have two lists. One that details all the things you think you said or did, or didn't, that harmed your relationship. The second list takes everything from the first and flips it over to its reverse creating a list of all the things you know you should have done better and will from now on.
Now, screw up the first list and throw it in the bin. Taking this action sends a clear message to your subconscious mind that the items on that list no longer matter.
You see, the problem with creating a list like the one you just threw away is the tendency you'll have to blame yourself for everything on the list. Throwing away the list is also a step in respecting the truth that blame is completely irrelevant now. You can blame yourself until you're blue in the face but that won't change the fact that your ex has left you. Or, you can blame your ex, and again, nothing will change. All blame gives you is negative feelings, thoughts and emotions that do nothing to help your cause.
Right now, say out loud:
"Punishment ends now. I won't punish myself or my ex for what has happened from this point forward. I won't blame myself, or blame my ex for anything that happened in the past. From now on, the only thing that matters is to think and act constructively, now and in the future."
If necessary, repeat this aloud many times until you can repeat it without reading it.
Was the breakup your fault? It doesn't matter. Was it your ex's fault? It doesn't matter. What matters is this: that you learn from what has happened so that you can take control of yourself to ensure it doesn't happen again because of anything you do or say.
Don't skip over this advice lightly for it is the very approach you need to stave off arguments, end future fights, and put yourself in a powerful state of mind to move towards attracting your ex back. Any kind of statement or action that revolves around blame or punishment is destructive to your goal of winning your ex back. From now on you must keep your mind on nothing but the task at hand - winning your ex back - and to succeed you must remain in a constructive frame of mind. The first step to doing that is to get past blame, guilt or the need to punish whoever was responsible.
Your situation is not irreversible
Now that you're clear on what you think went wrong and what you should have done instead, realize that nothing that did go wrong is irreversible. Sure, you can't change the fact that it did go wrong and that whatever happened resulted in your ex walking out the door. But, that also doesn't change the fact that absolutely everything on your remaining list that you feel you should or could have done you can still do.
But not right away; not right now.
Instead, you need to take time out. You need to take more time than what it has taken you to compile your list; more time to review your list over and over again and burn into your mind all those things that you should have done; more time to truly leave the blame side of the equation behind in your mind, and more time to get your head straight about what you're going to do and how you're going to act moving forward. This is absolutely crucial because these are things you are going to have to do in the future and not just once here and there, but permanently as a way of life.
Now, if you are sitting there thinking this is wrong, that everything isn't irreversible, that it's all too late - that you're on your own - then ask yourself why are you reading a guide on how to get your ex back? If you didn't think there was a chance, even a slim one, why would you have bothered to have picked up this guide? The answer is simple: somewhere inside you think there's a chance or, at the very least, you hope there's a chance. In both cases you can either walk away now or let your ex disappear forever, or you can make an effort to see whether or not that inner hope you have can be turned into the reality you truly want. Ask yourself, if your ex is truly the person you want to share your life with, isn't it worth it to try to win them back?
If you're answer is "no", then you don't really want your ex back. Sure, you're hurting, but in the end you know in your heart that you really didn't want to spend your life with your ex anyway. If that's the case, then I suggest you read the rest of this book to help you learn a few things about how not to let your next relationship go down the same path as your last one.
But I'm guessing your answer is "yes" and so it should be, for all great relationships are worth every effort you can muster to repair, save, and rebuild into the joy of companionship and sharing that they should be.
Unfortunately, the next step to achieving just that is actually the hardest step of all.
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