is an idea amongst many Christian circles today that if someone has marital troubles, then it is because they are a failure as a Christian. It is because they didn’t go to church enough, pray enough, or read their Bible enough that their marriage failed. Now, certainly all those things are important, but what we learn from Job is that even the best servants of God experience suffering.
Certainly there are many things that could have been done differently in your marriage, but it’s important to understand that your marriage didn’t fail because you are a bad person. On the flip side, it’s important for you to realize that other marriages don’t continue because they are better people. All marriages that remain intact are done so by God’s grace and His grace alone. Regardless, there are those who will try to convince you that your marriage failed because you’re a failure. This kind of attitude is nothing new around those religious folks who esteem themselves higher than they ought.
During the time of the New Testament, there was a crowd of high minded, super spiritual leaders known as the Pharisees. This group held to the idea that if someone became sick or encountered suffering in their life, it was a sign of God's judgment upon that person. This idea was so prominent in Christ's day that Jesus had to rebuke His own disciples from believing such false teaching.
In John 9, Christ and His disciples come across a blind man. Upon seeing the blind man, Christ's disciples say to Him, “Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?” The initial reaction of the disciples to this man’s blind condition is a perfect example of the belief that all suffering is caused by sin. When they saw the blind man, their immediate thought is that he must be blind because of his own sin or the sin of his parents. As you read this account, it is evident that the disciples stood proudly and self-righteously above this man as though they were better than he was. The false teaching that all suffering is caused by sin, caused these disciples to be puffed up instead of empathetic and concerned.
Notice Christ's response to His disciples: “Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.” Christ explains that this man is not blind because of something he did or that his parents did, but rather his blindness was simply God's plan for this man's life. The Lord rebukes the disciples and corrects their errant thinking. It is certainly not the will of God that any marriage end in divorce, but God can use your suffering so that the works of God are made manifest in your life.
The moral of the story is that all suffering is not caused by sin. The blind man of John 9 wasn’t blind because he was bad, and neither are you divorced because you are bad. Sadly, there are many people today who need to be rebuked just as Christ's disciples were. Anyone who carries the attitude of the Pharisees is simply ignorant of the teachings of Christ and should be viewed as such.
The great danger you face is that the Devil will use the attitude of these kinds of people to discourage you. Unfortunately, it is often those you admire the most spiritually who Satan will use to discourage you. They can make you feel as though God’s done with you, your family’s ashamed of you, your church is ashamed of you, and that life itself is pretty much over. That’s when we must remember that Satan will do anything and everything he can to rob you of your joy, peace, and happiness. He wants you to give in, give up, and walk away from the Lord. He knows that if you remain in the Lord, you’ll overcome through the power of Christ, and he will do whatever it takes not to allow that to happen.
One of the initial ways Satan will attempt to discourage you is to try to convince you that you are now damaged goods because your spouse left you. In fact, he’ll use the very fact that you had marriage problems to get you to think that you are a sorry excuse for a Christian. When Satan attempts to tell you this, remember that he is the father of lies, and what he says about you and about Christ is always wrong. Christ loves you and no matter what any minister, friend, or Satan himself says, Jesus Christ’s arms are still open wide and waiting for your embrace.
Sadly, somewhere along the line, God's people got the idea that Christians shouldn't have marriage troubles. I fear that in many cases, we’ve even mislead our young people into believing that if they abstain from all sinful activity in their life, that they will be free from all hardship and difficulty. If they never drink alcohol, take drugs, or engage in premarital sex, then everything will be great and wonderful. They are good standards to live by, but I am living proof that having lived by those standards does not guarantee freedom from pain and suffering.
I am not ashamed to say that I was a virgin when I married my wife. I had never tasted alcohol, smoked a cigarette, or taken any type of illegal drugs. I married a woman of like faith who professed to know Jesus Christ as her Savior. It was supposed to be the marriage I dreamed of, the life pastors always preach about having. Instead, my wife left me, plunging me into horrific pain and suffering.
In a perfect world, God’s people wouldn’t have marital troubles, but we certainly don’t live in a perfect world. I submit to you that a Christian marriage has a greater battle to fight than that of a non-Christian marriage. Marriage in and of itself is difficult. Despite how great the love two people share, in a marriage you still have two different families, backgrounds, personalities, opinions, and so on that are trying to coexist under one roof, and sometimes that’s a lot to fit under one roof. For a man and woman who have trusted Christ as Savior, they not only face those things just mentioned, but they also face a great spiritual battle. They not only have to compete with getting along with each other, but at the same time they must fight off an adversary who, “as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.” With that said, let us also give praise that the Lion that lives in us is greater than the lion after us!
To say that Christian people shouldn’t have marital trouble is foolish. When the Devil tries to convince you that you’re lower than a snail crawling in a wagon wheel track, just remember that God still loves you more than you can comprehend! Never forget there is absolutely nothing that Jesus Christ cannot overcome in your life. Dr. Ed Yount is one of my spiritual fathers, and he was my pastor when my wife left me. He said to me repeatedly that this was just a chapter in my life, and that God wasn't finished writing the story. That helped me tremendously, and I want you to know that God’s not finished writing your story either. The harvest is still great and the laborers are still few, and I can assure you that Christ still wants you to labor in His fields, sowing seed and bringing in the sheaves.
Job was the greatest of all the men of his day, and still he lost everything someone could lose except his life. The fact that Job suffered rules out that only people of lesser means suffer, that only ungodly people suffer, and that wealthy people never suffer. Don’t allow yourself to fall into the trap of beating yourself up with the idea that your pain is directly related to your lack of spirituality or character. Certainly we all could have done more and handled things differently, but understand, this is not happening to you because you’re not as spiritual as someone who’s not divorced.
God went to great lengths to show us that Job’s character was impeccable, and despite this résumé, he still suffered. He did everything the right way, and all those negative things still came into his life. He was the complete and perfect spouse to his wife, and still she failed to support him.
If you’re ever to recover from your divorce, you have to begin by admitting to yourself that you’re not perfect, you could have been better, but at the end of the day, your suffering is not a result of you being a lesser person than someone else. We cannot change what was, only that which will be, and I hope that you’ll take this initial step to recovery and realize that sometimes even the greatest of all suffer!
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