mere change is a naturally-occurring process, requiring no human effort whatsoever. Therefore, the authors would like to highlight the difference between change and improvement.
By Example, is about creating positive change, which takes work, and conscious effort. For in the words of Ellen Glasgow, an American writer and women’s rights activist,
“All change is not growth, just as all movement is not forward.”
Please take the time to read each story, think about each chapter, complete each practical exercise, and incorporate these changes into your everyday life. For by improving yourself, you improve those around you, and in some small way, you will even change the world.
EMBEDDED TOOLS
To save you time and money, we have included journal pages in the printed editions of this book. You can use these pages to complete the phase I & II exercises, and to keep notes regarding your progress and lessons learned.
For phase III, we have included a behavioral change calendar, so that you can track your progress throughout each month, and evaluate your efforts toward developing healthier habits.
Additionally, we have included two blank sheets following the journal pages for each mission. This ‘free space’ can be used for creative conceptualization of the lessons, or whatever you feel is helpful given your particular learning style or artistic talent.
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND
Finally, we offer this foresight before you move on to the first mission. Just as in life, time is very precious in the military, so we have what’s called the BLUF, or the bottom line up front. We offer the same for you here.
Simply be where you are, lead by example, and have fun doing it. The rest is in the details.
Simply be where you are... lead by example... and have fun doing it. The rest is in the details. Enjoy the journey!
SPECIAL NOTES
You may find some of the worksheets at psychologytools.com to be excellent during this journey... We’re just saying. Check it out by typing “best free CBT worksheets” into your favorite search engine, and look for a link to psychologytools.com. Find an activity log that works for you. It will come in handy more than once along the way.
Additionally, searching online for images based on the terms ‘emotion wheel’ or ‘the feeling wheel’ may also come in handy when we get to sections about developing your emotional awareness and intelligence. Research has indicated powerful connections between the emotionally sound mind and exceptional leadership abilities. As you may have guessed, many people are unfamiliar with a wide range of emotion words and their various definitions, though there are hundreds. This is a good place to begin, and these diagrams will assist with exercises throughout our book.
As you complete these missions, we encourage you to find and incorporate ideas, tools, and worksheets that you come across along the way. In the end, this journey is designed to empower you as the reader to achieve your own goals, and to be who you want to be. There are no boundaries, and we encourage creativity at all times. Think outside the box, and make the journey that much better.
Finally, we would like you to know that we have made the eBook version of By Example FREE to anyone who has an electronic device on which to read it. Help us spread the word however you are able, and enjoy the mobile companion as you travel this long and challenging road.
MISSION 1
BEGIN WHERE YOU ARE
“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” –
Arthur Ashe
We begin this journey with a true story about one of this book’s authors, Travis Slone. As you read, consider the relevance of his story to your own challenges in life, and the importance of beginning where you are.
Many years ago, I passed on an opportunity to play college baseball and joined the Army as a private (E-2). After living my senior year 2,000 miles from my family, I was ready to grow up and be an adult... or so I thought. So, at the age of 18 I decided to kick-start my military career, and perhaps an early retirement. My eventual goal was to become an officer, but I wasn’t quite mature enough for college at that time.
My father had made mention over the years that many of his favorite officers in the Army had prior enlisted service experience, and I trusted my dad’s judgment when it came to being a soldier. He had served almost 30 years in the military, and been entrusted with the highest enlisted rank, Command Sergeant Major (CSM, E-9). Therefore, I thought it would be good to start from the bottom, and work my way up.
As for me, I had grown up faster than most kids would prefer. I was the oldest of three boys, one of which struggled with severe Bipolar Disorder and ADHD since childhood. My awesome mom was the greatest, but she was in and out of hospitals for many years during her battle with chronic Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). When I was 16 years old, my dad got sent to Korea for a year without us, and I remained in Georgia as the ‘man of the house.’ It wasn’t an easy time for our family, but we made it through. I spent much of my high school years playing competitive sports as a way to keep my mind occupied after school, and because I truly enjoyed the games. In some ways, it was my daily escape from the realities of life, which could sometimes feel quite overwhelming.
In an effort to be a better leader both at home and on my teams, I started reading through my old man’s leadership library. I didn’t learn it all of course, but I read enough to know that leadership was my thing, and that the Army was a great place to get that experience. With that in mind, I took my motivation to Fort Sill, OK where my military journey would begin.
Having been exposed mostly to the life of a CSM, I had developed certain ideas about what the Army would be like. For instance, that people would stand up when I entered a room, or stand at parade rest when I spoke, as if everything I had to say was somehow going to change their world. Needless to say, I quickly discovered that those ideas were twenty years detached from reality, and I found myself scrubbing floors and shining boots like every other Private, rather than doing what I considered to be leadership.
I tried to do my best and even had some early success. For one, being in good physical condition when I left for training was a big plus. It allowed me to focus on learning new things such as weapons skills and first aid. For most of my platoon, the physical training was non-stop exhausting work that usually always ended in being yelled at for not doing good enough. So that was where I tried to help my peers, and where I first felt like a leader. In fact, being an athlete was where I excelled most at leadership during those first years in the Army, and it became a large part of my identity as a warrior.
Soon after
