is not unlike being a successful parent. People want to be loved but they also want to be led. Being a good parent means having patience, listening with empathy, being authentic, and helping your children find the right answers – not being paternalistic! No two parents do it the same way but when it works, it’s the best feeling in the world. And you learn something new each day!
We are all alive to make a difference in our own lives and the lives of others, especially those around us, our families, friends, colleagues, and the people we meet. Managers have the responsibility to lead in making a difference. As a manager, you have that purpose and that belonging in your workplace just like a parent has in a home. And that doesn’t mean to look down on the people who report to you – it means honoring your humble sense of your self and your reason for going to work.
This is best said by the poet David Whyte who consults and counsels managers on work as “a pilgrimage of identity,”
“Soul has to do with the way a human being belongs to their world, their work, or their human community. When there is little sense of belonging, there is little sense of soul.”
Jim Dowd, professor of organizational behavior at IMD in Lausanne Switzerland draws on Whyte’s work and reminds us that management is “not all about intellect; it’s not all about mastering data . . . It’s about bringing everything (you) have to work, so (you) can connect with others.”
You’re reading this book; you’ve made a choice to listen, connect and explore your belonging in the work world, how you look at yourself, how you treat others and how you care for your soul. This is a practical step and a leap of faith in your own humanity. You and I choose to be who we are at work. Let’s explore that choice together as we travel our paths.
Lesson:
“He who answers before listening – that is his folly and his shame.” Proverbs 18:13
Chapter Three
You are the Leader
One of my colleagues, a senior manager at a firm where I led human resources, sent the following e-mail:
“My managers and I have learned much from you over the years and our company has become a significantly more professional and effective place of business as a result of your contribution. Last night on the way home I was thinking about some of the many lessons learned from T(ony) S(haw):
1.Walk softly and carry the right-sized stick
2.Listen more, talk less
3.Fairness trumps everything
4.Ethics are not unprofitable
5.Our human resources are all we have to offer at the end of the day
6.You can always grow, and you should always do so
7.Ethical choices are not tough to discern. They are (or should be) very clear.
8.Always lead by example
9.Respect everyone
10.Assume good intent, but document everything!”
When I read this e-mail I was touched beyond words. I’m a fairly sentimental person to begin with but what touched me wasn’t his praise (although I appreciated it). What really got to me was his ability to distill in ten neat phrases so many major elements of what I had been preaching for so many years. Like the Yonkers resident who stood up unsolicited to thank my office for plowing the snow, this colleague’s thoughtful words let me know I had done some good.
The best managers are leaders and the best leaders are teachers, gifted folks who give something of themselves back to their colleagues. When you are authentic in your relationships with yourself and others, and you give from your life experience, a lesson, a story, a gesture, an empathic ear, a kind word, an honest criticism, sympathy, support, appropriate discipline, you have given from your soul.
My colleague’s ten elements illustrate the qualities of a true leader.
How Do Leaders Behave?
Leaders have a wonderful combination of strength and compassion in their personalities. That’s the walk softly and carry the right-sized stick element. Picture General Eisenhower and President Lincoln, leaders in times of crisis – neither one known for the loudest speeches or the flashiest behavior. Think of the graceful economy of Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address and Eisenhower addressing the troops before D-Day. Listen more, talk less. Their physical appearances would be labeled less than movie star handsome. Both are remembered as incredibly strong and determined individuals whose words and actions made them giants.
Always lead by example. Both are also remembered for their immense compassion, demonstrated in adverse times, and their courage in the face of tremendous injustice. That’s the fairness trumps everything, respect everyone and ethical choices elements.
I don’t know whether leaders are born or made. I don’t think it matters. We all have the capacity to show leadership in a given circumstance. As managers you are called on to lead every workday. As my colleague points out, near the top of the list of leadership qualities is Listening. His phrase “Listen more, talk less” is on point.
There is a certain calm, an even-ness and focus that surround a leader. When the situation seems to be deteriorating fast, the leader is the one with the clear head, steady voice and sure hand. Think of the best teachers you’ve had – they could bring order to a classroom full of students and hold your attention for 45 minutes without breaking a sweat. Listen to the novelist Shelby Foote describe this quality in General U. S. Grant:
“He had what they call ‘four-o’clock-in-the-morning courage.’ You could wake him up at four o’clock in the morning and tell him they had just turned his (troops’) right flank and he would be as cool as a cucumber. He had an ability to concentrate.”
For almost five years I worked for a CEO who was a Swiss national. I’ll call him Franz. He had come to the U.S. more than 20 years ago to seek his freedom and fortune in the freight business. When I met him he was at the top of his game, having assumed the second spot in the senior management team of the world’s largest air freight company. He reported to, at least on paper, Tomas the CEO who had hired me and to whom I reported.
Franz and I got to know each other as we worked together in the integration of his previous company with the company for which we now both worked. He told me that when he began managing his previous company, based in Washington State, his first friend in the business was the head of human resources, so he had an appreciation of what I did. Despite the fact he had a strong relationship with his human resources leader, at the beginning of the integration I was chosen to head human resources for the integrated company. Throughout the integration process Franz respected and cooperated with my human resources team, calling on us for special projects and advice.
Three months into the integration, Franz came into my office and closed the door. It was 8:30 AM. I was sitting at my desk and he stood in front of it.
“Tony, Tomas resigned this morning to go work for our competitor.”
I found the words
