mind had already moved back to the morning she had first seen the stranger at Surfer’s Cove. Dressed, undressed, his beautiful cobalt blue eyes looking at her. It had been more than any physical attraction she had felt for a man. Deeper feelings than she’d had for any of her previous boyfriends. More feelings than she felt for Scott. The surfer left her weak, shaking, wanting more. Wanting everything. It would not be possible to convey those feelings to Scott.
She had seen the surfer again this morning out on the breakers. He was so beautiful. He had looked at her as before, hypnotically, as if he could see into her very soul, but that was only part of why she was pulling away. There was her illness to consider. Her secret.
“Nothing happened to us,” Elizabeth responded.
This conversation was going nowhere. Scott ran his fingers through his dark hair, and looked down at his steak dinner, still untouched.
“Is there someone else?” he asked.
Elizabeth hesitated. “Maybe. I’m not sure,” she replied, her eyes remaining on her dinner plate. The strains of violins played through the sound system of the restaurant. The salmon was fast losing its appeal.
She hadn’t told Scott she was dying — she hadn’t told anyone since she’d arrived in Seaside. It hadn’t been as she had hoped. Her family. She couldn’t even tell them.
It had been wrong to lead Scott on during his previous trips to Seaside. It had been unfair to both of them, but she just couldn’t tell him then. And she couldn’t tell him now. It was better to break off this relationship, no matter what Scott thought of her, or how much it would hurt him.
“So where do we go from here?” he was asking.
“I’m sorry, Scott. Feeling the way I do, I just can’t make a commitment to you. It wouldn’t be fair.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
Elizabeth looked at Scott’s eyes. They were intense, yet sad. She hadn’t wanted to hurt him. “I’m sorry,” was all she could say.
And all Scott could do was gaze into her deep slate eyes.
* * *
Hoping to enjoy a lovely evening, Tilly and Richard Jacobs sat attempting to eat their suppers.
Tilly gazed at her husband as he ate. He was still a handsome man and looked much as he had when they married twenty-two years before. His graying hair and the extra weight he had put on made him even more distinguished. He looked particularly nice tonight in his navy sport jacket, blue shirt, and yellow print tie.
Richard didn’t wear a suit often, but when he did Tilly felt something stir within her. It was like she was falling in love with him all over again.
There was so much to love about Richard, she knew. Even now, he still possessed all the qualities she’d first admired about him. He was a good and decent man. He was a kind and generous man. She remembered how she had loved everything about him: how he smelled first thing in the morning, how he ate his food, the warm touch of his hand, and his endearing pet names for her. Everything had been so perfect in their marriage ... perfect, until the day Mark died. Now, Tilly was so consumed with grief she often hated Richard, and couldn’t help blame him for their son’s death.
Caroline Williams came by their table and refreshed Tilly and Richard’s wine, stayed for a bit of chitchat, and then moved on to play hostess at yet another table of guests.
“You look beautiful tonight,” Richard said, taking her hand in his, eying her sexy low cut black dress. “I love you,” he added.
Tilly looked at her husband. He was attempting to reach out to her and she knew it was only fair that she try to be responsive.
“Sometimes I know I’m not very lovable.”
“We’ve had a pretty rough time these last two years. But, Tilly, I do love you.”
Still holding his wife’s hand, Richard waited. His eyes searched hers, looking for something, finding nothing.
Tilly remained silent. Slowly, she slipped her hand from Richard’s. She saw the hurt she had just caused, but she didn’t speak. She couldn’t. Instead, she picked up her fork and began to eat her dinner.
At a loss for words, Richard sat, watching her. He felt like they were always sparring. In/out. Drawing closer/pulling apart. It felt like a damned game that he didn’t want to lose.
Tilly kept her focus on her meal. She knew what Richard wanted to hear. But she couldn’t say the words. She couldn’t betray Mark. How could she forgive Richard? And how could Richard expect that? Giving Mark the keys to the car on that stormy day wasn’t a simple mistake, or just poor judgment. It was a deadly choice! No, she could NOT express love for Richard!
“We used to be so happy.” Richard spoke quietly.
“We lost our son, Richard.”
“And it’s destroying us. But we don’t have to let it.”
“I don’t know any other way.” Her head was spinning. “I can’t deal with this.”
Richard reached for her hand again, but this time Tilly jerked it back before he could touch her. Anger flared inside her. It was starting to overtake her senses.
“God, Richard, I sometimes feel such hate for you! For what you did! And you never once said you were sorry for killing Mark!”
Richard leaned forward, almost a pleading in his quiet tone. “I didn’t kill Mark, Tilly. You know that.”
“I know nothing of the kind! Why won’t you tell me you’re sorry?”
“I can’t do that.”
“Just say it, damn it!”
An elderly couple sitting at the next table was watching them. Other diners nearby began to turn in their direction. Noticing this, Tilly attempted to calm herself, though she was close to tears.
“I’m sorry, Richard. I’m just so unhappy ... and I feel so ... alone.”
“We have to resolve this. I love you. I don’t want anyone else in my life, and I know you don’t either.”
Tilly was speechless. Was this supposed to be some kind of compliment? She leaned forward, an accusatory finger pointing at her husband’s face, rage coming to the fore.
“Are you saying no other man would want me?”
“No. Of course not. I’m saying we love each other and wouldn’t want anyone else.”
“You don’t think I might find someone to love me? That I wouldn’t be attractive to somebody? Don’t make assumptions, Richard! You just might regret it!”
With that, Tilly stood up and threw her linen napkin onto the dining table. She was so angry, she wanted to slap him. Instead, she picked up her glass of wine and splashed it in his face.
Women
