in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.
Cover design by Jared Smith / Wesley Harmon
Interior design by Lala England
Printed in the United States of America
To my children, Kyle, Jessica, and Michael.
You guys have inspired me to walk in a manner worthy of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Your love and support have filled my life with joy and much love. I’m so proud to be your mom.
Contents
Foreword
Acknowledgments
Introduction
My Story
Bitterness—The Sin Crouching at the Door
The Heartache of Unmet Expectations
Unseen Root Systems
Dealing With Disappointment
The Way of the Heart
Ruling Your Emotions
Walking Free Through Thankfulness
Forgiveness Breaks the Cycle
Appendix
Foreword
I vividly remember when my wife, Marci, and I were able to buy our first house. After living in other people’s places for seven years, we were finally homeowners! The little place elated us with its French doors, quaint styling, close neighborhood surroundings, and gigantic shade trees. The place was old but solid, and it quickly became home.
The house had a basement, but to get into it wasn’t easy. You had to lift a heavy trap door that was built into the floor of the utility room, which when lifted revealed a steep stairway leading to the basement. Since the access was cumbersome, we rarely went down there. The area was used mostly for storage.
One day I went into the basement for something, and to my surprise discovered that it was flooded with several inches of water. But it wasn’t just any old water—the sewer had backed up onto the floor. There was sludge from the kitchen sink and the shower down there, but even nastier, there was stuff from the toilets. Toilet paper floated about, adhered to posts and walls. And yes, you guessed it. There was other stuff also sloshing about. The whole basement was a big toilet. It was everywhere.
That was how I discovered we had a problem with the beautiful shade tree in our front yard. The sewer line was ancient, and that big old oak had found cracks and fissures in the ceramic conduit. Roots had crept and infiltrated the interior of the pipe, causing it to clog and back up into our basement.
I had flashbacks of that incident while reading this book because Tracey deals with how bitterness, like a root, can grow in places inaccessible to the human eye. It can sometimes grow for years with seemingly no problems. But eventually we’re forced to acknowledge that a root system has developed because the stench of the consequences can no longer be hidden.
Springing primarily from the story of Cain and Abel, as well as her own stories, Tracey shows how the tentacles of bitterness feed primarily from relational disappointment and comparison with others’ successes. Disappointment and comparison—these are universal to the human experience.
She demonstrates startling transparency about her own struggles with disappointment and comparison. That’s what wins you to this book. It’s not simply that her professional career has exposed her to hundreds of real-life stories; she has many of her own to tell. Take time to read them because some of the best gems in this book are drop-bombed mid-story.
I have dear friends who told me about their struggles with their son who was born with a hole in his heart. One of the complications was a loss of appetite. They had to push food on him to keep him alive. In his early childhood, he would often hold food in his mouth for forty-five minutes, pretending to have eaten it, hoping his parents would divert their gaze so he could spit it out. The mother told me tearfully of how traumatic his force-feeding was on their family. And yet, they had to keep their son alive.
People with a hole in their heart—because of offense and disappointment—might be prone to push away the very meal that would give them life. Please don’t push away this book; it will help you identify and overcome your disappointments. As Tracey points out, bitterness can actually kill. The message of this book could mean the difference between life and death. Choose life.
Bob Sorge
bobsorge.com
Acknowledgments
I would like to acknowledge and thank those who have
contributed and supported me in this project:
Kevin and Shelly Prosch, Charlene Hoyer, Mirabelle Galvin, and Kristen Scoggan, who continually believed in, encouraged, and listened to me.
Randy Bohlender and Jono Hall, for your kind efforts.
Amy Peterson, you make everything you touch beautiful.
The happy, joyful, and talented IHOPKC Marketing team, who made me look better than I am.
Bob Sorge, for sharing so generously your gift.
All those who are too many to mention, who gave of themselves on my behalf—thank you all!
Introduction
The Challenge We All Face
This book comes from my own journey out of the chaos of bitterness. Like most of us, I have experienced traumatic events, painful losses, and even deep betrayal. I initially thought that my survival was victory, but I found, over time, I was still trapped—trapped by my own heart’s response. I was becoming the very person I had vowed not to become—that cranky, critical, cynical believer. My relational injuries had begun to define me. All I could see were the ways I had been wronged, the people who had wronged me, and how these perpetrators did not recognize what they had done to me. Yet I wasn’t seeing clearly anymore. I claimed that I had worked through my broken relationships, had forgiven, and that my heart was free, but I wasn’t really free, and the fruit in my life was confirming that fact. It was hard to sustain joy and happiness. I regularly saw the negative side of things; by entertaining bitterness, I was the one who was changing, and not for the good.
In my earlier years I had taught that trees bear fruit, and reminded other believers of Jesus’ teaching that you can know Christians by the fruit they bear. However, I did not understand how my own woundedness and pain fed my tree’s roots. These roots had become completely chaotic and tangled with emotions, so much so that I could no longer decipher nor unravel them. Our roots reveal things about us; it sometimes takes years, but they reveal themselves in our heart’s responses. We all get knocked around in life, having wounded relationships that are never addressed or resolved, and few find the freedom and grace to move on from these relational injuries. This book is designed to be read through
