Now Dromio of Syracuse, our first Dromio, comes back and has no idea why Antipholus of Syracuse thinks he was just there. They wind up at the house of Adriana, who thinks Antipholus of Syracuse is actually Antipholus of Ephesus, her husband and his twin—who we haven’t met yet. Confused? Good! So are they!
Exit NARRATOR stage left.
Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE from stage rear; he stands in front of bench.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
The gold I gave to Dromio is laid up
Safe at the Centaur; I could not speak with Dromio
since at first
I sent him from the mart. See, here he comes.
Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE from stage right.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
How now sir! Is your merry humor alter’d?
Jest with me again. You received no gold?
Your mistress sent to have me home to dinner?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I did not see you since you sent me hence,
with the gold you gave me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Think’st thou I jest? Hold, take thou that, and that. (beats DROMIO with his hat)
ANTIPHOLUS chases DROMIO around the bench.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
But, I pray, sir why am I beaten?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
For flouting me.
ANTIPHOLUS chases DROMIO again, hitting him with his hat. The chase ends with both sitting on the bench.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Well, sir, I thank you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Thank me, sir, for what?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.
Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA from stage right. As ADRIANA approaches ANTIPHOLUS, DROMIO gets up and stands behind bench.
ADRIANA
Ay, ay, Antipholus, look strange and frown.
Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects.
I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.
The time was once when thou unurged wouldst vow
That never words were music to thine ear,
That never object pleasing in thine eye,
That never touch well welcome to thy hand,
That never meat sweet-savored in thy taste,
Unless I spake, or looked, or touched, or carved to thee.
How comes it now, my husband, O, how comes it
That thou art then estrangèd from thyself?
“Thyself” I call it, being strange to me,
That, undividable, incorporate,
Am better than thy dear self’s better part.
Ah, do not tear away thyself from me!
For know, my love, as easy mayst thou fall
A drop of water in the breaking gulf,
And take unmingled thence that drop again
Without addition or diminishing,
As take from me thyself and not me too.
How dearly would it touch thee to the quick,
Shouldst thou but hear I were licentious
And that this body, consecrate to thee,
By ruffian lust should be contaminate!
Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurn at me,
And hurl the name of husband in my face,
And tear the stained skin off my harlot brow,
And from my false hand cut the wedding ring,
And break it with a deep-divorcing vow?
I know thou canst, and therefore see thou do it.
I am possessed with an adulterate blot;
My blood is mingled with the crime of lust;
For if we two be one, and thou play false,
I do digest the poison of thy flesh,
Being strumpeted by thy contagion.
Keep then fair league and truce with thy true bed,
I live distained, thou undishonorèd.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE (stands)
Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you not.
LUCIANA
Fie, brother! How the world is changed with you!
When were you wont to use my sister thus?
She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
By Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
By me?
ADRIANA
By thee.
ANTIPHOLUS
