You Can Win Your Ex Back: With the Right Plan You Can Repair What Broke Down So Well That Your Ex Will Come Running Back to You
Leanne M. Shine
Copyright
© 2012 Leanne M. Shine
ISBN 9781456611262
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, copied, stored, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, photographic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or in any information storage and retrieval systems, without prior written permission of the author or publisher, except where permitted by law - reproduction rights are expressly granted for fair use of brief quotations in articles and reviews.
This book is intended solely for dispensing of information of an educational value for the purpose of helping those who read it to restore a failed personal relationship. Application of the information within is recommended in line with a rational and responsible approach to your individual circumstance.
If you use the information within to assist with repairing your damaged relationship, the author and publisher assume no responsibility for the results of your actions.
Introduction
Losing your partner is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to endure. The moment they disappear through the door it literally feels like the world begins to crash down all around you. It can be both mentally and physically crippling and leave you contemplating all kinds of thoughts that you never thought you'd have - that you never wanted to have. Or, just as commonly, you can lose the ability to think clearly at all as you become lost in a haze of despair and uncertainty.
To those who have never experienced abandonment at the hands of a loved one it is hard to fully grasp the degree to which it hurts and the extent to which the pain it sends your way can debilitate and consume every moment of your life.
"There's plenty of fish in the ocean," they'll say.
"You'll get over it, don't worry about it, just move on," others will add.
"They didn't deserve you anyway, their loss."
Such advice may be well-meaning and even accurate but it's usually not very helpful if all you want is for the person you love to come back into your life. Yes, there are plenty of people out there that might replace your partner, but right about now there's only one person you can think of. Maybe it really is "their loss", but if that were true why does your heart feel like it is being squashed in a vice? Yes, you'll get over it one way or the other, but you can't just move on while there's a chance that, if you play your cards right, you can mend things and restore your relationship.
The truth is any relationship that is truly special is worth trying to salvage. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. It doesn't matter if you've already broken up and things seem like a lost cause. When it hurts as bad as I'm guessing it's hurting you right now, know that the pain you're feeling is your heart telling you that what you had was special and you don't want to lose it. But guess what: if you give up now or make all the wrong choices while trying to save it, you will lose your ex forever.
This book has been written to help make sure that doesn't happen to you.
Chapter 1: What Went Wrong?
Getting your head straight
The moment you lose something as precious as your life-partner it is only natural to want to take immediate action to try to persuade him or her to return. But despite what you think, you're not ready to do that yet.
Before you take any action at all that involves your ex you must first get your head on straight. Many people have lost the love of their life by making rash decisions and taking spur of the moment actions without first taking a little time to get their mind straight. It's sad because in many of these cases they could have saved their relationships by just taking a little time to pause and think.
Don't be one of them. Don't live the rest of your life with regret because you allowed a moment of desperation to dictate your next move. Don't destroy your chances of getting back together by letting the fear of never getting your ex back influence you to do or say the wrong thing at the wrong time. And let's be clear, right now is the wrong time to do or say virtually anything at all to your ex. At this very moment in time your internal and external dialogue needs to be directed not at your ex but at yourself.
Think of your lost relationship as being similar to an open fire. When the fire is burning bright it is much easier to keep going as there is plenty of flame to catch on to new wood, but as the fire begins to dwindle it becomes harder to keep alight. When the fire almost dies, there may be a few embers left that can be used to reignite the fire, but you must use them carefully. Rather than simply throw a large chunk of wood on those embers, you need to add tinder, fan them, and allow a small flame to catch, allow it to grow, and slowly nurture it into a larger flame before it will once again catch the chunk of wood and burn bright again. A failure to grow the embers slowly but steadily will see them die at which point any chance of creating another full and brightly burning fire will be lost.
If you try to save your relationship but fail to take the time to get your head straight, it will be just like throwing a large chunk of wood on dwindling embers. The chance it will catch will be virtually zero but the chance the fire will die completely will be high indeed, if not a given.
Before we continue, it is important that you don't confuse "getting your head straight" with "getting over your ex." At this moment in time you're hurting and no amount of thinking, planning, understanding or awareness is going to change that, at least, not overnight. So don't expect it to. Don't place pressure on yourself right now to achieve anything. When we say it's time to get your head on straight, we mean it's time to start the process, nothing more. So let's start.
Straws on the camel's back
The very first thing you need to do to help get your head on straight is to sit down and brainstorm a list of all the things that you can possibly think of that contributed to your partner leaving you. To do this you'll need a pen and paper, or maybe lots of paper. Don't be tempted to type away on a computer. There is a very real benefit to using a pen and paper; it is a slower and more physically tangible process that registers more deeply in your subconscious as you do it. Typing on a keyboard and looking at a screen just doesn't have the same effect on your mind and nor will it help jog your memory in the same way that all the very fine mechanical movements of handwriting will.
Make sure you are alone, likely to be uninterrupted, and that you are surrounded by silence. Don't have your favorite sad music playing or the TV running. You will want to be completely alone with nothing but your own thoughts and the paper in front of you.
But most of all you need to be honest. What you write is for your eyes only so make it as honest as can be. Remind yourself that you're not trying to blame your ex or blame yourself. Cast your mind back to your relationship as if you were a fly on the wall or as if you were a third party counselor, examining the relationship "as is" devoid of emotion. It will be hard for you are currently filled with all kinds of emotions related to your loss, but it is very important that you exercise nothing but honesty as you write your list. Don't let yourself fall into blaming anyone; just identify every issue you can think of that worked to harm your relationship with your ex.
Now, it is
