.
Wild Animals
On my very first camping trip, our group returned from a swim down at the beach to find a black bear at our campsite sniffing around the tents. Someone must have left food around. I knew nothing about bears, so when one of the leaders starting yelling at the bear and clapping her hands, I thought she was crazy. He’s going to come and attack us if you yell like that!
If you’re taking a beginner somewhere with bears, wolves, coyotes, or other wild beasts, make sure you give them some background knowledge first. If you’re a new camper with concerns, ask your partner or talk with the local ranger about whether any native wildlife pose a danger. Now I know you’re supposed to make noise so you don’t surprise the bear, because that’s when they charge. But that would have been a good thing to know before I saw one. Let your partner know how to handle wild animal encounters, and what precautions you should both be taking. If the beginner knows that tying up the food and garbage between trees will keep the bears away from the tent, he or she will probably get a much better night’s sleep.
Snakes are classic phobia-inspiring creatures. Even experienced campers can be caught off guard when they run across a snake. I was doing a guided desert hike in Arizona’s Vermilion Cliffs area with someone who’d been leading camping tours in the desert for years. As he moved between a boulder and a bush, he suddenly exposed a snake in our path—and, much to my surprise, he jumped! So I figure if a snake can make a guy like that jump, the rest of us have nothing to be ashamed of.
Luckily, snakes tend to get out of the way when they sense people are around. But it’s possible to run into them now and then, and it might be enough to panic you or your partner into doing something silly. If there are any dangerous snakes in the area where you’ll be camping, it’s a good idea to know how to recognize them, so you can avoid unnecessary anxiety every time a harmless snake crosses your path. In areas with lots of poisonous snakes, a snakebite kit is worth packing. I know it would make me feel better about my chances after a close encounter.
If you have a partner who is seriously afraid of snakes, you can be a real hero by checking their boots and sleeping bag to make sure there are no snakes lurking in there. By taking the lead on any hiking trails, you can also be the one to ensure that there are no killer serpents waiting to strike around the next bend.
Bugs
As I’ve mentioned, this one hits close to home. I still don’t like them, but I’ve mostly recovered from my fear of bugs; at least they don’t immediately make my pulse race anymore. I put annoying bugs into two categories: creepy-crawlies and biting bugs.
Creepy-crawlies are things like centipedes, beetles, grasshoppers, and other insects that don’t actually pose any threat but do play on some people’s irrational fears. If your partner is grossed out by bugs, don’t just laugh it off. You won’t be getting much loving from someone who’s totally freaked out.
Keeping your tent door zipped up at all times will make it impossible for these bugs to get inside. Having a “safe” sleeping environment is a must if you’re going to enjoy camping (especially if you want to have sex in there), so if your partner is
