took his hand off the shifter and began tapping the steering wheel to no particular beat with his fingers. Turning to me he gave a smile I wasn’t quite sure of and said, “I may come back for spring break.”
“Mine or yours?”
“Shit, they probably aren’t at the same time, are they? When is yours? Tell me and I’ll try and make a mental note of it.”
“I guess it’s probably around the first or second week in April, but I’m not sure”
“I’ll double check when mine is. I think it’s in late March, but I can’t fucking remember.”
Jensen looked frustrated for a second or two and then surprisingly leaned over my way and looked at my lips before looking into my eyes. I didn’t know if he was thinking for some reason he’d have to ask permission to kiss me, so I quickly moved in to cover the short distance between us and kissed him instead. His warm hands were suddenly on my face as his tongue danced lightly with mine. My stomach fluttered, and for a quick moment in time we were almost like we were before everything fell apart in Arizona at his grandparents’ house. All too soon Jensen ended the kiss and I let him pull away. I asked him to call me later so I’d know if he got home alright, but he cautioned me that it would be late. Shaking my head, I told him that I didn’t care and added, “Jensen, I know this visit was strained ... but thanks. It was good to see you.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, slowly running his hand through his hair and then staring out the windshield, frowning. I would give anything to know what’s going on in your head right now. A moment later he turned toward me and smiled. “I’ll call you later.”
Getting out of the car and closing the door, I bent down so I could see Jensen one last time before he headed back to college. He was already putting the car in reverse and looking behind him to back up.
“Love you,” I said.
“Me, too.” Jensen gave me a short, small smile before backing up and speeding off down the road. I watched as his taillights faded and then walked slowly to the house and up the stairs. Definitely not one of our better times together. We didn’t have sex, let alone kiss or touch each other very much. Always at the back of my head was the fact that I hadn’t told him my two secrets. Maybe during spring break it wouldn’t be as awkward as it was this time and I’d have the courage to tell him about Nate and the baby. I also hoped that time apart would help us through this rough patch.
5. Aftermath
Standing at the large window facing the channel from Jensen’s house, I watched as the snow swirled down in the six o’clock darkness. Little white powdery flakes floated down only to disappear into the despair of nothingness. There was just something rather quiet and lonely about snowfall and it fit my mood perfectly. A mood, which began to build after his revelation at The Fiddlehead, and festered after we’d gone to The Club and then out for pizza. It was so that I barely noticed the sky, let alone how cold it had become throughout the course of the day. Lost in the emptiness that now surrounded me concerning Jensen’s news and how everything had gotten so screwed up, I stared quietly out the window as if looking for answers. Had I not known the temperature would be frigid due to the snow, I probably would have gone outside and sat on one of the covered deck chairs to be alone with my thoughts. I had always loved the quiet solitude snow always brought with it. In my childhood, I remembered lying in the yard at night on top of snow piled several feet high, looking up and watching the big flakes come down around me. Every sound was muted from the thick air snowfall brought, creating the feeling that nothing else in the world existed but me and the snow.
“So, they’re not a complete match? What does that mean?” Alicia had come back into the room after having to answer a phone call. She’d been gone so long I almost forgot what we were talking about, but her questions reminded me all too well what the subject was. We’d been in the middle of talking about my evening out with Jensen and I told her exactly what had happened, including what Jensen had said about the DNA results. Alicia was an excellent student in science and nobody’s fool, so it didn’t take much for her to figure out what I was saying. When she realized what ‘not a complete match’ meant, Alicia was floored and completely agreed with her parents’ decision to call a lawyer first thing Monday morning. All she said about Emery was the exasperated mention of his name.
“I wonder if your parents have had much of a chance to really talk with Emery about all of this,” I said, moving to sit on the couch and picking up one of the sofa pillows to hug to my chest. I couldn’t imagine them staying quiet for very long.
“Maybe. I’d think that my parents would want to speak to Savannah’s parents right away, but then again they know the legal aspect of things and to let their lawyer speak for them. Sometimes that makes a big difference when it comes to lawsuits and such. They must have become aware this week because it’s been pretty fucking somber around here the past few days. Now I know why.” Alicia narrowed her eyes and looked out the window, seemingly in thought. She hardly ever swore, let alone dropped the f-bomb, so when she did it caused me to look up suddenly at her. She didn’t seem to notice my surprise and continued. “And if Madison’s knows what’s going on, I bet she’s freaking out. It’s a lot to take on in a relationship. I wonder if they’ll break up over this.” She must have suddenly realized that Jensen and I had just gone through the same thing and gave me a ‘sorry.’ Fortunately, it hadn’t played out.
I glanced down at where Jensen’s ring used to be and then looked up to see Alicia also looking at my hand. She regarded me for a second before pointing out that I wasn’t wearing my ring.
“So, what the hell does that mean?” Alicia asked. “I mean, obviously you guys are still together. Where is it?”
“We’re not engaged any longer. He said he realized he was pushing me too fast and that we had a lot of time to decide to take that next step.”
“I take it you don’t agree.”
I looked at Alicia and gave my best effort at making a smile, which wasn’t meant to be happy. “No, I don’t. I also didn’t tell him what I should have. I want to be engaged to him, I really do. The thing is, I don’t think he got the reason why I gave him the ring back. I wish I could do it all over again and make everything clear.”
“I would have been confused, too, Mia,” Alicia said pointedly.
I shrugged. “Well, the intent was to give him the ability to make a decision without having a string attached. I thought when he chose us being a couple, he would want to go back to what we were … engaged.”
Alicia got up and came over to where I was sitting. “He chose you. Why can’t you see this for what it is? Realistically, you guys are probably too young to get engaged or be married, anyway. I mean, I’m still all for it, but I can see his side of things.”
I shook my head. I still didn’t agree. “You know, this weekend sucked,” I said, stretching and moving the pillow to the side. It was my way of bringing an end to the subject of Jensen, but Alicia wouldn’t let it go.
“I still can’t believe he came to town and didn’t even tell us. And it’s even weirder that he stayed with Gabe.”
“Yeah, the whole visit was off,” I agreed in a monotone voice.
The door into the kitchen from the garage flung open and the kitchen suddenly became a flurry of activity as Alicia’s parents came in, fresh from grocery shopping. Satisfied that at least something else had taken Alicia’s attention away, I followed behind her as she got up off the
