was very much aware of the stares of others in the bar and hurried to finish her drink, thinking she had to get free from all of this, that once again she’d made a terrible mistake.
Once outside Bart put his arm around her and led her to the path along the beach and asked, “What was that all about?”
“You don’t really want to know,” she said.
Bart nodded and took his arm from her waist, and she wished he hadn’t although she couldn’t tell if it was because she was frightened by Jake and needed someone to help keep her together, or if there was something special about Bart’s touch. Either way, she missed the feeling and asked him if he’d mind putting his arm around her for a little while longer. She couldn’t believe what she’d just said and felt her face flush with embarrassment and the warm push of gin and peach vodka from the strange Alaskan drink and quickly added, “I’m a bit shaky right now.”
Bart smiled and slipped his arm around her and they walked in silence watching the waves of the Pacific break and spill over the sand. Finally, Bart asked again, “Who was that guy?”
Carrie bit her upper lip and looked at Bart. “He’s just a guy I used to date and we’ve had a pretty rough falling out.”
“Got that, but how’d he know about me? About Alaska?”
Carrie took Bart’s arm in her hand, held it tightly and drew a deep breath. She didn’t want to start off their relationship with a lie; after what she’d just put him through she felt she owed him the truth. “I used you as an excuse to break up with him. He scared me so; I didn’t know what else to do.” She paused and pleaded for him to understand. “I’m sorry. Really, really sorry. I never thought it would get you—”
“It’s okay,” he said, and pulled her closer against him. “They all end up like that?”
“No,” Carrie said, and laughed a little laugh of relief because they were moving away from Jake, and stammered, “Well … yes … sometimes … but no … never that bad.” She tried to get the spotlight off herself by asking, “What about you? How do yours end up?”
“They tend to start well but something always seems to go wrong.”
“Like what?” Carrie asked.
“I’m too much of a loner for most women.” Bart looked away from her. “That and some other stuff cost me a marriage.”
Carrie tried to appear as unfazed as possible as she asked, “You’re divorced?” She wondered what else he hadn’t told her in his e-mails. What other surprises were in store.
Bart stopped walking and took his arm from her waist. “Now I owe you an apology. I thought if I told you that I’m divorced you’d never have agreed to meet me. Have I screwed this up before we even got started?”
Carrie looked into his gray eyes, eyes that made her think that maybe she could dream a little, and thought, not by a long shot, but didn’t tell him so. “Not yet,” she said and asked him what else he hadn’t told her.
“Okay. Full disclosure,” Bart said. “Married at thirty, divorced by thirty-three.”
“Kids?”
Bart looked away again. “Nope. One of the reasons we split.” He looked back at her. “How am I doing so far?”
“Not too bad,” Carrie said. “But another thing you never made clear: what is it, exactly, that you do for a living?”
“I used to teach. Now I’m kind of a …I don’t know…some say I’m a fugitive from society; others say I’m running away from a bad marriage and some other stuff. I’d just say I’m a self-styled adventurer who spends most of his time in Alaska.” They walked in silence for a moment when Bart said, “Well, how do you feel about Alaska?”
“What about it?” she said.
He shrugged. “It’s the place I call home, Carrie. I only come back here on occasion to tidy up loose ends. Alaska’s what I love. Where I’m at peace, where I’m headed in a few weeks.”
“And you think I should go with you? Just run off to Alaska, just like that?”
“I’m only asking you to think about it,” he said. “From your e-mails I think you’d love it. Besides it would get you away from that Jake guy and it might be the solution to all your other problems.”
“All my problems?” Carrie hadn’t expected the invitation to be focused on what was best for her. It caught her off guard and scared her. She had been so open with Bart in their e-mails about her dead-end situation, and now she was being asked to put her money where her mouth was. Was it just idle chatter or was she really ready for a change—an adventure, a mystery—and a dramatic one at that? She needed time to gather her thoughts, time for the vodka and the gin to loosen their grip. “Problems?” she said again. “What problems?”
Bart hooked his arm around her waist and kept walking. “I know this is scary stuff and will take a lot of guts…” Carrie didn’t hear what he said next for again she wondered how this stranger seemed to know what she was thinking and feeling almost before she did. “But I can promise you that living in the Alaska outback will be new as new can be and far from boring. It may not lead anywhere, but it may help you discover where you want to go. That’s one of the beauties of living off the grid. It clears your mind and can cleanse your soul as well.” For a second he tightened his grip on her waist. “Worse comes to worse, Carrie, it’s only for a few months.”
The fact that it would only be for a little while gave her comfort, and the idea of spending time with this gentle, gorgeous man who seemed to put her needs and feelings before all else led her to believe that maybe—just maybe—she’d finally got it right.
“Well?” he said. “What do you think?”
“We’ll see,” Carrie said. “We’ll see. I need to know lots more about it, and you, and time to think it over.”
THEY SAID GOODNIGHT at the foot of her apartment steps standing like two awkward teenagers and looking at one another for a long while without speaking. Carrie could feel her heart beating until Bart finally took her face in his hands and kissed her. When they parted, he asked if he could come in.
Carrie quickly raised her hands to hold him in place and said, “Not tonight,” and then softened her tone. “I know I’m giving you a mixed message but at times I get confused about what’s right and what’s wrong, and this is one of those times. I need some time to pull myself together. It’s not you. Please try to understand. It’s been a really bad day—a really bad day—and I’m confused about a lot of things, including Alaska.”
Bart smiled down at her, took her by her shoulders and said he understood; that it was okay, that everybody has bad days and that he hoped she’d give Alaska serious thought.
She scolded herself to be careful—to take it slow—but as Bart walked away she could still imagine his gray eyes and gentle smile, feel his strong hands and taste his kiss. “Bart, wait,” she called out.
Bart stopped and turned. He shook his head as though he knew what she was about to say. “Not to worry, I’ll call tomorrow.”
“Promise?”
He
