The fact that the parents attend chapel dictates when they are held—at the beginning of the session (in our case 8:30 a.m. and 12:30 p.m.). The parents sit with their children on the floor in the chapel. On occasion a parent is unable to attend. When this happens, a grandparent, relative, adult family friend, or caregiver is welcomed.
At many gatherings with children and parents present, I have seen the children sitting together at the front with the parents gathered in the back. The reasoning behind this is that the event is really for children and this seating arrangement makes them the focus. Additionally, it keeps the seated grown-ups from blocking the sight lines for the children. These seem like very good reasons. However, what often happens is this: because the parents are gathered in the back with the focus on the children, they forget that they are still in the same space and often talk with each other. With the added noise from the back, the children are less attentive. However, the most important reason for seating parents with their children is so that parent and child are sharing the chapel experience. Watching your child listening to a story is very different from listening to the story with your child. I have come to believe that each gains from the other’s presence. The parent is able to hear the story through their child and gain an understanding of the story with the child; the child receives support in understanding the story and the spiritual experience itself thorough the parent. It is profound. Singing together and hearing a story that can later be discussed is a shared experience very, very different from one where the children and grown-ups are seated separately (especially in early childhood).
Some parents bring a younger sibling with the child who is attending chapel. The younger child is welcomed as long as the chapel remains relatively peaceful. On occasion, a parent might leave the room with a crying baby. We wait patiently when this occurs. Sometimes the parent chooses to leave the younger one home with a caregiver. The youngest siblings are generally engaged by these stories and the warmth of sitting with family. They look forward to the time when they will attend our school and each can say “my” chapel.
Many childhood chapel programs do not include the parents. Clearly it is not imperative, but it is central to our gatherings. If your chapels do not include the parents, before revamping your whole program or rejecting the entire idea, consider trying out family chapels on several occasions during the year. At the end of the year, you will have a clearer idea what direction you wish to follow.
At chapel we have chapel. We don’t talk about the “What do I do if . . . ” situations. We don’t discuss cell phones. The time is exclusively for singing and stories—experiencing and thinking about them. So how do parents know what to do? To us, it seems like second nature, but that is not how it is. Often parents feel that if their children are engaged, it doesn’t matter what they are doing. They forget that they are being a model for their children. It is not unusual to see a parent lean over and chat with a friend and then tell their own child to stop talking with one of their friends. I consult with a number of congregations about family gatherings/services, and the talking parent is one of the more common problems to tackle. So what do you do? At the beginning of the school year our school holds parent orientations about the upcoming year. As part of this gathering, I have been invited to directly address the parents about chapel and this is a very helpful way to address this issue.
I feel it is very important not to let this opportunity turn into offering a laundry list of do’s and don’ts. That might be the simplest but it does a disfavor to the chapel, the parents, and the children; the behavior asked for is not just about following rules. We know from many years of leading chapels that if parent and child are sitting together, singing, and listening, a profound experience occurs. It is felt in hearts and minds, and parents will want to help enable this to happen. Their modeling behavior for their children makes the shared experience even more personal. This powerful experience is a cumulative one and so is not generally noticed at any one chapel gathering. Guests to our chapel are consistently amazed that such young children are attentive for the entire half hour, but it is not really surprising when you acknowledge the depth of children’s hearts and provide a circumstance for them to feel it too.
During this relative brief chat, I speak of why we sing together, how the songbook is organized, how the parent can support the child by singing themselves, and joining in on any of the gestures that accompany the songs. I point out how the songbook is organized for the non-reading children so that they can choose their songs and the parents can read the words; even with the songbook we are concerned with early literacy and supporting its growth in their child. Then I speak of the stories that we will share and how they have been selected and retold in a way that honors the minds and spirits of the children. These are not simplistic stories because children are more than that; the stories are told simply, using long held early childhood/childhood pedagogy of rhymes, rhythm, and repetition. I talk about some of the Bible stories being repeated each year and how the child hearing a story again (often a year later) helps them realize that they have grown in size and understanding. They may pick up on a different aspect of the story than the year before. I talk about the inclusion of folktales to point out to everyone that we learn from many cultures and that we acknowledge and celebrate these cultures by including stories in our chapel. Using the folktales also implicitly welcomes the children in your midst who are from a variety of places in the world. I also mention that with so many Bible stories featuring men, it is nice to have a lot of stories as well that present a woman (or female) as the lead character. I mention to the parents why I tell stories instead of reading them and how I adjust the telling of the tales according to the age and attention of the listeners.
When the parents become aware of how much goes into each chapel, they more fully understand their own place in its success. They want to help make the experience as engaging as possible for their children. At this point, they are ready to hear and to implement:
Sit with your child.
Sing! If they see you singing, they will sing too.
Join in on the song gestures. They help the children (and adults) remember the sequence of the song.
Refrain from talking to adult friends during chapel time—if you do, what is your child going to do?
Before entering the chapel space, make a point of turning off your cell phone in front of your child. This says to them, “This is important time and it’s time just for us.” Your child will hold that feeling close.
If your child is being disruptive, escort them out of the chapel until they are ready to settle down. You are welcome back.
I am now accustomed to, but still moved by, parents with tears in their eyes on the closing chapel of the year when their child will be going off to the next school. They realize what they have been part of. I have had parents tell me that they changed business meetings in order not to miss chapel with their child. I had a parent who often took an all-night flight, picked up his son, and came to chapel to sing and listen to the stories, but most of all to be part of his child’s spiritual community.
I believe that it is a privilege to lead these chapels and they deserve to be as meaningful as we can make them.
How Often Should We Have Chapel?
We have chapel once a week for the school year. This seems just right as the children grow accustomed to and excited about the weekly gathering. The children come to chapel with their parents at the beginning of the session. In this way it is similar to the child’s experience of the other days, that is, entering school with a parent but with a bonus. The parent gets to stay for a half hour with the child. Following chapel the parent walks the child to the classroom and says “goodbye” at the classroom door like the other days.
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