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Dating Games:
Rules of Engagement
By:
Dr. Cheri Moore
Copyright 2013 Dr. Cheri Moore,
All rights reserved.
Published in eBook format by eBookIt.com
ISBN-13: 978-1-4566-1448-5
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.
Introduction
We are going to look at the activities that precede marriage in an effort to give those that are contemplating marriage some information that may be useful. I have been married for over 31 years at the time of writing this document and I have spent over 25 years researching and thinking about marriage as a whole as well as talking to many men and women about their marriages. Therefore I feel that I have useful information to share with anyone that intends on getting married.
I know…you are thinking: Hey this is a book on dating… the fun part, so why are you jumping the gun and talking about Marriage?
Dating is the pre cursor to Marriage. If you don’t think of the purpose of the plan you really don’t have a clue to secure your goal. If you are dating then your goal should be to marry. If you are not ready to marry, then you really are not ready to date. If you really are not ready for children, then you really are not ready to have sex and make them.
Why Marry?
Why should we bother to get married? Why can't men and women simply live together and have children then live happily ever after? Life does not promise happy ever after. This thinking is not biblically sound nor socially constructive to the child's development. Two people marry because they are committed to each other. Marriage is usually the next progression in a relationship after dating. Marriage is by far one of the most serious decisions that you will have to make in your life. Is this the person for me? How do I know if I should marry this person? These questions race through your head even if you do feel comfortable about the person. Only time will tell however.
Marriage is desirable because of the foundation it provides for the family, even if that family is just the husband and wife. This of course assumes a good marriage. Marriage can also prove to be very beneficial to the development of the man and woman as they purportedly pursue dreams and goals together. Marriage can be the best thing that ever happens to you. Especially, when it is a Marriage made by God. God knows what you need. He created you both, so the one “for you” was made for you. Too many people get it in their mind that “this person is the one”. Well if you don’t try the Spirit by the Spirit; you could be getting involved with all manner of bad stuff that is definitely “not the one” for you and definitely not what God intended for you.
Whom “Should” I Marry?
You are in a relationship with someone and the thought of marriage is in the air. Why should you marry this person? People get married for many reasons. Love is one reason why people get married, sometimes to find that love alone is insufficient for marital bonding. Remember Love without open an honest communication will not work. People also get married for the following reasons:
•They produce a child out of wedlock
•A sense of security that their spouse will provide (such as financial security)
•Need a father or mother for children
•Prospects or the continuation of good sex
•The pride of linking with such a person (supermodel type)
Here is where the problem starts for many. Simply stated, they marry or pursue the "wrong" person and/or for the wrong reasons. Choosing the right mate is extremely important to increase the probability of a productive and successful marriage. People think that if a woman has a child out of wedlock then that woman and the father of the child should get married. On the surface this sounds good, however good will not produce a successful marriage. The marriage will be in trouble from the very beginning unless the two really have a genuine love for each other, have a strong relationship, and are really willing to commit to each other for life and they are able to openly talk to each other honestly about everything. Getting married for the wrong reasons to the wrong person can be devastating. This may result in the man, woman, or both living the rest of their life in misery. Their marriage may end in separation or divorce. Worse, they may never separate and simply live a miserable unfaithful existence with each other.
Basically, you would decide to marry a specific person if you believe in your heart that you will commit yourself to him or her. You love her/him, care about her/him, and you want to live the rest of your life joined with this person then marriage is a possibility. Technically, you marry someone because you want to. People sometimes get it in their heads that it is time, or simply that they want to get married because the clock is ticking and everyone they know is married. You may find that marriage may one day appear as the next step or natural progression in your relationship.
Time will tell whether or not you made the "right" decision. Of course having a good marriage involves a lot of work on both parts so even marrying the "right" person doesn't guarantee a good marriage. Marriage involves work. Preparation is the key. Remember if you are not ready and mature enough to listen give of yourself and put effort into really getting to know the person, you are not ready.
Finding Ms. or Mr. Right
How do you know when you have found the person that you should marry? Some say that you should just trust God to lead that special person to you or lead you to him or her. Others believe that God will show you your spouse when you meet him or her. I believe the answer lies somewhere in the middle. Let's look at what the Bible says about acquiring a spouse.
(Proverbs 18:22 NKJ) He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.
I would like to focus in on the word "finds." This implies that the man searches for the wife. Also note that the one who finds a wife, which is good, gets favor from the Lord. In other words, finding a good wife is an indication that a man has received grace of favor from God.
God blesses what we do. A man will seek a wife and will find one. God blesses the man's activities by him finding a wife. See also the following:
Psalm 119:105-The word of God can direct us as we search for a wife
Matthew 7:7-We will find a wife if we seek
Joshua 1:8-The importance of God's word and success and prosperity
The point that I want to make is that I believe that a wife is not going to simply appear. It is very unlikely that you can go on with your life and do nothing to look for a wife and then expect one to show up. I believe that the spouse must
