“Oh, God, who?”
He raises his gaze to mine. “You saw her kiss me on the cheek a half hour ago.”
“They gave you Garnet?” I jump to my feet and start pacing as he looks on. “She’s your Guardian?”
“Did you think I was helping her move her own boxes into the guys’ dorm?”
“Is that why she kissed you?”
“That’s why I let her.” His voice is a whisper as I stomp back and forth. “I thought you were gone. Sucking up to her is—was— my only chance of being with you again. She was, as heartless as it sounds, a means to an end.”
“She’ll be fighting for you?”
“Ha.”
“Ben.”
“And you’ll never guess my PT.”
“I don’t want to know.” I stop pacing and roll my head up to the sky. “You will succeed in life by giving crazy ex-girlfriends second chances. You will succeed in life by making out with girls formerly known as Lizzy who sold their souls to be with you.”
“It’s to make sacrifices,” he says. “That’s my PT.”
I sigh. And give it some thought. “Well, that doesn’t sound that bad.”
But he’s a step ahead of me, explaining before I can speak. “She wants me to be with her. The first sacrifice, if she had her way, would be you.”
I close my eyes. The rain is letting up, but it feels heavier and colder than ever. I was this close to being with Ben. This close. And now she’ll have him again. I’ll have to walk the halls and see them holding hands, eating lunch together, and kissing. I’d tear my eyes out rather than watch that.
“So that’s the last nail in the coffin. In our coffin,” I say, resigned to our doom.
“No, Anne, listen.” Ben joins me and cups his palms around my face so I can’t help but look into his beautiful eyes and watch his lips—lips that were juuust about mine. “It’s you I want.”
I shrug out of his hold. I can’t pretend that being with Ben makes sense. Not if his life will be even shorter because of it.
“You have to give Garnet what she wants if you’re going to win.”
“Who said I wanted to win?”
“You’ve been hanging around Pilot Stone too long.”
“Har har.”
“She’s a wily one, Ben—I’ll give her that. She figured out how to separate us. No wonder she won the Big V last year.”
“She may be clever, but she misjudged my feelings for you.”
His feelings for me are perhaps the only topic I’d ever like to discuss, if given the choice, but that’s not in the cards right now. Hearing about his feelings will only make it harder to sever our ties so he can play, and win, her game.
“Anne, I want to opt out of the Big V competition.”
“That’s not an option.”
“I’m already dead.”
“Everyone is.”
“You’re not.”
“Yeah, and I’d like to live again. With you.”
He blushes. “What if we could just treat these next months like the gift they are?”
“Sorry, but where you see a gift, I see gift wrap on a ticking time bomb.”
I’m pacing again.
His gaze follows me patiently. His calm resolve only frustrates me more. He can’t actually be serious about this. Give up the chance to live again—and be with me for real off this island—just because he doesn’t think Garnet will fight for him? No. He has to be with her. She thinks he’s into her again; he needs to roll with that, and I’ll just have to wait until he wins…then wake up and join him in California.
“Anne, come on,” he says, interrupting my scheming. “Stop thinking about tomorrow.”
“I’m thinking about tonight. I’m thinking about you tracking down Garnet and throwing yourself at her within the hour. Kiss her. Tell her you love her. Do whatever it takes to win your life back, Ben.”
“That’s crazy.”
“Not doing it would be crazy.”
“Come on. Be young and reckless with me.” He stops me mid-stride. “Just live in the here and now, where we’re together and we can be as connected as I’ve been dreaming about.”
Before I can list off the many, many head injuries he must be suffering from, he presses his lips softly to mine, then more powerfully. I stagger on the spot. He draws his hands down to my shoulders and, with a need that surprises me, pulls me about as close to him as a person can get without actually melting into him, which it sort of feels like I’m doing. I wonder if the lines around us are blurring, like they do when he holds my hand. To test the limits, I curl my fingers into his soft hair.
Definitely melting into him.
I’m kissing Ben Zin. I’m kissing Ben Zin. In the moonlight on an island, I’m kissing Ben Zin.
And he’s kissing me. His lips trail away from mine and run up my cheekbones, to my eyelids, and down my jaw, softly, wonderfully, to my throat.
Definitely melting into him.
I open my eyes to see his are closed. I close my eyes and imagine his open.
I think he says my name. And I’m pretty sure I say his. Warm shivers replace the cold ones. His lips find mine again. His breath is fast, and I’m not sure if I’m hyperventilating or holding my breath— air intake is, frankly, not high on my priority list right now.
It’s not until I begin to unbutton his shirt—just one button— that our eyes open. Ben looks at me, his face flushed, and grabs my hands, stopping me.
“Anne,” he breathes. Then he shakes his head.
“You’re right. It’s too cold out here. Let’s go find my dorm—we can kick Harper out. No one will see you.”
“That’s not what I meant.” With the most unusual expression, he steps back and releases my hands. He pats his hair back in place. “I don’t want to do this with you.”
