apple? He hasn’t changed at all, and he’s still putting the rest of us to shame by not giving one flying fuck.
Why couldn’t Dylan Carlson have lent the shotgun to this fey little grunge turd instead? Sure, his sister and mum would cry at the funeral but at least nobody would be stealing their Super Shiny Straightening Serum any more.
If she was a foot shorter this coat would have dramatically different connotations, but right now I’m about 90 percent sure the intended message is, “Why the hell are we driving into Linda’s back?”
That space blanket is perfect. I want one the next morning that I’m promising God that I’ll never do it again as long as I don’t die this time.
For those about to double-team the 45-year-old Mexican barback for coke, we salute you.
Hey, you’ve worked hard all day and if you want to mix yourself a pineapple soda and Popov vodka cocktail on the way home, who’s to stop you? The world is your oyster, my friend.
Crazy-eyed bitch leaving you the 33rd voice mail of the night about to heave a brick through your window for never calling her back is a surprisingly good look.
In their spare time, the assistant managers of mobile-phone warehouses stand in car parks wearing jeans designed for 12-year-old girls and making gang signs that mean “free talk time on nights and weekends”.
“Look, I ain’t gonna make it into work today. My dick exploded.”
Oh good. Looks like the pictures finally came back from my future honeymoon.
Heroin hasn’t done much for aviation or particle physics lately, but the field of avant-garde hat design is deeply in its debt.
Ah, the independent spirit of the true Parisian male who wears nappies underneath leggings, starts drinking pastis at 8 AM, and never plans on working or making his 1950s bathroom bigger than a matchbox despite the fact that he has a wife and three kids who all live with him, the youngest of which is 28.
Doesn’t he look like the giant baby from old Bugs Bunny cartoons? You just want to dab his mouth with one of those scarves then hoist him over your shoulder and say, “Wuh-oh, who made a wittle mess of his food? Who made a wittle mess? Oh, da bad wittle baby made a mess, dat’s who!”
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