how to invite God into the painful parts of our lives. Our marriage has not only survived the cross-cultural chaos, it’s actually better now than it was two years ago.
Big Blessing #3: My international church
I have a strong need for a good church. I have always loved the church, but I did not expect the international church we attend to be such a lifeline for me. Each week, I connect with God during the worship time. I need that special time of prayer and contemplation each week—I even take notes. And when I am forced to skip a Sunday because of illness in the family, I just don’t feel as anchored the following week.
I met another dear friend in the church nursery here. She has been such an encouragement to me throughout this first term, as we shared our sorrows and struggles together, and as I learned from the wisdom of her decade in this country. I didn’t know I could find all those things at a church, so soon after moving here. After all, I had been at our sending church for over fifteen years. I didn’t know I could get the cozy feel of small-church relationships at a bigger church. I didn’t know I could feel like I belonged so soon. I didn’t know how universal Christ’s church really is.
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In my doula training course, I learned that what creates a satisfying birth is not necessarily whether the birth plan was followed precisely or how the birth unfolded, medically speaking. No; how a mom feels about her birth is more closely tied to how well supported she was. If she was kept informed about the process and felt emotionally supported, generally she will consider her experience good, even if unexpected events occurred.
If you guessed I’m going to draw an analogy between birth and missionary life again, you’d be right. I realized that each of those three items on my list has something in common: I draw strength and support from them. My friends, my husband, and my church have all given me spiritual and emotional support during these past two years. In my final evaluation of this term, even though I’ve frequently cried, been regularly stressed out, and been tired nearly every day, I have been fully supported.
When I doubted, they listened. On down days, they were there. How I feel about this term is positive: I have been buoyed by my brothers and sisters in Christ. On this journey we call life, just what in the world would I do without them?
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“Every good and perfect gift is from above” (James 1:17a NIV).
Ten Ways to Survive Your First Year Overseas
by Elizabeth
I worked at a lot of summer camps before moving overseas. Camp work is hot, sweaty, and tiring, and I always loved that last shower before lights out. So before moving overseas, I told my husband that I’d be able to handle anything during the day in Cambodia as long as I had a clean shower and clean bed at night (with a fan!).
And for the most part, that’s been true. Besides the nightly shower, however, I’ve picked up a few other survival skills from my first year overseas. My best advice still lies in the preparation phase, but today I want to share tips you can use once you get to the field. Here they are:
1. Figure out your absolute necessities, and do whatever you can to install them in your home or in your life
For myself, I needed curtains in my bedroom and gates on my stairs. I had to be able to dress and undress in private, as well as spend time with my husband in private. I needed curtains pronto! Thankfully a friend supplied me some hand-me-down curtains three weeks into our Cambodia adventure. They may or may not have matched my sheets, but they gave me the privacy I needed.
A close second for me was the safety gates on our treacherously steep concrete Asian stairs (for my then-one-year-old), obtained five weeks in to Cambodia life. Those were my absolute necessities. You may need something different. Certain kitchen equipment, perhaps. The point is, figure out your two or three absolute necessities, and obtain them if at all possible.
2. Funny YouTube clips are your best friend
Some weeks it was all I could do to get to Friday, when my husband and I would watch Fail Blogs on YouTube. Another favorite was Mitch Hedberg. (You can find compilations that delete his language.)
We’re big fans of Brian Regan’s “I Walked on the Moon” (mostly clean, with occasional language).
Of course who can’t help loving Jim Gaffigan (also mostly clean)?
This is one of our family favorites: NFL Bad Lip Reading. Not all Bad Lip Reading is this kid-friendly.
3. Find spiritual nourishment
I can’t tell you enough how much I love our international church and the spiritual food I receive there. But I know not everyone lives in a city that offers English-speaking church services like I do. Nowadays, though, overseas workers have access to sermons and podcasts on the internet. My husband, for example, likes listening to Andy Stanley sermons. Figure out which teachers feed you, and set aside some time to listen.
We all need to worship God in song, so if you don’t have access to worship services in your heart language, remember you can purchase worship music on iTunes. (Artists like Bethel, Hillsong, and Matt Redman are some of my favorites.) I know some of this depends on your internet quality and won’t work for absolutely everyone at all times; still, it’s an improvement in resource availability over times past.
And don’t forget your own personal morning quiet time –it’s worked wonders in my life. So no matter what your options are, I do believe you can find the spiritual nourishment that you crave and that you need. You just might have to be creative about it.
4. Closely related to spiritual nourishment is finding community
You might be able to find this at an international church or on your team, as I’ve been thrilled to find. (Although I personally have had to guard against being oversocialized.) Finding community might be trickier for you if you live in a really remote place, with few other workers.
One of the best things you can do is pray for God to bring you a kindred spirit or two. Yes, the goodbyes hurt, and sometimes God brings people into our lives only for a season, but I do believe God answers our prayers for friends. Sometimes we have to get creative in our search for community as well, and another option is online community. Velvet Ashes and A Life Overseas are two options for Christian expats.
If you’re married, it’s far too easy to forget that you and your spouse can provide built-in community for each other—but that only happens when you spend time together. Maybe there’s no money to go out anywhere, or nowhere to go out, or maybe you don’t yet have babysitters you trust. You can still have coffee at home. You can still put the kids to bed early. You can still find fellowship with each other; in fact friendship is a vital part of a thriving marriage. Our first year we went up to our roof after our kids’ bedtime a couple times a week, looked out over our city and just talked to each other. It was peaceful and a time of great bonding, and I cherish those memories.
5. Your old coping mechanisms might not work at first—don’t sweat it too much
I love to read, but my mind was too tired from language learning and culture acquisition to read much that first year. I’ve had other friends whose beloved piano playing went by the wayside their first year. Don’t lose heart—these things will come back later, when your brain isn’t so tired from the initial onslaught of culture and language.
6. Your body and mind may feel weaker
