both before marriage and after the wedding this pursuit is active and involves many things that you may take for granted. In order for you to find a good wife (or husband for the woman), that potential spouse must somehow get your attention. This leads us to the realm of attractiveness.
Attractiveness
It is first necessary to be attracted to someone or be attractive to someone in order to connect with a possible mate. Now here is where some go very wrong and end up entering a relationship that results in disaster. Many men become interested in a certain woman because she looks "FINE!" He may like her general appearance, her nice legs, her breasts, her smile, her arms, or her behind. Basically a man may become interested in a woman because of her physical attraction and likewise a woman may become interested in a man because of his physical attraction. I must say that the attraction of a man to a woman tends to be different in some respects. A man does not care what kind of car a woman drives or if she drives a car at all. However, woman, based on the information that I have gathered, will consider the type of car a man drives or if he drives at all. This is based on what the man and woman want in a relationship respectively. Just a word of caution: Women: please remember that it is really not about the type of car he drives it is about the man… What is he about? Why is he attractive to you? You are pursuing a relationship with him not his car.
There is more to attractiveness than physical attraction. Many women, including myself, find men interesting who are of course generally fit and healthy and who are intellectually stimulating. There may be many things that can induce a person to become interested in another in the area of male /female relationships. There is physical and intellectual attractiveness. Physical attractiveness is more than being pretty or handsome. It involves good grooming and good hygiene. A beautiful person does not have to look like a supermodel. Beauty comes from within and radiates outward. My very first book: “The True Beauty From Within” discusses this point in detail.
External beauty is only a cover that does not indicate what's inside. My point is not to narrow your scope for a possible mate by looks alone. Look at a person with Spiritual Eyes.
It is a very dangerous thing to enter and pursue a relationship with someone because they possess a great body at the time. There are many that look great on the outside, but are truly distasteful and unattractive on the inside and behind closed doors. What's inside? Be sensitive to who the person really is and not just what he or she looks like. Looking for the tall dark and handsome man or the 36-24-36 women is no guarantee whatsoever of a good and lasting marriage. Learn to be attracted to the whole person. Probe the person for signs. For example, does the guy that you are interested in, ladies, seem to always catch himself before he is about to say what sounds like a curse word? Does this person always want to be alone and in private with you or always wants to go to a bar? These are signs of other things that are lingering below the camouflage of the outer appearance and smooth talk.
Attractiveness is a quality of the whole person. What attracts me may not attract you. Some men like skinny women while others like big ones. Some woman like hulky men while others like skinny guys. You have to realize that what attracts you may not be attractive to someone else, which means that someone else's opinion about your new found "friend" may be invalid.
There are some general things that you can do to be attractive. Be yourself in good condition. If you are a sloppy person with bad hygiene then you will not likely attract many people. I believe it is important that you take care of yourself by looking your best all of the time. Sometimes this is a neglected aspect once couples are married.
If you are an abrasive person then don't put up a front to appear passive. There are men that find abrasive women attractive. If you put up a front and attract a man that is turned off by abrasive women then you have just created a very bad situation, which began with deceit.
Attractiveness also deals with your character and demeanor. Are you an honest person, hard working person, rude person, etc.? Do you exhibit self-control and are you up front about yourself? The type of person you present yourself to be will greatly influence whom you attract and vice versa.
The most Attractive thing is Confidence in Women. The most Attractive thing is Sincerity in Men. These are two things that cannot be faked and will draw people to you regardless of the situation or circumstance.
A note of Advise: Stop asking your single friends about how they feel about the person you are dating. It really should not be their concern. You are involved with them, they are not. When you allow these conversations in your life, they may change how you feel about the person you are dating, because of their feelings and criticisms. God puts you two together, not you two and your friends. Also sometimes your friends are not really your friends.
Compatibility
You must realize that you are looking for a spouse and that spouse will be with you for the rest of your life. Therefore, you should take special care in entering a relationship with anyone. The union between a man and a woman is not merely a physical one. There should be compatibility between the two that indicates the possibility of a successful marriage. Good looks and good sex will not lead to a successful and prosperous life together in marriage. Do not let sexual or psychological infatuations or romantic delusions lead you to get married. This may lead to a very unhappy marriage.
The Bible tells us that the husband and the wife form one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Simply getting married does not form this one flesh. There must be an oneness or unity between the two of you. This means that the two has to be compatible. What is this compatibility?
2 Corinthians 6:14 through 2 Corinthians 6:15 (NKJ): Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteous with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever.
I choose the New King James Version of the Bible because I really liked the way this scripture was worded, which is consistent with the actual meaning. Basically, two people should be compatible before they enter into a binding relationship whether that relationship is marriage, friendship, or business partner.
The best, if not only, way to determine compatibility is to inquire and observe. Ask questions and observe how your "friend" behaves and responds to situations. What church does he or she attend and what clubs does he or she belong to. Answers to these and similar probing questions will greatly help you determine compatibility. It is a fact that if you are yourself, you will not have to lie about yourself. Stop pretending to be something that you are not to get something or someone that you really do not need or want. Be honest with yourself and you will be surprised how well things work out.
Born Again
The most fundamental compatibility in a Christian marriage is that both the husband and wife are Christians themselves and not as a result of the relationship. I believe that your mate should have been a Christian before you met him/her. A professed Christian is not a born again Christian. A professed Christian is simply someone who has gone through the motions that the church requires and claims to be a Christian. So your potential mate should be a Christian already, at least ideally. Both your belief and their belief must be as Christians : to believe the Jesus of the Bible.
Note that finding someone in a church service is no guarantee that he or she is a Christian. Only examining that person and prayer will help to determine if the person is really a Christian or not. The Bible tells us that we should not be unequally yoked (joined in any binding relationship) with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Though this scripture is not exclusively referring to marriage, it does apply just the same. In general a Christian should not enter into any binding relationship with a non-Christian on a personal
