Well-known actor Will Smith was quoted as saying, “You can tell how far in life you’ll go by the five people you spend the most amount of time with.” Just think of those words: the individuals you spend the most amount of time with will help dictate where your future goes. Isn’t that powerful? Those who think positively will keep you uplifted, and you’ll know they will always have your back—through the tough times when you want to give up and the good times when you’re jumping up and down in happiness. As media mogul Oprah Winfrey once said, “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” Do you know people like that?
2.It’s ok to get frustrated. Nothing in this world is perfect. Not your financial situation, your home life, your responsibilities at work and school—nothing. It is actually a good thing to get frustrated with some of the circumstances we go through in life, whether we had a choice in something happening or we didn’t. However, it is important to identify our frustrations and figure out ways to make them better. In short, use the frustration as your motivation to do something about it. For example, if you’re getting poor grades in your English class, ask your teacher for help. Do not be ashamed. It’s better to ask for the help ahead of time instead of receiving the D in the class, correct? Life is all about acceptance or change. If you don’t like something that is going on in your life, change it. If you can’t change it, you must accept it and create a plan to deal with it as positively as possible. I’ve learned that it’s not what happens to us in life that determines our results. What determines what we get in life is based on how we react to what happens to us. So, don’t let your frustration make you bitter. Use it to make you better!
3.See the end from the beginning. Most of us get excited and inspired when we start something because we think of the end result, the goal. Typically, along the way to accomplishing that goal, whether it be trying to finish school, achieving success in business, or successfully raising our children, there are several tests we face that discourage us. The tests are normally at the beginning and during the course of our journey. Most people focus on the tests, trials, and tribulations and forget about that goal or the end result they are looking for. Once this happens, you are in jeopardy of failing. You should always focus on the end result, not the trials that you may be presently faced with. If you focus on where you are, you will never be able to get where you’re going.
4.Pray. This step is the easiest to do out of the four suggestions, but often times, it is the first one that is forgotten. Young people sometimes forget how powerful prayer can be in moments of happiness and times of despair. You can pray on the school bus, while you’re paying your monthly bills, on the way to a job interview, before the big game with the cross-town rival, and even when you’re sending in your college applications. You can pray anytime, anywhere. It’s important to remember that even the slaves back in the 1800s relied on prayer to help them through the daily beatings, inhumane living conditions, and the painfully aggressive workdays they were forced into. You should never be ashamed to pray, whether you believe in God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, Allah, Yahweh, Jehovah, or any other higher power. You should be able to create your very own personal relationship with that higher power, which will allow you to keep your faith strong. Do not rely on other people to create that bond for you. You must do it for yourself. There are a few Bible verses I look to in times of need.
•Psalm 62:1—My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.
•Matthew 14:30—LORD, save me.
•Hebrews 11:1—Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we don’t see.
•1 Peter 5:9—Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
•2 Timothy 4:7—I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
You, of course, can look in the Bible for verses that connect with your life situation, but I’d suggest looking at Psalm and Proverbs for additional inspiration. I believe that once you read many of the lines in these books, your soul will find peace and your faith restored.
Anyone can tell that I had a slew of tests going on all at once at the beginning of my life. However, I found that all my burdens were lifted when I kept the faith. There was an overwhelming comfort that went on to follow me as an adult as I handled demanding situations with my business, my wife, my family, and my mother. To this day, I continue to smile at the adversity and remember at the end of the day that I have no choice but to take care of my responsibilities, raise my eyes to the sky, and thank God for giving me this life and allowing me to make the most of my trials each and every day.
Chapter 3 – The Decision to Parent on Your Own
“God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.” –Jewish Proverb
There comes a time for many single mothers when they come to the realization that their child’s father is never coming back. He won’t be there to take his child to get ice cream, and he won’t take them on carnival rides at the local fair. He won’t scold them for climbing the tree on the playground, and he won’t be there to comfort them when someone breaks their heart.
He will never show up.
In an ideal world, a mother would not have to raise her family on her own. This is the kind of place I wish for every person walking the planet—a place where the family unit works together as one, and a world where family disagreements between mothers and fathers are reconciled, everyone sits down together at dinner to talk about their days, and kids feel loved by both of their parents. However, this ideal world isn’t the reality for a number of people. Some mothers are forced to raise their children on their own.
There are some of these fathers who do show up to help raise their children, but they’re only there sporadically, never playing an active part in their children’s lives. They may give money every so often or send a birthday card to their child when they remember, but they’re never there like a father should be. It is unfortunate how many men don’t understand how this type of behavior can be detrimental to their sons and daughters. At the end of the day, a child needs to grow up in a household where they feel love and support from both parents: two things that matter most during a child’s developmental years.
I don’t remember the first time I realized my father would no longer be a part of my life. My last interaction with my father was when I was 2 years old. The next time he was brought up was when my mother told me she was no longer receiving child support from him and no one knew where he was. Imagine how hard this was to hear for a young boy. I grew up watching The Cosby Show, wishing Bill Cosby was my dad. Here was this fictional character on TV, giving the same love and support I referred to earlier to his five children. Imagine that: FIVE KIDS. He knew the behavior and tendencies of all his children.
He taught Vanessa a lesson when she came home intoxicated. He was there when Theo and Justine broke up, and he encouraged his son to sing a song entitled, “Justine, Justine.” He interacted with Rudy and her young friends when they’d come over for slumber parties. He was even supportive of Denise when she wanted to go off to Africa to be a photographer’s assistant. He was that kind of father that knew the highs and lows of all his children and treated them accordingly. There were so many times when I wished I had that kind of man in my life—someone who would be there for me during my proudest moments and my times of struggle yet would love me just the same.
Instead, I was dealing with a man that completely disappeared from my life.
