Why Won't She Have Sex?. Kehinde Anita Mokwenyei
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“Okay, I’m quite good at fixing phones. So, lets do this. Give me your phone, I’ll help you repair and return it.” By now, his laughter had turned into genuine concern as he stretched out his hand to receive her phone.
Grateful, Sarah opened her bag and brought out her phone. “Are you serious? Richie, this is wonderful, thank you so much...” she jabbered on and on, unable to contain her excitement. Richard smiled, mumbling the word, Richie over and over in his heart. He took Sarah’s phone and left to see Mr. Chigozie Okelue, but not before, exchanging phone numbers with her.
That would be the beginning of a new chapter in their lives and inside of them, they realized it.
She walked back to her seat whistling. The butterflies dancing in the pit of her stomach assured her that things were going to be fun henceforth. At least now, her friends will not be able to say she led a boring life simply because she had no boyfriend to spice up things for her, whatever they meant by that.
Beloved. Patience. He’s not your boyfriend yet.
She covered her face briefly with her hands, willing God to understand. Although, he wasn’t yet her boyfriend, she didn’t see any harm in dreaming and dream, she did. Suddenly, everything around her began to look more beautiful. Yes! The formal brownish chairs and desks, the tiny, masculine like creatures called desktops that sat on the desk, her colleagues, the white spotless tiles, the softness of the chair, the fluorescent that lighted up the office and even carefree, disconcerted Donald in his yellow shirt, pink trouser and green shoes appealed to her. Everything seemed more colourful, maybe she needed to get an eye test done because it seemed the air too had gotten painted with red. She had to blink severally to assure herself that it still appeared charmingly colourless, like the waters that covered the earth.
Sarah smiled as she remembered the good old days in school. Richard looked pretty much the same, attractive, confident and friendly. She laughed inwardly, who was she kidding? He was definitely much more handsome than she ever remembered him being and that white jacket on blue trousers he wore today gave him the appearance of a model, the kind that made you want to drool. But something about him seemed off, something she couldn’t quite explain. Laughing at herself a little, she shook her head and summed it up to age. He was older now.
Suzan Idowu shook her head as she watched Sarah smiling to herself. Her friend and colleague seemed to have forgotten that she was still in the office and not dreamland where any and every conduct was accepted. She coughed. Sarah smiled the more. She tapped her gently. Sarah stretched her hands into the thin air in delight then leaned back on the chair gracefully, like a gazelle. Suzan chuckled, if only Mr. Lawrence was not too serious, she would have teased him about replacing Sarah’s chair with a less comfortable one as it may increase her friend’s alertness and efficiency to office duties. She rolled her chair closer to her friend’s, then shook her. “Sarah, what have you been thinking of?”
Sarah tugged at her hair nervously. “Nothing much. The workload is quite exasperating. It’s only God that will help us.”
Suzan flashed a smile, “Hmmm, it’s only God that will help us get the thoughts of your handsome boyfriend off your mind so you can concentrate on your work.”
Astounded, Sarah turned to face her. “Suzan watch your tongue, that person you just saw is like a pastor. He is Brother Richard and not my boyfriend.”
With a smirk, she twirled her chair back to her cubicle. “Of course, but with the way I saw him looking at you, I doubt if he plans to remain Brother Richard for a long time to you and if you’ll be sincere, you like him too. You should have seen the way you were looking at him like you had just won a lottery.”
Sarah gave a small smile. Suzan was simply incorrigible. “You and your mouth! You better not start spreading rumours because I’m still superbly single.”
Suzan winked, “Not for long dear”.
Sarah sniggered. They continued their work without interruption after that. Thankfully, Wendy Sulaimon was not in on the drama yet. She had a penchant for escalating things. By 5’0 clock, Suzan’s boyfriend came to pick her up.
“Suzan, please can I hitch a ride to the bus-stop with you? Church service is starting earlier than usual today and I don’t want to be late,” Sarah said as she packed her files, stuffing them into her bag.
Wendy called out from her corner, “Suzie, a ride to the junction will be great. I’m so exhausted.”
Suzan powdered her face one more time, picked up her bag and walked towards the door. “No problem Wendy but hurry, I don’t want to keep Jeff waiting.”
Bewildered, Sarah looked up with her hands raised. “Hey, what about me?”
Suzan shook her head as she raised her finger, “No way! For me, there’s a limit to friendship. I don’t want my boyfriend looking at you the way Brother Richard was.”
The shocked look on Sarah’s face had to be the best thing that had happened all day to Suzan and Wendy because they burst into peals of laughter, sniffing at the same time as tears dropped from their eyes. Sarah didn’t find the joke funny. If anything, she found it sour and her mien told them that. Amidst the laughter that got Wendy bent backwards and moving, she asked, “Who’s this Brother Richard, anyway? Wait, does the Virgin Sarah now have a boyfriend? That’ll be incredible. Is he handsome? Would you say he’s rich?”
Still amused, Suzan hugged Sarah and led her to her boyfriend’s car with Wendy in tow. “Don’t worry Wendy, I’ll tell you all about Sister Sarah and Brother Richard in the car.”
Delighted, Wendy nudged Sarah gently, “Are you going to Richard’s house to check on him tonight?”
Sarah rolled her eyes. “Of course not, we’re not even that close and perhaps, there’s service in church today, I said that before. Where did you keep your ears?”
Wendy’s smile vanished as she stopped to stare at Sarah, “You’re always going to church, don’t you ever get tired? Were you made for the church?”
“To the first question, nope and to the second, more than being made for the church or the church being made for me is the truth that I am the Church.”
Suzan and Wendy gaped at each other. At times, it seemed difficult to understand Sarah, either her incredibly high IQ had something to do with it or the fact that she enjoyed sputtering fallacies. How could she be the church?
“How do you ever hope to have an active social life if you go to Church on a Friday evening?” Wendy continued, lacing her lips with more lipstick as they traipsed down to the car park.
Sarah smiled as she faced her, gently resting her hand on Suzan’s beautifully framed shoulders which could be felt from her silky sun-like blouse. “Trust me, the church is as social a gathering as you can