Did you get to see the cat with its guts hanging out and brains everywhere?” Julie asked.
“No. Just a crushed skull.”
“Now Natalie I don’t want to hear that kind of talk at the table.” My mother was the only person I knew who actually ate while she smoked.
“Well she asked. Mom, do you mind?” I waved the smoke away from me, “can you blow the smoke that way?”
“If your father were here . . .”
“Well he’s not.” I shot back.
“Don’t you sass me young lady.”
“Whatever.” I looked at my watch, “crap. I’m late I need to get to work. You three are in charge of cleaning up.”
“You can’t make us!” Julie shouted. See what I mean she’s always yelling.
“Good luck with that.” Brenda said.
I looked over at my mom, “mom?”
“They’ll do it. Don’t worry.”
“I’m not cleaning. I’ve cleaned dishes before besides your spaghetti was awful. Too soft.” Norma put her two cents in, like anybody asked her.
I leaned over the table at Norma, “let’s pretend for a moment I give a rat’s ass what you think. The only difference between you and dad right now? We can pull the plug on him!”
“Natalie!” My mother barked.
“Like you care. When’s the last time you went and visited him?”
“That’s not the point. Your father is not useless.”
“He is now! What’s he done for this family except put us so far into debt! I dealt drugs MOM!! Do you get that? I mean do you even really get what I did? No, I don’t think you do. None of you get the position I was put in!”
I went to my room, grabbed my clothes and headed out the door. I’m a waitress over at Hooters, started about a week ago. Ever since the FBI confiscated all the money from the drug deals. We’re broke (sort of) I’ll explain in a minute. My mother refuses to get a job and as for Norma – forget it. Joan is to busy with her “life” and as for Lee like I told you earlier she’s out there somewhere enjoying life on an Indian Reservation. Sometimes I think my family’s useless.
Okay, now before everything headed for the crapper I opened up a money market account, which is a great way to invest money, short-term. This is the best way for a quick turn around and to secure a return on your investment. See, the current average yield ranges from 0.50% to as high as 4.00%. Also these accounts are liquid and usually FDIC insured. I created an alter ego: Nicky Stanton so the FBI couldn’t track the money. With a driver’s license and her own Social Security number, you’d be surprised what you can create when you’re dealing with criminals. I managed to stock away about $150,000. At 4.00% should yield about $6,000 per.
I walked into the back and quickly changed into my uniform. It’s hard to say which part of the Hooters uniform is the most ridiculous: the tiny, camel-toe inducing, unflatteringly-colored tangerine hot pants? The bodacious “Flashdance” scrunch socks? The thick, suffocating, unnaturally colored pantyhose that require a gymnastics routine to peel on and off? Each time I wrestle myself into this outrageous ensemble, I struggle to comprehend how anyone can find such an absurd outfit sexy. Seriously, no one’s ass looks good in shiny orange shorts!
Tonight I was to shadow Janelle, who could pass as my twin. It’s eerie how much alike we look. Except, she’s always got her hair in her face. One of the bizarre rules here is no bobby pins or elastic hair bands. That’s grounds for termination. Whatever!
What I like about her is she’s blunt and rude just like me. At 23 she’d been working here since she was 17. She was sort of putting herself through school. I say sort of because she was taking a few classes here and there, still trying to figure out what she wanted to do with her life. Unlike me, I’ve got my sights set a little higher, CEO of a major corporation. Any corporation, I’m not picky. As long as I’m clearing 250k per year.
Crap! My manager Adam Ross walked in, he’s your typical “womanizing” jerk. Crew cut, works out a lot, thinks he’s God’s gift to women. Always dressing in Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, and Aeropostile, except when he’s at work.
“Natalie I’m glad you could grace us with your presence.”
“I’m sorry I’m late. Family problems.”
“Well, we’re your family too,” he said in that slow condescending way of his, “and we have problems as well so are you saying we’re just not as important?” I didn’t say anything. I mean what the hell did he expect me to say?
Janelle jumped in. “Adam, back off she’s just a few minutes late okay?”
He continued to talk to me like I was stupid, which really irritates me because I’m way smarter than him! “No it’s not okay. Look I gave you this job because of your status in this town so please don’t make me fire you? Okaaay?” Yeah that’s good, stretch out the word okay. You douche! He gave me a sarcastic smile stretching his little itty-bitty darkened peach fuzz on his top lip. He turned on his heels and walked out.
“Guys a real dick.” Janelle said. “C’mon let’s go before he decides to come back and bore us to death some more.”
Ah, Hooters. That innocent nether land between the blatant perversion of a strip club and the bland innocence of a boobless meal. Thank God my shift was finally over!
I looked at my watch, shit, no wonder I was beat, it was after two in the morning. I strolled into the back and grabbed my purse from one of the lockers.
“Hey, good job tonight.” Janelle said.
“Thanks.”
“You’re pretty sharp. It took me months before I was able to pick it up.”
“Thanks.” I said between yawns. It’s not rocket science. Duh!
“Look, we’re all going out to the bar, care to join us?”
“I’m only seventeen.”
“Really? You act way older. All right well maybe another time.” Janelle turned around and headed out the door with a few of the girls.
I got in my car and drove home, put the car in the garage and walked through the utility room and into the kitchen when I stopped cold.
“Son of a bitch.”
The table hadn’t been cleared, the spaghetti was still in the large pot on the stove and the dishes were still in the sink.
I was tired and all I wanted to do was cry. Don’t you do it! Don’t you give them the benefit! Just suck it up. Another year and a half and then –- I’m outta here.
It took me an hour before the kitchen was cleaned. I looked at my watch: 3:45. I closed my eyes they burned from exhaustion. Walking
