by talking negatively about what we want to buy, and only positively about what we are selling. This makes no sense.
SOLUTION: What would happen if we were able to break out of that vicious circle – if we could place the money issue on a lower shelf, as it were, so it is just a segment of the negotiation, like pride, acknowledgement, and satisfaction?
NegoLogic establishes us as extremely reliable, painfully honest – to the point of neutral – dealmakers. We acknowledge both sides of the coin and do not shy away from mentioning negative elements, even though these may seem to “hurt” our own position.
This way we gain an unusual level of trust with our opponents, and our sole remaining disagreement (the price) can be resolved by dissecting the value, and putting it back together again in any way that fits our purpose.
I must emphasise that it is not our aim to emerge from the negotiation as “the winner”, but to get our valuation across.
This must be our only objective.
In introducing this approach we should address the common denominators of behaviour – the mistakes that we all make to some extent, every single one of us.
Let’s kick this uneven match off with a very stupid question:
“Which tool is imperative to close deals?”
Your most likely answer would be: “Money or assets.”
That answer is right – as well as wrong!
Yes, money is a major tool for any negotiator ...but... there is a BIG but ...the real asset is planting the right emotion inside the mind of the opposing party. They must “feel” that the deal we are bringing to the table is too good to miss.
Feel? That is a word we rarely see in any negotiation book!
FOCUS: We have been misled into believing that money is all that matters. Because we have always been told that – like computers – both parties have their bottom line set out in a very rigid manner. The idea is that the other side will only trade with us if they get a deal that satisfies them, anything in between what they hope for and what they are willing to settle for and within those margins, we face a brick wall that cannot be breached.
ELABORATE: In recent years professionals have been taught that the best way to negotiate is no longer to win, but to create a win-win result. Both parties gain in equal proportion, and are therefore satisfied with the outcome.
Give them what they want and they will be happy!
It sounds quite logical but is that really the only truth?
If it were, then I would not be able to paint a scene where you get everything you could wish for...
and still be unsatisfied with the outcome!
But this is shockingly easy.
Imagine you want to sell me an object that is worth 15.000 and start out with your highest asking price of 19.000.
Instead of negotiating, I immediately shake your hand and say; “Sold!” Then I slap your shoulder and thank you over and over again.
Now, how does that make you feel?
Keep in mind that you should be very satisfied to receive your highest asking price… but I predict that your happiness will not last.
Why? That is the million-dollar question!
You are not happy because....I made you realise that you started too low.
Suddenly, you “know” (feel, sense) that I was willing to pay even more.
Who put that suggestion into your head?
Well, I triggered it and if we can direct our opponent’s most inner thoughts in this simple manner then we are well on our way to determining the outcome of any negotiation.
Is it clear that this emotion has nothing to do with any reality or value?
It no longer matters what the books or experts say your product is worth, because now you “know” for sure that you have made a mistake. You started too low.
This is a prime example of how self-centred and vulnerable our thoughts are during dealings, of how easy it is for another person to control and direct our thoughts. The event blew knowledge that you would otherwise swear by, straight out of the water! You know what just happened? This shows how neuroeconomics works – simply and reliably.
SOLUTION: Reading this calmly in your easy chair, it’s all very clear to you. What really happened was that I accepted too fast. That doesn’t mean you would not fall for it if it happened to you. Keep this in mind: our perception during negotiations becomes blurred. We cannot see the forest for the trees because every single detail of information must pass through our filter – a filter that consists of our deepest hopes and fears. What comes out afterwards may give us a completely distorted picture. I have helped countless individuals with their negotiations who were stumbling around blindfolded and totally unaware of it.
Do you see the seemingly unbreakable relevance – between outcome and satisfaction – shrink away?
The other party was so sure that they only had to give in to your demand to satisfy you, but although you received more than you wanted, you are still unhappy with the outcome. This makes no sense and according to current knowledge, it should not be possible.
If my answer had been:
“What? No way. Anything over 12,000 is out of the question!” then, after a harsh negotiation, you had to let it go for 14,500, or 500 less than the value.
Well, you would feel so-so about the deal, but knowing that you had made the best of it, you would be able to put the moment aside and move on, and again I know what goes through your head...”At least it is sold!”
Which means that your happiness did not depend on the bare outcome but on the feelings that the proceedings left you with, and that happens to be what Neuroeconomics is all about – the proceedings outweigh the result.
So the dilemma starts with our deep-founded personal involvement, a sometimes confusing mixture of facts and feelings. What we should notice is that our feelings almost always trump the facts and we don’t even notice it.
There is no mistake in this book that I have not made myself first. We can only get well when we dare to admit that we are ill, and take our medicine.
The auction mind set
NegoLogic introduces the term “auction mind set”. It means accepting a value based on what someone else thinks it is worth. It triggers the feeling of a safety net. So long as there is another bidder who is willing to pay nearly the same amount as you you’ll feel that electric impulse of excitement
