people simply don’t get enough training. Our required training was very thorough, and each step along the way we learned something more about cross-cultural work or about ourselves. The two most life-changing trainings we took were Mission Training International’s (MTI) pre-field course and the Kairos worldview course. I consider MTI to be essential preparation for cross-cultural service, and it should be attended in addition to any Bible school or seminary training you may already have.
Before becoming missionaries-in-training, we had been involved in paid or volunteer ministry for several years. That ministry experience has been very helpful to us in setting boundaries between family time and ministry time (something that especially affects a wife’s happiness). It’s also easy for missionaries to become frustrated with nationals who change slowly or not at all, but I remember times in the States when we worked with people stuck in harmful behavior patterns who didn’t seem to be showing evidence of positive change. So we’ve concluded that some of the stresses of missionary life are just ministry stresses, located in another country. It would be useful to get some ministry experience before leaving.
Conclusion: Practical Steps to Take
1) Build margin into your budget, and raise it fully.
2) Ensure both partners have a strong missionary call.
3) Make your marriage your strongest relationship; possibly seek counseling.
4) Tackle big problems like pornography before leaving.
5) Be prepared for the possibility of team issues.
6) Get ministry experience in addition to specific pre-field missions training.
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For more information on Mission Training International, see www.mti.org.
For more information on Kairos, see www.kairosusa.com.
Living Well Abroad: Four Areas to Consider
by Jonathan
My day job in Cambodia is serving as a pastoral counselor. In a typical week, I meet with clients from Asia, the Americas, Australia, Europe, and occasionally Africa. And whether these clients are missionaries, NGO workers, or international business people, they’re all trying to figure out how to live well here in Cambodia.
I was recently asked to share at an international church on the topic of living well abroad. I gave it all I had and presented my compiled thoughts and hopes. This chapter is an extension of that presentation.
My hope is that it might help you as you prepare well.
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How long will you be in your host country before you cry really hard? You know, one of those famous ugly cries that no one sees but which certainly exists? Will it be sometime in your first year? Month? Week? For me, it took about twenty-seven hours.
Our theme verse for those early days was 2 Corinthians 1:8: “We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it.”
But we did.
For as Paul Hiebert writes in his seminal work, Anthropological Insights for Missionaries, “Culture shock is rarely terminal.”2
Theory can only get you so far. At some point, you have to get your feet wet and Nike the thing. That’s what this chapter’s about. It’s an attempt to give some practical, hands-on, nitty-gritty, [insert random epic language here], rubber-meets-the-road, advice.
Much of this comes from my own experience of transitioning a family of six from the suburbs of Midwest America to the concrete vistas of Phnom Penh. The rest comes from observing lives and stories in that enigmatic place we call “the counseling room.”
The four specific areas we’ll consider include living well abroad:
1. Theologically
2. Spiritually
3. Relationally
4. Psychologically
1. Living Well Abroad: Theologically
How we think about God matters. Of course it does. You already know that. But we sometimes forget that our theology also plays a vital role in how well we fare on the field.
First, we must remember that productivity does not equal fruitfulness. Indeed, our aim is not even to be fruitful, but to stay attached to the Vine from which all fruit comes. Our aim is to know him and his heart, to remain in him. Staying attached to the Source, hearing his heartbeat, is the only way we will be able to do “the will of him who sent us” (see John 4:34). There is so much to do and God does not want you to do it all. Let me repeat: there is so much to do and God does not want you to do it all. He does not expect you to kill yourself in his service. Now, you might die in his service, of course, but it should not be because you’re a workaholic.
If you want to thrive abroad, you can’t try to meet your deep insecurities through making someone (a missions boss, a sending church, God) happy. No amount of productivity will heal the wounds in your soul.
In fact, trying to meet your own deep emotional or psychological needs through missions will tear you up. And it won’t be good for those close to you either.
Simple prayers are your friend
For me, after we’d gone through a really rough patch (misdiagnosed typhoid fever, culture stripping,3 bad news from home, etc.), I clung to one simple cry-prayer: “I will worship the Lord my God; I will serve only him.” It’s a declaration from Jesus at the peak of his temptation. It’s what Jesus fell back on at the very end. So I did too. And honestly, for a while, it was the only prayer I prayed.
That being said, in Matthew 4, when Jesus made that declaration, Satan left him and angels came and ministered to him. I’m not a businessman, but that seems like a pretty good trade.
Your theology of Satan matters a lot
Don’t give Satan more credit than he’s due. Don’t blame him for everything. Why not? Well, it’ll keep you from taking responsibility for your own stuff, and it’ll keep you from doing the hard interpersonal and inner-personal work that you need to do. Here’s my general rule: don’t blame Satan for things that are reasonably foreseeable.
If it was reasonably foreseeable that eating that street food would give you giardia, don’t blame the devil when you get sick and can’t leave the bathroom! I’ll be really sorry you’re sick, but you don’t need to bring the devil into it to garner my compassion and prayers.
If you ignore Sabbath and run yourself ragged, don’t blame Satan when you feel depressed and burned out. Don’t blame the natural result of your workaholism on “the darkness.” (Note: I am NOT saying that depression and burnout always result from a missionary’s failure to rest. But if a person has been burning the candle at both ends and then starts to feel the flame, it’s not fair to blame the devil.)
Proverbs
