a two-step process:
1. Listen to what is said.
2. Respond to what is said.
But this doesn’t account for your processing of the information you take in when listening. Rather, you should consider engaging in active listening, which is a four-step process:
1. Listen to what is said.
2. Interpret what is said.
3. Evaluate what is said.
4. Respond to what is said.
As you listen to the client, you need to interpret and evaluate what is being said. Actually, you unconsciously do this anyway. But by recognizing and focusing on these steps, and making them a priority, you will be much better at identifying the true natures of your potential clients.
When you force yourself to actively interpret information as it’s given to you, rather than passively taking in the information as it’s presented, you’re assigning it meaning. If you’re not sure that you have correctly interpreted what’s been said, ask questions until you can make a clear interpretation.
When you make an evaluation, you weigh the information and decide how to apply it. The task is to keep listening (and to ask questions to further your listening) until you have enough information to make the correct decision.
The active listening process is both a short-term and long-term strategy for avoiding the Toxic Client. In Victor Lee’s case, the client made his dislike of accounting professionals known in the initial interview. As longtime professionals know, when someone complains about the mistreatment he’s received from others in your field, chances are good that he’ll be complaining about you next.
Active listening requires singular focus. Too many of us are trying to do too many things at once—checking email, looking at notes, responding to texts and thinking of what next to say. But if you’re going to avoid a Toxic Client, you can’t be distracted.
A part of listening and evaluating is paying attention to those non-verbal signals that clients give us. You can ‘hear’ what people say in part by what their body language and tone of voice indicate. Learn to interpret the various non-verbal cues to your advantage.
Signs of impatience or annoyance include finger tapping, shifting of weight from one foot to another, abrupt or rapid speech, or a rise in voice volume or pitch. Clients shouldn’t display anger or impatience in an initial consultation. If one does, there’s a high likelihood that you’re interacting with a potentially Toxic Client. Their next bout of anger may be directed at you.
As well, clients shouldn’t go on and on with elaborate tales of woe. Many want you to be an enabler of their victimhood. You probably won’t be able to help this person and they will drag you down even if you somehow can. (Again, more on tar babies in Chapter Nine). Listen carefully, and evaluate even more carefully.
Finally, here’s another benefit of active listening: You’ll not only be able to weed out Toxic Clients, but you’ll also probably learn more about the clients you want to keep, and develop stronger relationships with them as a result.
Of course, listening has played a big part in the creation of this book. I have listened to the experiences of a number of friends and clients. I have come to realize in general terms and through a thoroughly non- scientific sampling that:
95% have encountered Toxic Clients.
80% have dealt with non-paying clients.
50% have been stiffed (never paid) by a client.
40% regularly deal with clients who take longer than 90 days to pay.
In listening to these stories and learning of the common experiences shared by all business owners it becomes abundantly clear: The Customer Is Not Always Right.
Chapter Two:
Angry
“Anger is really disappointed hope.”
~ Erica Jong
“It is the growling man who lives a dog’s life.”
~ Coleman Cox
If you have been in business for any length of time, you have dealt with an angry client. It may be due to personal issues, the client’s mental health, a full moon, or one of a hundred other reasons. But the cold fact of the matter is that when you deal with the public, some of those people are going to be angry.
Is it up to you to solve the angry client’s problem or meet his or her needs? Maybe not. Are all angry clients toxic? Not necessarily. They may be justified in their anger, and by employing some of the strategies we will discuss here, you can work toward building a more productive relationship.
But some angry people are displaying the first indications of toxicity. And once you learn how to recognize that, you can send them on their way.
Case No. 3: The Dermatologist
The shrill woman on the other end of the telephone line was angry and abusive. She was enraged about not being able to book an appointment at the dermatologist’s office.
Dr. Sarah Adams shared her practice with three other dermatologists. Their typical client was a woman between the ages of 30 and 50 who was seeking cosmetic services such as Botox and collagen treatments, facials, chemical peels, and laser hair removal. These clients came in because they wanted to look younger, healthier and more attractive.
Dr. Adams’ husband, Kenny Adams, helped manage the office. So on this day, when the receptionist finally couldn’t take any more screaming from the angry woman on the phone, she put the woman on hold and asked Kenny to deal with the caller who was demanding to be seen because she had a wart, and wouldn’t accept that the office was booked two months in advance.
Adams picked up the call and calmly explained to the angry woman that he was the office manager and that an appointment could only be made when there was an opening. Unfortunately, he said, the doctors in this office were in high demand. He encouraged her to call around to see if another dermatologist could see her sooner.
“No, I want to see Dr. Adams!” she screamed. Then she began insulting Kenny, calling him “ridiculous,” “stubborn,” and “unprofessional.”
Kenny managed to control his temper, realizing that directing anger back at her would certainly not help the situation. But his calm demeanor only resulted in further torrents of insults.
After several minutes of listening calmly to the woman, Kenny employed a firm tone and said, “Ma’am, I can’t help you if you yell and scream at me or call me abusive names. We don’t book appointments for people who act in an angry or abusive manner.”
“Yes, sir!” said the woman, sarcastically.
“We treat our patients with respect, and we expect the same thing in return,” Kenny continued.
“Yes, sir!” she repeated.
It was at this point that Kenny realized this was a lost cause. She was a Toxic Client who behaved irrationally. He decided not to proceed with helping her. “If you can’t schedule an appointment with another
