first year I began travelling with you explained to me the real moral and physical value of changing into comfortable, pretty clothes after a hard day in breeches and boots. You change yourself. What’s the difference?”
“All the difference,” he snapped. “There is no need for you to make yourself more attractive than you are already.”
“Since when has it occurred to you that I am attractive? You must have a touch of the sun, Aubrey,” she replied, with uplifted eyebrows, drumming impatiently with her fingers on the table.
“Don’t quibble. You know perfectly well that you are good-looking—too good-looking to carry through this preposterous affair.”
“Will you please tell me what you are driving at?” she asked quietly. But the dark blue eyes fixed on her brother’s face were growing darker as she looked at him.
“I’ve been doing some hard thinking to-day, Diana. This tour you propose is impossible.”
“Isn’t it rather late in the day to find that out?” she interrupted sarcastically; but he ignored the interruption.
“You must see for yourself, now that you are face to face with the thing, that it is impossble. It’s quite unthinkable that you can wander for the next month all alone in the desert with those damned niggers. Though my legal guardianship over you terminated last September I still have some moral obligations towards you. Though it has been convenient to me to bring you up as a boy and to regard you in the light of a younger brother instead of a sister, we cannot get away from the fact that you are a woman, and a very young woman. There are certain things a young woman cannot do. If you had been the boy I always wished you were it would have been a different matter, but you are not a boy, and the whole thing is impossible—utterly impossible.” There was a fretful impatience in his voice.
Diana lit a cigarette slowly, and swung round on her chair with a hard laugh. “If I had not lived with you all my life, Aubrey, I should really be impressed with your brotherly solicitude; I should think you really meant it. But knowing you as I do, I know that it is not anxiety on my behalf that is prompting you, but the disinclination that you have to travel alone without me. You have come to depend on me to save you certain annoyances and inconveniences that always occur in travelling. You were more honest in Biskra when you only objected to my trip without giving reasons. Why have you waited until to-night to give me those reasons?”
“Because I thought that here, at least, you would have sense enough to see them. In Biskra it was impossible to argue with you. You made your own arrangements against my wishes. I left it, feeling convinced that the impossibility of it would be brought home to you here, and that you would see for yourself that it was out of the question. Diana, give up this insane trip.”
“I will not.”
“I’ve a thundering good mind to make you.”
“You can’t. I’m my own mistress. You have no right over me at all. You have no claim on me. You haven’t even that of ordinary brotherly affection, for you have never given me any, so you cannot expect it from me. We needn’t make any pretence about it. I am not going to argue any more. I will not go back to Biskra.”
“If you are afraid of being laughed at—” he sneered; but she took him up swiftly.
“I am not afraid of being laughed at. Only cowards are afraid of that, and I am not a coward.”
“Diana, listen to reason!”
“Aubrey! I have said my last word. Nothing will alter my determination to go on this trip. Your arguments do not convince me, who know you. It is your own considerations and not mine that are at the bottom of your remonstrances. You do not deny it, because you can’t, because it is true.”
They were facing each other across the little table. An angry flush rose in Sir Aubrey’s face, and his eyeglass fell with a little sharp tinkle against a waistcoat button.
“You’re a damned obstinate little devil!” he said furiously.
She looked at him steadily, her scornful mouth firm as his own. “I am what you have made me,” she said slowly. “Why quarrel with the result? You have brought me up to ignore the restrictions attached to my sex; you now round on me and throw them in my face. All my life you have set me an example of selfishness and obstinacy. Can you wonder that I have profited by it? You have made me as hard as yourself, and you now profess surprise at the determination your training has forced upon me. You are illogical. It is your fault, not mine. There was bound to be a clash some day. It has come sooner than I expected, that’s all. Up till now my inclinations have gone with yours, but this seems to be the parting of the ways. As I reminded you before, I am my own mistress, and I will submit to no interference with my actions. Please understand that clearly, Aubrey. I don’t want to wrangle any more. I will join you in New York as I promised. I am not in the habit of breaking my promises, but my life is my own to deal with, and I will deal with it exactly as I wish and not as any one else wishes. I will do what I choose when and how I choose, and I will never obey any will but my own.”
Sir Aubrey’s eyes narrowed suddenly. “Then I hope to Heaven that one day you will fall into the hands of a man who will make you obey,” he cried wrathfully.
Her scornful mouth curled still more scornfully. “Then Heaven help him!” she retorted scathingly, and turned away to her tent.
But, alone, her anger gave way to amusement. It had been something, after all, to rouse the lazy Aubrey to wrath. She knew exactly the grievance he had been nursing against her during the last few weeks in Biskra. Though he travelled perpetually and often in remote and desolate places, he travelled with the acme of comfort and the minimum of inconveniences. He put himself out for nothing, and the inevitable difficulties that accrued fell on Diana’s younger and less blasé shoulders. She had always known the uses he put her to and the convenience she was to him. He might have some latent feelings with regard to the inadvisability of her behavior, he might even have some prickings of conscience on the subject of his upbringing of her, but it was thoughts of his own comfort that were troubling him most. That she knew, and the knowledge was not conducive to any kinder feeling towards him. He always had been and always would be supremely selfish. The whole of their life together had been conducted to suit his conveniences and not hers. She knew, too, why her company was particularly desired on his visit to America. It was a hunting trip, out not the kind that they were usually accustomed to: it was a wife and not big game that was taking Sir Aubrey across the ocean on this occasion. It had been in his mind for some time as an inevitable and somewhat unpleasant necessity. Women bored him, and the idea of marriage was distasteful, but a son to succeed him was imperative—a Mayo must be followed by a Mayo. An heir was essential for the big property that the family had held for hundreds of years. No woman had ever attracted him, but of all women he had met American women were less actively irritating to him, and so it was to America that he turned in search of a wife. He proposed to take a house in New York for a few months and later on in Newport, and it was for that that Diana’s company was considered indispensable. She would save him endless trouble, as all arrangements could be left in her hands and Stephens’. Having made up his mind to go through with a proceeding that he regarded in the light of a sacrifice on the family altar, his wish was to get it over and done with as soon as possible, and Diana’s interference in his plans had exasperated him. It was the first time that their wills had crossed, and she shrugged her shoulders impatiently, with a grimace at the recollection. A little more and it would have degenerated into a vulgar quarrel. She banished Aubrey and his selfishness resolutely from her mind. It was very hot, and she lay very still in the narrow cot, wishing she had not been so rigid in the matter of its width, and wondering if a sudden movement in the night would precipitate her
