which are actually covered with pastry… Each guest searches inside the pastry shell with his fingers and finds a plump little figpecker (small songbird), all covered with yolk and seasoned with pepper.
Goblets of fine Falernian wine and mead (honey-sweetened wine or mulsum) are constantly served by corps of singing male waiters. Two long-haired Ethiopians carrying small leather bags pour heavily perfumed water over the guests’ hands periodically. Meanwhile, one slave carries in a silver skeleton with articulated joints, and flings it rather noisily on the table. At this point, Trimalchio slowly intones a recitation of the following poem:
O woe, woe, man is only a dot!
Hell drags us off and that’s our lot/
So let us live a little space,
At least while we can feed our face.
Next, a huge and deep circular tray decorated with the twelve rings of the zodiac is carried in and presented. Over each of these rings appropriate symbolic dainties are placed: over Aries the Ram, chickpeas; over Taurus the Bull, a beefsteak; over the Heavenly Twins (Gemini), testicles and kidneys; over Cancer the Crab, a garland; over Leo the Lion, African figs; over Virgo the Virgin, sows’ udders; over Libra the Scale, a balance scale with cheesecake in one pan and pastry in the other; over Scorpio, a sea scorpion; over Sagittarius the Archer, sea bream; over Capricorn, a lobster; over Aquarius the Water-Carrier, a goose; and over Pisces the Fish, two mullets. In the center of the tray is a grassy turf bearing a full honeycomb. Meanwhile, a young Egyptian slave carries around a silver warming oven of fresh breads while he mangles a song from a drama, The Asafetida Man, in a rather sickening voice.
At this juncture, four dancers hurtle into the dining room and remove the lid of yet another huge platter to reveal plump fowls, sows’ udders, fish, and a hare with wings fixed to his middle to look like Pegasus. At the same time, little leather bottles tip allowing a peppery fish sauce (garum) to run over the platter’s contents so that some fish seem almost to be swimming in a narrow channel.
At this juncture, the guests are eating, imbibing in more wine and engaging in loud gossip with the host. They focus on Trimalchio’s wealth, as well as the personality of his popular wife. The importance of astrology to the host and his family is also considered, while Trimalchio nods, grins and accepts their laudatory and personal comments. He continues to drink and eat.
Several humming servants now appear and cover the dining couches with embroidered coverlets depicting nets, while others act as hunters and brandish broad spears and the paraphernalia of hunting… Suddenly Spartan hunting hounds bound in and dash about making a noisy uproar. Behind them, slaves carry in a huge platter bearing an entire wild boar wearing a freedman’s cap…. From the boar’s tusks dangle two baskets woven of palm leaves. One is full of fresh Syrian dates, and the other holds dried Theban dates. Little roasted piglets in pastry surround the boar.... Next, a huge bearded fellow enters flourishing a large knife. He stabs the boar’s side smartly, and out flies a flock of live thrushes that are caught in nets by the slaves who race around the room chasing them.
While the guests continue to visit and eat, a handsome youth arrives wearing a garland of grape leaves and ivy wound around his head. He’s pretending to be Bacchus the Reveler, and carries a huge basket of grapes. At this point, differences of opinion about political ideas are expressed by several guests; however, these are cut short by Trimalchio who announces loudly that he feels the need to visit his privy.
When Trimalchio returns, he discusses his bowel habits and freely offers his guests sage advice about how to maintain ‘regularity’ by using a laxative made of pomegranate juice and resin in vinegar. He ends his discourse by inviting his guests to visit and use his several privies whenever they feel so inclined.
While Trimalchio drones on, more servers arrive. They carry in a massive pig surrounded by its piglets and place it on a table. Trimalchio stares at it and jokingly suggests that it looks to him as if the pig has neither been gutted nor cooked, but merely seasoned with cumin! Therefore, he announces, his chef must be stripped and beaten! A simulated beating of the groveling cook follows, after which the punished chef recovers his shirt, smirks broadly and takes up a knife. With a nervous hand, the chef slashes open the pig’s belly, and out pour heaps of cooked sausages and blood puddings.
The vindicated chef is then rewarded with money and a fine Corinthian bronze platter. After this bit of dramatic farce, more ribaldry, joking and drinking follow. Next, a series of acrobatic dancers and clowns entertain the guests. During this series of theatrics, conversations turn to joking, citing poetry, and ultimately a collective decision not to punish the youngest acrobat who inadvertently fell onto Trimalchio’s dining couch.
Fine Falernian wine continues to flow during the dinner, even after some guests became slightly verbally abusive, but probably in an orchestrated manner as their part of the show. Since performing excerpts from the Classics was popular during Roman feasts, peace was restored, and an actor loudly recites several passages from Homer. After this dramatic interlude, the banqueters return to more dedicated prolonged eating.
The servants now form a double line so that an entire broiled calf can be carried in on a two-hundred pound silver platter. The calf, which wears a warrior’s helmet, is served whole. Following the arrival of the roasted calf, one slave marches in garbed as Ajax and begins slashing at the calf with a drawn sword. He then collects huge chunks of meat on his sword-point which he further slices and distributes pieces among the surprised guests.... The guests eat the roasted meat pieces while continuing to gossip and drink.
All of a sudden the coffered ceiling begins rumbling, and the entire dining room seems to vibrate. The surprised guests leap to their feet in a panic as the rumbling continues. When the frightened guests look up in surprise, they see that the ceiling panels are opening. Next, an enormous hoop is let down from which dangle gold tiaras and several alabaster jars of fragrant unguents. The startled guests are asked graciously by Trimalchio to accept these as presents to take home after the feast.
Once the guests settle down again, they peer around and find that yet more food has been served. There is a large tray of cakes already placed on the table, and in its center is a sculpture of Priapus (god with outsized penis) made of pastry. He also holds fresh apples and grapes in his very adequate lap. Apparently the apples were somehow injected, so that when squeezed or bitten, they ejaculate saffron-flavored water!
More laughter, conversation, storytelling and wine-drinking follow, until even the slaves join in. They also sip wine mixed with water as they wander around serving more casually to say the least. A large tray of cakes is followed by several more savories. Instead of typical thrushes, however, fat roasted capons are brought in – one for each guest – and each one is accompanied by flavored goose eggs in baked pastry shells.
By now it is very late, and another somewhat drunk guest and his wife noisily arrive. They are accompanied by Fortunata, Trimalchio’s wife. Fortunata immediately ambles around and shows-off her jewelry to all the guests. Then she proceeds to dance around the tables while flapping her cerise petticoats about. After this wild show-and-tell interlude, more high kicks and ribald sexual joking ensue. These are initiated by Trimalchio’s loud vocal jibes, since he is by now quite clearly as intoxicated as the guests.
Trimalchio calls out loudly for desserts, while the servants scatter sawdust tinted with saffron, vermilion, and powdered mica on the floor. The guests sing and tell jokes, after which professional singers enter and perform more songs. Meanwhile, yet another endless course is served. This one consists of thrushes stuffed with raisins and nuts and covered in baked pastry shells. These savory birds are followed by roasted quinces with thorns stuck into them so that they resemble sea urchins.
A staged fight among the servants then occurs, followed
