affected, even bookish manner, but as a matter of fact I could not speak except ‘as though I was reading from a book’. But that did not worry me, for I knew, I had a feeling that I would be understood, that this very bookishness would assist rather than hinder matters.” Eventually he sees that he has made an impression on her and it frightens him because her body “was writhing as though in convulsions”. She sobs and “broke out into loud moans and cries”. He can not go on with his “bookish” talk because he sees fearfully that it is having a real effect on a real human being. He is about to tell her that he is sorry, that he should not have talked to her so long in such a positive moralistic idealistic fashion but he stops realizing that he has had a real effect on her and that now it would be wrong to try to undo what he has done. He gives her his address and tells her to come and see him. She will not let him go until she relates a story about how she once was loved by a young man before she sank to her present condition. Her story proves that now because of the underground man’s positive sermon she has hope for a changed future. He is sorry for what he has done and is happy to leave.
Away from Lisa, he is “overcome with embarrassment” for what he has said to her. How could he have talked for so long so sentimentally with romantic nonsense about goodness and love and hope? He gave her his address and now is worried that she will come to visit him. Even as days pass and she still does not come, he remains worried. “If not today, then tomorrow, but come she will! She’ll seek me out! For such is the damned romanticism of all those pure hearts!…How could she fail to understand? Why, anyone would have seen through it!”
When Lisa visits him and they sit together with tea, he has a nervous attack and begins sobbing. “She was frightened. ‘What’s the matter? What’s the matter?’ she kept asking, standing helplessly over me.” He resents her presence and there are long silences between them. Finally she speaks. “‘I–I want to get away from that place for good,’ she began in an effort to do something to break the silence, but, poor thing, that was just what she should not have spoken about at such a stupid moment and especially to a man who was as stupid as I.” Another five minutes of silence passes between them. He asks her suddenly what she has come for and she does not answer. “I’ll tell you, my dear girl, what you have come for. You’ve come because I made pathetic speeches to you the other night. So you were softened and now you want more of these pathetic speeches. Well, I may as well tell you at once I was laughing at you then. And I’m laughing at you now….I had been insulted before, at dinner, by the fellows who came before me that night….So to avenge my wounded pride on someone, to get my own back, I vented my spite on you and I laughed at you. I had been humiliated, so I wanted to humiliate someone…I wanted power. Power was what I wanted then. I wanted sport. I wanted to see you cry. I wanted to humiliate you. To make you hysterical….And do you realize that now that I’ve told you all this I shall hate you for having been here and listened to me?”
He crushes her and humiliates her but his actions strip her of any power to defend herself and because she is now without anything even approaching a reasonable well-ordered respect for herself, because he has forced her to slip into the irrational side of her nature and come directly in contact with her soul, she loves! The eyes of her soul let her see that behind all his negative talk against her and against himself, is a man who is suffering. She loves! She holds out her hands to him. She rushes at him, throws her arms around him, and bursts into tears. He begins sobbing “as I had never in my life sobbed before”. He falls on the sofa and sobs for a quarter of an hour. She clings to him and puts her arms around him and seems “to remain frozen in that embrace”.
So the underground man has been all talk! His reason and his heart and his soul live in him harmoniously with one another as they do in us and just like we he too can love and love will certainly change him and teach him self-respect! Two lost unhappy souls are now saved! The “bookish” idealistic world is the true world! The world of the “good and the beautiful” is real! Groundlessness and irrationality and willfulness have no place in the world of goodness and love! The real world has finally revealed itself to Lisa and the man from the underground!
He lies on the sofa and is ashamed to look at her. He is ashamed! It occurs to him “that our parts were now completely changed, that she was the heroine now, while I was exactly the same crushed and humiliated creature as she had appeared to me that night – four days before”. He envies her! “I cannot live without feeling that I have someone completely in my power, that I am free to tyrannize over some human being.” In his heart blazes up a feeling of domination and possession. “I clasped her hands violently. How I hated her and how I was drawn to her at that moment!…At first she looked bewildered and even frightened, but only for one moment. She embraced me warmly and rapturously.”
A quarter hour later Lisa is sitting on the floor leaning her head against the edge of the bed crying. The underground man is impatient with her and wants her to leave. “This time she knew everything. I had insulted her finally…She guessed that my outburst of passion was nothing but revenge, a fresh insult for her, and that to my earlier, almost aimless, hatred, there was now added a personal, jealous hatred of her….However, I can’t be certain that she did understand it all so clearly; what she certainly did understand was that I was a loathsome man and that, above all, I was incapable of loving her.”
Just as Raskolnikov cannot simply love Sonya, the man from the underground cannot seize the love that Lisa offers him and love her! He too is gone, removed like Raskolnikov from the human, because he is incapable of ruling himself as normal people do with his reason. Even when the body of a young attractive woman embraces him weeping full of love, he must act willfully. He insults her with his lust when he should have respected her and himself by giving way not to lust but to love. But even as Lisa cries leaning her head on the edge of the bed, all is not lost. Moments of lust do not kill love if it is real and Lisa despite his hatred and jealousy does love him. In spite of his need to be willful, how can he resist a miracle when it falls on him from out of nowhere? It is perhaps only the second act in the drama of Lisa and the underground man and other acts can still follow and can produce a happy ending.
She comes from the bed and looks at him hard. He smiles at her maliciously. She says goodbye and goes to the door but before she can reach it, he runs up to her and puts money in her hand. Then he rushes away from the door. She leaves. He says that he put what he put in her hand “not because my heart, but because my wicked brain prompted me to do it”. But soon, overwhelmed with shame, he rushes out the door after her. He calls to her down the staircase but receives no answer. When he returns to his rooms, he discovers on the table near the door the five-rouble note which minutes before he had pressed into her hand.
He acts willfully with the world and experiences a strange enjoyment but he acts rationally with a woman who loves him and learns that his heart is empty. But he is a hero nonetheless the underground man. The world demands that he act moderately and rationally and women demand that he love. He can do neither and he refuses to live falsely. Groundlessness is painful but it is at least free. The underground man lives where he must live, underground where the struggles to reach the deep things of the soul live and where the idealistic and “bookish” lights from the world of the “good and the beautiful” never shine.
9
Dostoevsky confessed that his belief came from “the fire of doubt”. His belief in God went hand in hand with doubt but his belief in Russia and his belief that without the Russian Orthodox church there could be no Russia were not subject to doubt. How could Sonya with little education and experience have found the secret treasure within her if there were no church that transmitted from generation to generation religious practices and kept the possibility of goodness and genuine religious experience alive? The religious experience offered by church rituals and the unity of Russia politically under the Tzar seemed essential to Dostoevsky even if the political system was far from perfect and even though the rituals of the church produced only lukewarm experience. But the goodness that resulted from the public presence of the church did not lead him to the mystery of creation. His “second pair of eyes” drove him to look for
